Lord Sugar actually unemployed

THE winner of this year’s Apprentice will fill in Lord Sugar’s job applications while he watches daytime TV, the BBC has admitted.

Cameron urges Britons to steal from European hotels

DAVID Cameron has told British tourists to recoup the UK’s £2 billion EU surcharge by stealing things from continental hotels.

Cold-calling divorce lawyers promise compensation for bad marriages

DIVORCE lawyers are making unsolicited calls to ask if you have suffered a marriage, relationship or children that are not your fault.

Balotelli was trying to infiltrate Real Madrid

MARIO Balotelli has explained he swapped shirts with Real Madrid at half-time to go undercover and win the game for Liverpool.

Any company making a profit is lying

ANY business which claims to be successful is covering up a huge hole in its accounts, analysts have confirmed.

Soup claiming to be a full meal

SOUP is continuing to insist it is a main course despite barely functioning as a starter.

‘Getting your name out there’ to become legal tender

ANYONE asked to undertake unpaid work can exchange Facebook ‘likes’ for food under a new government initiative.

Git of the Year

IT is quite simple, there is a list of gits and you vote for one.

Argentine Top Gear leaves trail of destruction

ARGENTINIAN motoring show Marcha Mas has left outrage in its wake on a trip to the UK.