British men getting untoned for summer

BRITAIN’S men are getting their bodies into the perfect overweight shape for the beach.

Myleene Klass spells out true name of God on Countdown

FORMER Hear’Say singer Myleene Klass has triggered the End of Days after accidentally spelling out God’s true name.

Stealing a car now less hassle than hiring one

BRITISH holidaymakers have been advised to steal a car rather than trying to rent one.

Britain’s economy realises it’s just a load of bullshit

BRITAIN’S economy has slowed after it realised it was living in a fantasy world.

Chimps being groomed for your job

CHIMPANZEES are currently being trained up to take your job.

Miliband at Russell Brand’s house for weekly séance

ED Miliband attends a weekly seance at the home of Russell Brand, it has emerged.

1,000 love rats back Tories in letter to Take A Break

ONE thousand of the UK's leading love cheats have urged Britain to vote Tory in a letter to Take a Break.

Man's first day of wearing Apple Watch to work not going as hoped

SALES manager Tom Logan’s new Apple Watch has been unexpectedly ridiculed by his work colleagues.

Guardian backs campaign to reclaim Brixton from Guardian readers

THE Guardian has condemned the middle-class gentrification of Brixton by its own readers.