Sport Headlines
International football 'complete waste of time if you think about it'
THE World Cup 2018 qualifiers have been marred by a nagging awareness that there’s absolutely no point in playing them.
Allardyce bemoans the quality of chips in Slovakia
SAM Allardyce has complained to the FA about the lack of chip barms in Slovakia.
Twenty per cent of UK workforce on loan from Chelsea FC
ONE in five British workers are on loan to their current job from Chelsea FC, it has emerged.
Premier League chairman wakes up wondering who the f**k he bought last night
A PREMIER League chairman has woken up in the boardroom with vague memories of going on a transfer binge late last night.
Goalkeeper at five-a-side looks suspiciously like Joe Hart
THE opposition goalkeeper in a Goals five-a-side league match near Manchester looks a lot like Joe Hart, players have reported.
Audience at darts tournament have no idea there's a darts tournament going on
THE MAJORITY of the crowd at the Perth Masters darts tournament have no idea that there is a darts tournament being played, they have confirmed.
Incredibly rich countries surprisingly win most gold medals
INCREDIBLY wealthy nations have surprisingly cleaned up at the Olympics.
Arsenal relegation 'to be this year's Premier League feelgood story'
ARSENAL getting relegated could be an even more heartwarming football story than Leicester City's triumph last season, it has been claimed.
Female athletes' medals 78 per cent the size of male counterparts
MEDALS awarded to female Olympics athletes are slightly smaller than the ‘male’ version, it has been confirmed.
Well done Britain and this won’t affect any future wars, says China
CHINA has laughed off Britain’s superior Olympics medal haul with some good-humoured jokes about future global conflicts.
Man not interested in random sport things
A MAN with no interest in random sport things like rowing, gymnastics and judo is mentally ill, friends and colleagues believe.
Mourinho to whip a naked Juan Mata through the streets of Salford
JOSE Mourinho has given Juan Mata the day off so he can whip his naked body through the streets of Salford.