ATHLETES claiming to be poorly with a tummy bug must have a note signed by a parent, officials have confirmed.
FINALLY there is football on again, according to a man who avoided the women's European Championships.
QUESTIONS have been raised as to whether men's sport should be given equal coverage to women's sport.
JOSE Mourinho has revealed plans for a summer tour of his monumental self-regard.
WIMBLEDON has been defiled, perhaps forever, by the vulgar skill and strength of some dreadful American who probably eats with his hands.
WIMBLEDON fans rejoiced as Andrew Murray's opponent was attacked by a brown bear, it has emerged.
PEP Guardiola is to guest-edit football magazine Four Four Two and change its name to One Ten, it has emerged.
THE other Premier League teams are hatching a plot to bully newcomers Huddersfield throughout next season.
EVERYTHING is wonderful at Arsenal and nothing whatsoever needs to change, fans have confirmed.
JOHN Terry's Chelsea farewell was a bit too much pomp and ceremony, according to North Korea.
WAYNE Rooney has pledged to remain at Old Trafford next season, completely immobile and immortalised in brass.
ATHLETES have rejected a crackdown on drug use, admitting it is only the drugs that make running a really long way halfway tolerable.