Sport Headlines
Female athletes' medals 78 per cent the size of male counterparts
MEDALS awarded to female Olympics athletes are slightly smaller than the ‘male’ version, it has been confirmed.
Well done Britain and this won’t affect any future wars, says China
CHINA has laughed off Britain’s superior Olympics medal haul with some good-humoured jokes about future global conflicts.
Man not interested in random sport things
A MAN with no interest in random sport things like rowing, gymnastics and judo is mentally ill, friends and colleagues believe.
Mourinho to whip a naked Juan Mata through the streets of Salford
JOSE Mourinho has given Juan Mata the day off so he can whip his naked body through the streets of Salford.
Proper Olympics finally start
SEVEN days after the opening ceremony, the Olympics will finally begin.
Fair-weather Leicester fan dreading start of season
A MAN who has been a die-hard Leicester City fan for nearly six months is not looking forward to the new Premier League season.
Olympics organisers admit green pool does smell a bit weird
THE Olympics swimming pool that has turned bright green also has a strangely familiar smell, officials have admitted.
Women’s beach volleyball not actually sexy unless you are weird
WATCHING highly skilled female athletes ruthlessly competing is not as sexy as has been claimed, men have finally realised.
Man tired because he stayed up watching ‘the swimming’
AN OFFICE worker is exhausted today because of watching something he describes as ‘the swimming’.
There is no ball, table tennis players admit
INTERNATIONAL table tennis players have confessed that there have been no balls involved at the sport’s top level for 30 years.
Garry Monk suddenly remembers he's Leeds manager
FORMER Swansea boss Garry Monk has suddenly remembered he was appointed Leeds United manager over two months ago.
FA Cup to trial substituting finalists
THE FA will substitute lower-league teams who reach the FA Cup final for popular clubs like Manchester United.