ALL remaining public assets are to be transferred to Richard Branson to see what he does with them.
MEN who love vinyl records have been told to just f**king marry them and live happily ever after.
A BLACK Friday shopper has stopped hitting a pensioner so she can take in the atmosphere.
AN unemployed, single and homeless man is racing against time to sort his life out before seeing his relatives for Christmas.
POLICEMEN have admitted they enjoy Typhoo tea, the comedian Jethro and Sweet & Spicy Pot Noodles.
THE ‘fog’ currently enveloping Bristol has a strong aroma of cannabis, it has been claimed.
THE commission on new powers for Scotland has unveiled a camel with nine legs, seven humps and 13 buttocks.
PEOPLE who claim to be perfectionists are just moody bastards, it has emerged.
ED Miliband has revealed that he is struggling to keep up with his packed diary of PR blunders.