Hodgson Apologises To Chelsea Pensioners

LIVERPOOL manager Roy Hodgson fears he will never be invited to another
Sunday afternoon tea dance after his team’s victory over Chelsea.

How else would you apologise, for goodness sake?

Hodgson has asked Joe Cole, who he continues to believe is his nephew, to apologise to the Chelsea Pensioners with a tin of expensive toffees and a battenburg.

He said: “They’ve been good as gold this season, letting anyone have a goal as wants one, and now this.”

Hodgson has asked the squad to make Chelasea manager Ian Ancellotti a nice card out of some macaroni and glitter, adding: “Hopefully he’ll put it up on his fridge with one of those fancy magnets you can get from the shops.”

Hodgson developed a strong relationship with Chelsea during his time at Fulham. The Stamford Bridge staff would often talk to him and bring him tea until, his carers arrived and took him to the correct stadium.

Assistant manager Sammy Lee said: “Since Rafa left I’ve only just finished clearing the place of mousetraps baited with photos of Ed Begley Jr and now I’m on 24-hour call in case the new gaffer has a fall in the shower.

“Whoever called football the ‘beautiful game’ has obviously never had to carry a withered, naked pensioner back to bed while he tells me yet again about the time he bumped into Henry Cooper in Safeways.

“Honestly, fuck my life sideways.”