THE only things that properly scare me are Mister Maker's eyes and my granny's enormous pink knickers.
THEY gave me a can of fizzy pop and told me to stand with a crowd of hippies.
MY granny also thinks Daniel O'Donnell is sexy so she is clearly off her head.
MY teacher, Edwina Pringle, probably has Love Actually in her top three films.
NEWSFLASH: Maths is for losers.
"It's becoming more and more of a struggle to look at my own big smug face staring back at me."
"I just want the one, just one teeny tiny little referendum and then I swear I'll be off them for good."
MY WIFE is a miserable cow.
- Ask Holly: Sometimes I amaze myself, so why does my wife despise me?
- Ask Holly: Looking like a badger entangled in a Laura Ashley sale rail doesn’t mean I’m not a leader
- Ask Holly: An army of sparrows is plotting to overthrow the government
- Ask Holly: How can I make myself stop crying?
- Ask Holly: What's the best way of taking off leather trousers?