Up yours, BBC tells Ferguson

MATCH of the Day producers have welcomed the opportunity to completely ignore Sir Alex Ferguson.

Ferguson prepares to attack a man who has just mentioned David Attenborough

The 70 year-old Manchester United manager has ended his seven year dummy spit with the BBC, which began after they produced a documentary untainted by business or political influence, in keeping with Ferguson’s unshakeable left-wing beliefs.

The documentary suggested that Ferguson’s son may not have been the living incarnation of Zeus and that football agents were possibly not the Platonic ideal of probity and honesty.

This made the never-ending fountain of radge ban any mention of the BBC at Old Trafford and led to the transfer of Cristiano Ronaldo after the Portuguese striker hinted he was a big fan of Cash in The Attic.

Producer Tom Logan said: “We’ll approach him after the Arsenal match and then, as he’s getting into why the whole world’s against him – which usually takes  about four seconds – the interviewer will just walk away. At which point Ferguson’s head should explode in a pink mist of fury.

“It’s important we do this as I think that, while the BBC has many faults, kowtowing to the capricious whims of a jumped-up PE teacher shouldn’t be one of them.”

The technical team at MOTD will also join in by removing Ferguson from footage of United games and replacing his image with a photo of Jose Mourinho to ensure maximum Glaswegian profanity.

Logan added: “As a parent I know the value of ignoring a tantrum, even a seven-year-long one, and if it means having to endure Ferguson drumming his fists on the floor and deliberately shitting himself during Sports Personality of the Year to make our point, I think it will be worth it.”