Summer confirms ‘bold, original’ ending

SUMMER has decided to end suddenly for artistic reasons, it has confirmed.

Hard left actually a retired teacher with a duffle coat

BRITAIN’S hard left consists of a 67 year-old former teacher who likes to collect different types of tea.

Neighbour celebrates 10 years of hammering the shit out of something

NEIGHBOURS of a man in Stevenage have confirmed that Roy Hobbs has completed 10 years of hammering the absolute shit out of something in his house.

European tour group being shown around your house

A GROUP of 20 European teenagers with backpacks is currently being given a guided tour of your home.

Boris still not likeable

THE Mayor of London is still not particularly likeable despite a sustained campaign of antics.

Grandad rings up for help deleting his Ashley Madison profile

YOUR grandfather has phoned up to get help deleting his profile from hacked sex contacts site Ashley Madison.

Increasingly evil and cunning seagulls open lettings agency

SEAGULLS have cemented their position as humanity’s arch-enemy by opening a lettings agency specialising in ‘luxury studio flats’.

Thanks Pixar, say little shits

EVIL children have thanked Pixar’s Inside Out for putting the blame on cartoon characters.

Middle class advantages outweighed by having to live among middle class people

THE benefits of being born middle class are not worth all the bullshit, it has been claimed.