ENGLAND'S 2018 World Cup bid could be undermined by the hellish, unremitting dreadfulness of everything in the country, it was claimed last night.
THE chairman of Wigan Athletic is to install a tank full of sharks under the home dressing room in a bid to sharpen his squad's competitive instincts.
AS a million emerald tears washed down the streets of Dublin last night, Ireland's poets set to work immortalising their nation's latest betrayal.
ENGLISH cricket's governing body last night unveiled radical plans to uninvent the game.
SIR Alex Ferguson has been handed a four-match touchline ban, forcing him to abuse referees by post.
DAVID Haye clinched the world heavyweight title against Russian Nikolay Valuev by discussing the recent collapse of the UK economy until his opponent conceded defeat.
NEWCASTLE United are to change the name of their historic St James's Park Stadium every 30 seconds, in accordance with the highest bidder.
ENGLAND cricket captain Andrew Strauss arrived in South Africa yesterday insisting he was 'absolutely raring' to have his arse handed to him on a plate.
TENNIS star Andre Agassi sold his entire head of hair to buy crystal meth, it emerged last night.