Newcastle Replace Hughton With 1972 Magpie Annual

NEWCASTLE United owner Mike Ashley yesterday predicted a new golden age for the club after replacing manager Chris Hughton with a battered copy of the 1972 Magpie annual.

£4m over three years, plus win bonuses

Hughton was sacked for his insistence on getting the club promoted, reducing the wage bill, installing the team in the top half of the Premiership and stubbornly refusing to crash helicopters into the car park.

Ashley said: “I’d like to welcome the 1972 Magpie annual to St James’s Park. We need a big-name for the job and this one’s got an interview with Kiki Dee in it.”

The annual has been in Ashley’s loft for more than 30 years, learning its trade from the 1974 Shoot! annual and a 1977 Figurine Panini sticker album that was only missing Dennis Tueart, Martin Buchan and the Bristol Rovers badge.

Ashley added: “It’s a shame the album wasn’t complete, but I’m sure that after a couple of months in the job no-one will know the difference.”

Since former chairman Freddy Shepherd described firing Bobby Robson as
‘shooting Bambi’, Ashley has always voiced his ambition to commit the
most capriciously callous act in Newcastle’s history.

He said: “This isn’t so much shooting Bambi as slowly picking off his
friends over a series of months and leaving taunting notes on their dead
bodies, before finally tying Bambi to a chair, cutting his ear off and
executing him.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m now going to go and graft some tits onto the
Jackie Milburn statue.”