Sport Headlines

Cricket reclassified as 'cheaty sport'

CRICKET has been officially reclassified as one of the world’s ‘cheaty’ sports, along with cycling and sprinting.

Sober horses ruin massive piss-up

REVELLERS at the Cheltenham Festival have complained that horses are getting in the way of their drinking.

How to not be an arsehole if you're a famous footballer

ARE you a professional footballer who’d like to try not being a total arsehole for once? Simply follow the advice below.

Wiggins denies he took 'Mod drugs' 


SIR Bradley Wiggins has rejected claims he won the Tour de France on a handful of Purple Hearts and some Mandrax.

Skrnsson takes gold in Uphill Nordic Skjord

FINLAND'S Rinsu Skrnsson defended his Olympic title last night, taking gold in the 2x4000 Uphill Nordic Skjord.

Otherwise intelligent man believes he is good at betting on sport

A SEEMINGLY rational man has boasted about his talent for gambling on sporting events.

Golfer somehow not an arsehole

A MAN who plays golf regularly is strangely not an arsehole, it has been confirmed.

West Ham reluctantly unveil Moyes as manager

DAVID Moyes is probably going to have to be West Ham's new manager, the club has wearily announced.

Everton manager job advert heavily implies it is for Liverpool

EVERTON have begun searching for a new manager with an advert offering the chance to lead a ‘historic, prestigious club based in Liverpool’.

England qualify for World Cup against better judgement

ENGLAND have qualified for the 2018 World Cup finals in Russia despite their deep misgivings about doing so.

Rooney sentenced to 100 hours of supporting Everton

WAYNE Rooney has been sentenced to 100 gruelling hours of supporting Everton.