Hello Kitty ‘the nightmarish result of an immoral genetic experiment’

HELLO Kitty is a vengeful cat-human hybrid that feeds on livers, it has been confirmed.

Wenger lifts calcium ban

ARSENE Wenger has reluctantly re-introduced calcium to his team's diet after Olivier Giroud broke a tibia.

The Shard turned into a charity shop

LONDON’S tallest building has become Europe’s biggest branch of Cancer Research.

‘Piss off, you hipster git’ says Mary Berry

BRITAIN cheered last night as Mary Berry told a hipster to get the hell off her television programme.

Paid work is a poor career choice, say employers

WORKERS who demand to be paid are missing out on valuable opportunities to showcase themselves and add to their CVs, it has been claimed.

Can I have my free golliwog now? asks Carswell

THE Tory MP who defected to UKIP has asked when he gets his free golliwog.

DVLA getting kids to make tax discs

THE DVLA has a team of seven-year-old girls making its tax discs using colourful card and glitter.

Man United to become MK Mancs

FOLLOWING the successful example of MK Dons, Manchester United is to set up in the same town under the name MK Mancs.

Australia wants to get its war on

AUSTRALIA has said it is willing to join bombing missions in Iraq, or anywhere else, because it loves a good fight.