THE new season of The Walking Dead involves a moment of hope followed by yet another gruelling journey, it has been revealed.
A 35 year-old man has declared that music is dead, for what he reckons is probably the ninth time.
AN UNDERAGE boy has been served a pint of beer by his local pub after age recognition software confirmed that he was 44 years old.
THE prime minister has lost British sovereignty to Germany in a game of poker at the European summit in Brussels.
SHOTS do not count as a round of drinks, expert drinkers have agreed.
A VEGETARIAN has rejoiced at the one suitable meal offered on a restaurant menu.
A SEAGULL has landed at the summit of a litter bin and proclaimed himself the ruler of all he surveys.
THE SUN has confirmed that if the Queen dares breathe one compassionate word about immigrants she is fucking gone.
THE Liberal Democrats’ second place in the Witney by-election confirmed them as the party Britain turns to when all hope is lost.