Office beauty claimed with territorial bouquet

AN ATTRACTIVE woman has been marked as an alpha male’s property with a territorial Valentine’s bouquet.

Public reminded that actors are full of shit

LISTENING to what actors think is stupid because they are stupid, it has been confirmed.

Jeremy Hunt’s mum proud of him ‘in spite of everything’

THE mother of Jeremy Hunt remains proud of him, no matter what anyone says.

Scientists completely fail to explain ‘gravitational waves’

SCIENTISTS are under attack after making a huge fuss about ‘gravitational waves’ then failing to explain what they are.

Syrian refugees 'now have no excuse not to return to bombsites'

THE Syrian ceasefire means refugees have no reason not to go back to the blasted ruins of their homes, say European leaders.

All junior doctors to retrain as brand managers

ALL 53,000 junior doctors are to retrain as corporate brand managers for the same pay and no working weekends.

Non-football fan discovers price of tickets then dies laughing

A MAN who does not like football died laughing after discovering the price of a ticket.

Ask Holly: I'm torn between a Rampant Rabbit and backing the Brexit

WE'VE got a lovely little school rabbit called Nibbles who eats vegetables and does tiny poos everywhere.

Woman giving up religion for Lent

A WOMAN has pledged to abstain from Christianity for forty days, it has emerged.