Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Footballers picking up 100k a week to have sex with beautiful women when they're not even injured

FOOTBALLERS are currently being paid to have sex with beautiful women and drive expensive cars without having to kick a ball or suffer from thigh strain.

Premier League clubs have confirmed that footballers are still picking up their astronomical wages despite the most strenuous part of their day currently being ‘having sex with a pop star again’.

Sheffield United midfielder Wayne Hayes said: “I already thought being a footballer was the best job in the world, but since coronavirus came along it’s got even better.

“Not only do I still get paid a shitload of money and continue to be revered by men and women alike, but now I don’t even have to knacker my hamstrings playing football anymore.”

Football fan Tom Logan said: “I want to hate him, but I can’t. If anything, I admire footballers not playing football even more than when they were playing football.

“At least this way they can’t let me down by not being very good at it.”