Sunday, 27th September 2020

Sign our petition for Marcus Rashford to win the Premier League

MARCUS Rashford is a hero who’s given Britain hope. And now it’s time for us to give back, by making him sole winner of the 2019/20 Premier League. 

This modest man of humble origins has always dreamed of one day holding the Premier League trophy aloft, so why make him wait?

Carpers have complained that Liverpool are on course to win the Premier League, with 27 wins in 29 games and a 25-point lead. But come on.

Liverpool have won the league loads of times. Liverpudlians love a charitable cause. They’ll gladly step aside to give this exceptional young man his due, and won’t mind in the least.

And don’t worry Liverpool fans, even though Rashford is a Manchester United player this trophy won’t be going to your hated rivals. Instead, in an unprecedented move, this year’s winner will for the first time be one man.

Like Harry Potter in Hogwarts, Rashford will be awarded 150 points just for being his wonderful self. He will lift the trophy in a neutral venue and embark on a one-man socially-distanced open-top bus tour of the whole country.

He’s already the nation’s champion. Let’s make it official. Sign our petition today. Until he says something about racism and suddenly we turn on him and call him a naïve, foolish, spoilt little boy.