This is a new low for me, says 'gate' suffix

THE -gate suffix, used for political scandals since 1972’s Watergate, has admitted that yesterday’s Traingate is a new low. 

Are you hard?

TAKE our short test to find out if you are hard.

Mulholland Drive voted best film by group of drooling perverts

DAVID Lynch's Mulholland Drive has been voted the best film of the 21st century by a group of disgusting and sweaty men.

Man back from holiday furious at his lazy past self

A MAN has returned to the office furious at how much work was left undone by his lazy bastard self from a fortnight ago.

Mothers don’t need money because they have the joy of children

MOTHERS do not mind earning a third less because having children is so wonderful, a report has found.

Team GB athletes caught smuggling precious metals into UK

BRITAIN’S Olympians have brought shame upon the country by attempting to smuggle rare metals from Brazil.

Girlfriends confirm nothing is wrong although their manner suggests otherwise

BRITAIN’S girlfriends have confirmed that nothing is wrong, but in a slightly offhand way which suggests that this may not be the case.

Man weirdly aggressive about being a dad

A MAN keeps mentioning his children in a way that is clearly meant to make people respect him, it has emerged.

Being proved right about Brexit more important than future of UK

BRITONS are hoping the UK will suffer social and economic chaos if it supports their views on Brexit, they have revealed.