SPORT is an entirely negative influence on humanity, it has been confirmed.
EDGBASTON will stay open until 7pm today so England cricket fans can get mortal.
CHELSEA manager Jose Mourinho's intricate, enigmatic mind games moved up another level when he called Rafa Benitez fat yesterday.
SOME children in a park have offered to take Sergio Ramos, if Real Madrid agrees to take a chunky boy in wellies and Dean’s little brother who’s got asthma.
TOUR de France winner Chris Froome has been surprised by how much champagne tastes like urine.
INFLATED Premier League transfer fees have boosted the average pub team player’s value to three-quarters of a million pounds.
FOOTBALL violence has been repackaged by Fifa as an essential part of the game that fans must pay for, it has emerged.
THE protracted tale of Christian Benteke's move to Liverpool has ended with the death of the transfer gods and the immersion of the world in water.
A THIRD of riders in the Tour de France are missing after the gruelling wine-and-cheese stage of the race.
EX-CHELSEA boss Claudio Ranieri is being unusually evasive when asked which team he will be managing next season.
POLICE in Manchester have warned football managers to be vigilant following a daring swindle yesterday.
ENGLAND batsman Joe Root is making an audacious bid to be recognisable to normal people.