Waitrose shopping contained intimidatingly working class spider

A FAMILY’S Waitrose food delivery contained a massive loudmouthed spider with old-fashioned sexist views.

Ed Miliband is unpaid intern

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is still technically on work experience and has yet to receive a wage.

Group of tired, miserable people actually networking

A GROUP of conference attendees making strained conversation at the bar have realised that they are networking.

Bono to do a shit in your sock drawer

CONCEITED rocker Bono has announced plans for a free gift of a turd among your socks.

Man trapped in Waterstones has idea for a book

A MAN who was trapped in a Waterstones has had an idea for a novel.

Drunk you is the real you

YOUR behaviour when you are drunk represents your true personality, scientists have confirmed.

Ghosts ‘bollocks’

GHOSTS are a load of bollocks, it has been confirmed.

Lord Freud tells disabled to rent out their wheelchairs

A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.

Russell Brand crucifixion ‘could save mankind’

ATTACHING Russell Brand to a big cross would probably sort everything out, it has been claimed.