Agony Aunt

Dear Holly: "I've basically been fannying about"

I'm in the shit. I need an excuse, and quick, can you help? Yours, Sir John Chilcot

Ask Holly: I have a recurring dream about Mary Berry

IT always begins with me slowly entering the Bake Off tent in the middle of the night.

Ask Holly: Labour is like a toddler blindfolded and covered in jam about to cross the M25

WE learned all about sugar and diet in school and how anything that tastes remotely nice is EVIL.

Ask Holly: Keith Richards has been slagging us off

EVERYONE in the sixties was a heavy minger.

Ask Holly: Can I ever escape from the fakery of 1D?

AS president of the unofficial Taylor Swift fan club, I have taken an official oath to always despise One Direction.

Ask Holly: If I lose the leadership race I might become a Victoria's Secret model

THEY hate me because I win all the awards for being a mad mental left winger.

Dear Holly: What can I do to escape the cruel glare of the media?

WE did the planets at school last year so I know everything there is to know about astrology.

Dear Holly: That jackass Grimshaw has usurped me

OLDER people are biologically predetermined to stop wanting to do fun stuff.