Man unveils plan to burn the crap out of a pizza at 3am 


A MAN has announced he will be arriving home drunk around three in the morning and then burning the shit out of a frozen pizza.

Please, please stop us drinking beer in airports at 6am, say Britons

BRITISH air travellers will accept any regulation that stops them drinking full pints in airport bars at 6am, they have confirmed.

Employer obeys employment law

BURGER restaurant Byron has been accused of acting in full accordance with UK immigration law.

‘Hillary should’ve smiled more,’ says voter choosing between her or a deranged murder clown

HILLARY Clinton should have smiled more during her speech, according to a man who may now vote for a demented orange clown instead.

16-year-old fools barman by ordering a Campari and soda

A 16-YEAR-OLD girl managed to fool bar staff that she was of legal drinking age by ordering a Campari and soda.

UKIP steps up search for new bellend

UKIP is to accelerate its leadership election to fill the bellend void left by Nigel Farage.

Lloyds fires local branch staff who actually caused the financial crisis

LLOYDS Bank has disposed of 3,000 local bank workers who started the financial crisis from their roles behind counters.

Office workers advised to run away

UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.

People who buy pre-sliced fruit ‘not proper humans’

THE gap between those who buy expensive packs of pre-sliced fruit and normal people is wider than previously thought, experts have found.