Professional football sickened by FIFA’s culture of greed

THE world of professional football has expressed its outrage at the 'sickening' greed of FIFA officials.

Beach breaks ruined by refugees’ unbreakable human spirit

BRITISH tourists on the Greek island of Kos are having their holidays spoiled by refugees' stubborn desire to live.

New Bond novel just string of sexual harassment suits

NEW James Bond book Trigger Mortis sees the ageing spy in court for more than 22 cases of sexual harassment in the workplace.

Restaurant couple clearly on a voucher

A COMMON-LOOKING couple in a fancy restaurant were only there because of an internet voucher, according to fellow diners.

European leaders not allowing Cameron to use toilet

NONE of the European leaders visited on David Cameron’s whistle-stop tour of Europe are letting him use the toilet.

That’s how teeth are supposed to look, says Britain

BRITAIN’S teeth are imperfect because they haven’t had lots of weird expensive shit done to them, it has emerged.

Blatter unveils enormous gonads

SEPP Blatter has confirmed he has quite tremendously huge testicles.

Jail term for spinning really fast on office chair

PEOPLE who use a swivel chair to make themselves dizzy face up to three years in prison.

Qatar still the home of football, says Blatter

FIFA president Sepp Blatter has confirmed that Qatar remains the birthplace of football and no investigation will change that.