Agony Aunt

Dear Holly, My brother has become a problem for the family - Ivanka, Washington DC

"Donald Jr has a good heart but he is weak, and stupid, and this is life and death."

Dear Holly, I can't be arsed being royal anymore

Dear Holly, I've decided I can't be arsed being royal anymore. I'd much rather live life as a lowly pleb in a tiny house with a rubbish car and a dreadful job. Harry, Windsor

Ask Holly: I cannot continue working with desecrators of wheat fields

WHEN I grow up I'm going to get some plastic surgery and wear loads of make-up.

Ask Holly: I fear the Blue Battleaxe

ALL the adults are too busy posting socialist memes on Facebook.

Ask Holly: How can I cheer myself up after such flabby orange ghastliness?

CHRISTIANS must have cheerful faces full of joy, yet my recent house guest has left me with a foul grimace and a heavy heart.

Agony Aunt: Dear Boris, Under no circumstances should you call someone a 'fannybadger'

Dear Holly, Can you help me come up with an insult that is more accessible to the ignorant underclasses? Yours, Boris

Ask Holly: World leaders are working their sorry asses off to impress me

THE only things that properly scare me are Mister Maker's eyes and my granny's enormous pink knickers.