Agony Aunt

Her entire fruitloop family is on my case
As Dostoevsky wrote, 'don't do the crime if you can't do the time'.

I want to indicate that I will gladly engage in physical intimacy
Wipe a massive bogey on her back.

I recently had a nasty accident where I fell out of my Range Rover
I'll admit I had eaten at least 25 packets of Hall's Soothers.

I cry myself to sleep most nights. How can I be popular again?
Pretend your brother is joining One Direction.

My boss thinks he is entitled to order me around
You need to get your big sister to beat him up after work.

What the hell is wrong with everyone?
Blame the media for giving you false expectations.

Does evil lurk 'down there'?
Woman get better with age, like the Millenium Falcon.

Husbands are the grown-up equivalent of boy bands
They are intensely appealing for about six months at most.

