Sport Headlines

Weekly five-a-side game ruined by man who can play football

A FIVE-A-SIDE football match has been marred by the presence of a man who is able to control the ball and shoot.

Tyson Fury ‘a delight’ at dinner party

BOXER Tyson Fury has charmed guests at a dinner party with his sparkling wit and progressive opinions.

Man United cracks down on fans smuggling sudoku into Old Trafford

MANCHESTER United has pledged to stop fans smuggling puzzles, games and books into Old Trafford to keep them occupied during matches.

Liverpool fans braced for months of futile optimism

LIVERPOOL fans are gearing themselves up for six months of ultimately pointless optimism.

Tennis fans on Pimm’s rampage

BRITISH tennis fans have run amok after the Davis Cup, downing jugs of winter Pimms and demanding plate after plate of olives.

Man best at punching

A 27-YEAR-OLD man has won the World Punching Competition.

Leicester’s secret is not playing any good teams

THE KEY to Leicester City’s success is to avoid playing anyone decent, it has been confirmed.

Safety conscious cyclists sticking to pavement

CAREFUL bicycle users are increasingly using the pavement as a way to avoid the dangers of the road.

Blackburn appoints Lambert out of spite

BLACKBURN Rovers has hired Paul Lambert as manager to teach ungrateful supporters a lesson.

Arsenal reluctantly drops jousting from training schedule

AFTER repeated injury problems, Arsenal has decided to remove medieval combat from its weekly schedule.

Spanish interpreter battling to get Moyes to understand he’s sacked

A SPANISH interpreter is finding it impossible to communicate to David Moyes that he has been fired by Real Sociedad.

Arsenal to focus on qualifying for Champions League so they can go out of it

WITH Champions League progress unlikely, Arsenal will now focus on securing the chance to exit the Champions League early next season.