Scotland to be covered in tinfoil

SCOTLAND is to be covered by a massive tinfoil tent because of the mind reading space lasers.

Hilary Mantel admits shooting Thatcher

NOVELIST Hilary Mantel has confessed to the murder of Margaret Thatcher.

England demands English votes for French laws

ENGLISH voters have demanded the right to sort out the French once and for all.

Tena is coolest brand

INCONTINENCE specialist Tena has been vote the UK’s coolest brand.

Wales votes 'yes' to rudeness

WALES has voted overwhelmingly to carry on being rude to visitors.

Van Gaal calls for an end to numbers in football

LOUIS van Gaal has claimed that football must be freed from the shackles of maths.

OKCupid profile clearly copied from LinkedIn

SINGLETON Tom Booker has filled in his online dating profile with information about his professional skills and employment history.

Earth hates Sting

PLANET Earth has confirmed that it really does not like Sting.

NASA to send silverback gorillas into space

AMERICA'S new series of space missions will be manned by silverback gorillas.