Sport

Fair-weather Leicester fan dreading start of season

A MAN who has been a die-hard Leicester City fan for nearly six months is not looking forward to the new Premier League season.

Olympics organisers admit green pool does smell a bit weird

THE Olympics swimming pool that has turned bright green also has a strangely familiar smell, officials have admitted.

Women’s beach volleyball not actually sexy unless you are weird

WATCHING highly skilled female athletes ruthlessly competing is not as sexy as has been claimed, men have finally realised.

Man tired because he stayed up watching ‘the swimming’

AN OFFICE worker is exhausted today because of watching something he describes as ‘the swimming’.

There is no ball, table tennis players admit

INTERNATIONAL table tennis players have confessed that there have been no balls involved at the sport’s top level for 30 years.

Garry Monk suddenly remembers he's Leeds manager

FORMER Swansea boss Garry Monk has suddenly remembered he was appointed Leeds United manager over two months ago.

FA Cup to trial substituting finalists

THE FA will substitute lower-league teams who reach the FA Cup final for popular clubs like Manchester United.

Russia to host Olympic Games on Drugs

RUSSIA is to host an alternative Olympic Games where drug use is obligatory.

FA says, ‘f**k it, what does it matter?’

THE Football Association has finally given up and appointed Sam Allardyce as England manager.

Sunderland to spend £30m on someone, anyone

SUNDERLAND has pledged to smash its transfer record to bring in anyone, anyone at all.

Chris Froome abandons bike after realising they’re for kids

CHRIS Froome has completed a stage of the Tour de France on foot after suddenly realising that cycling is not what a grown man should be doing.

Football fans face terrifying hours without football

WORRIED fans have been reassured that pre-season fixtures are already under way, saving them from interacting with any other aspect of society.