Sport Headlines

How to not be an arsehole if you're a famous footballer

ARE you a professional footballer who’d like to try not being a total arsehole for once? Simply follow the advice below.

Wiggins denies he took 'Mod drugs' 


SIR Bradley Wiggins has rejected claims he won the Tour de France on a handful of Purple Hearts and some Mandrax.

Skrnsson takes gold in Uphill Nordic Skjord

FINLAND'S Rinsu Skrnsson defended his Olympic title last night, taking gold in the 2x4000 Uphill Nordic Skjord.

Otherwise intelligent man believes he is good at betting on sport

A SEEMINGLY rational man has boasted about his talent for gambling on sporting events.

Golfer somehow not an arsehole

A MAN who plays golf regularly is strangely not an arsehole, it has been confirmed.

West Ham reluctantly unveil Moyes as manager

DAVID Moyes is probably going to have to be West Ham's new manager, the club has wearily announced.

Everton manager job advert heavily implies it is for Liverpool

EVERTON have begun searching for a new manager with an advert offering the chance to lead a ‘historic, prestigious club based in Liverpool’.

England qualify for World Cup against better judgement

ENGLAND have qualified for the 2018 World Cup finals in Russia despite their deep misgivings about doing so.

Rooney sentenced to 100 hours of supporting Everton

WAYNE Rooney has been sentenced to 100 gruelling hours of supporting Everton.

Arsenal hoping nobody they know saw them in the Europa League

ARSENAL have attempted to sneak through their Europa League clash with FC Koln without anyone noticing them.

Frank de Boer no longer able to get six-month tenancy on a flat

NO LANDLORD in Europe is willing to give Frank De Boer a six-month lease on a flat because there is little chance he'll be in employment that long.