MANCHESTER City was last night lining up last minute bids for just about everyone as the club looked to secure a place in the preliminary round of next year's Uefa Cup.
NEWCASTLE United boss Joe Kinnear was left red-faced yesterday after accidentally calling his team 'Shitcastle'.
BRAZILIAN superstar Kaká has called off a move to Manchester after his agent finally said the word 'city'.
LIVERPOOL manager Rafa Benitez has poured scorn on Sir Alex Fergsuson insisting he 'wheel love heet' if his side beats Man United to the Premier League title.
THE death threats to Jermain Defoe suggest someone may actually be taking Portsmouth seriously, experts said last night.
PREMIER league footballers have remained utterly ghastly despite their multi-million pound salaries, according to new research.
ROY Keane resigned as manager of Sunderland yesterday to spend more time with the 26 voices that echo around the inside of his head.
LEWIS Hamilton last night became the youngest ever winner of the World Car Pointing Championship.
RUNNING for any distance greater than five metres is stupid, it was confirmed last night.
NEWCASTLE United fans last night warned the club's potential buyers they must invest heavily in the reanimation of 1950s hero Jackie Milburn.
THE enemies of Theo Walcott struck gold last night as the England hero fired in a hat-trick against Croatia.
EVERYONE in Britain really meant to watch the Paralympics this weekend but ended up missing it for some reason.