ENGLAND fans have reassured the World Cup squad that they will still be just as proud if they win or lose as long as they try their hardest.
A DAD has already had a full can of lager before anyone got up in anticipation of this afternoon’s England game, he has admitted.
AN England fan is planning to savour the team’s next penalty shootout as if it were a fine, vintage wine.
ENGLAND fans are anticipating tonight’s match with the same mixture of creeping dread and desperate hope that they would take to a job interview.
FOOTBALL hipsters have insisted the current World Cup is 'vastly inferior' to Switzerland '54.
For two weeks a year we pretend to give a f**k about tennis, Englishman explains to foreign colleague
A BRITISH man has patiently explained to an Italian colleague that for a fortnight every year England pretends to like tennis.
ENGLAND manager Gareth Southgate has warned the public that on no account are they allowed to begin believing in his team.
BBC presenter Gary Lineker has finally solved the mystery of who won the Golden Boot at the 1986 World Cup.
THE England team have been told to leave the World Cup and return home as heroes before it all turns sour.
A MAN watching the World Cup says he has no grudge against Germany despite passionately supporting any side playing against them.
A MAN has announced he will be leaving the office at lunchtime to watch the game, even though it begins at 7pm.
A WORLD Cup wallchart pinned to a bathroom wall has received its final entry just four days into the event.