ENGLAND have qualified for the 2018 World Cup finals in Russia despite their deep misgivings about doing so.
WAYNE Rooney has been sentenced to 100 gruelling hours of supporting Everton.
ARSENAL have attempted to sneak through their Europa League clash with FC Koln without anyone noticing them.
NO LANDLORD in Europe is willing to give Frank De Boer a six-month lease on a flat because there is little chance he'll be in employment that long.
A MAN who reads book is currently thinking about almost nothing but tomorrow's ludicrous boxing mismatch.
WAYNE Rooney's record-breaking international career was actually pretty shit when it comes down to it, football experts have concluded.
ATHLETES claiming to be poorly with a tummy bug must have a note signed by a parent, officials have confirmed.
FINALLY there is football on again, according to a man who avoided the women's European Championships.
QUESTIONS have been raised as to whether men's sport should be given equal coverage to women's sport.
JOSE Mourinho has revealed plans for a summer tour of his monumental self-regard.
WIMBLEDON has been defiled, perhaps forever, by the vulgar skill and strength of some dreadful American who probably eats with his hands.