Sport

Plucky Lithuania set out to injure as many players as possible

THE Lithuania side are looking forward to going in studs-first on England’s big names in tonight’s Euro qualifier.

Fishermen only do it because they hate fish

FISHING is not a sport but an attempt to eradicate fish from the world, fishermen have confirmed.

World Cup final clashes with Amazon’s Christmas last order date

THE final of the World Cup in Qatar has been disastrously scheduled on the same day as the cut-off date for Amazon orders.

Champions League quarter finals 'are an ancient myth'

AFTER yet another failed attempt to reach the quarter-finals of the Champions League, British clubs have concluded they do not exist.

Sunderland in dazzling display of no-touch football

SUNDERLAND wowed fans with their unique brand of no-touch football during a 4-0 home defeat to Aston Villa.

Rooney breaks first two rules of Fight Club

MANCHESTER United's Wayne Rooney flouted the first two rules of Fight Club by releasing a video of him being knocked out by Phil Bardsley.

Cyclists told to take proper drugs

CYCLISTS have been told to take proper drugs because that might make their sport vaguely interesting.

Suspiciously talented footballers invade pitch at Villa Park

POLICE are trying to identify 11 men dressed in claret and blue shirts who invaded the pitch at Villa Park and played effective attacking football.