Sport Headlines

All life merely a figment of Leicester fan's imagination

ALL of human existence is the dream of a Leicester City fan and will expire the moment he wakes up.

Leicester fan one more win just trying one more win to get through one more win the weekend

LEICESTER fan Steve one more win Malley is just attempting one more win to get through an ordinary one more win weekend with the family.

Hercules the Lion resigns as Villa mascot

HERCULES The Lion will step down as Aston Villa's mascot following the club's relegation.

Woman 'doesn't get' football due to not getting absurdly angry about it

A WOMAN has been accused of 'not getting' football because she does not become a raging maniac when her team loses.

Runner trying to get conversation back on to the marathon

A MAN who completed the London marathon is trying to make colleagues talk about it without appearing too obvious.

Show-offs run 26 miles ‘because they’re better than you’

THOUSANDS of attention seekers ran 26 miles across London just to make everyone else feel bad about themselves.

Liverpool fans swell to eight times their normal size

LIVERPOOL fans have grown up to eight times their normal size after a derby win against Everton. 

Aston Villa relegated to rugby

ASTON Villa is now a rugby club after being demoted from football.

Middling Premier League teams to form breakaway Mediocrity League

THE so-called ‘Little seven; teams of the English Premier League have held secret meetings to discuss forming their own Mediocrity League.

Man with £1 Leicester City bet reckons he’s clever

A STUPID man reckons he is some kind of god based on a frivolous bet.

Mark Lawrenson starts saying ‘Waazzzuuppp’

BBC football pundit Mark Lawrenson has discovered the world of late 20th Century catchphrases.

Wearers of replica football shirts magically acquire strengths of team

WEARING a replica football shirt magically gives you the strengths and weaknesses of the team in question, scientists have discovered.