Sport

THE position of Manchester United manager is likely to be open by lunchtime tomorrow, and after the last decade nobody much fancies it. Except these pumped-up pricks.

FOOTBALL fans have congratulated Harry Kane on his Ballon d’Or win while reminding him it is a very poor substitute for the World Cup.

HARRY Kane has been acclaimed as the greatest England player to have won no trophies whatsoever since the inimitable Wayne Rooney.

MANCHESTER City have sinned and must be scourged, for so it is written by the Premier League. What should be their penance?

EVERY trophy won by Manchester City between 2009 and 2019 is now available for judicious redistribution. Who is going to walk away with what?

PADEL is the sport slash cult sweeping middle-class Britain, but could it really be so irritating it takes over from veganism? We compare.

HEY kids. I’m a role model to you, and I admit I f**ked up. So don’t be like me. When you’re gunning your Lambo down the motorway on laughing gas, do it safely.