Non-football fan discovers price of tickets then dies laughing

A MAN who does not like football died laughing after discovering the price of a ticket.

Woman giving up religion for Lent

A WOMAN has pledged to abstain from Christianity for forty days, it has emerged.

PE teacher pretending to have read and understood Jane Eyre

SCHOOL staff shortages forced a PE teacher to pretend he’s read Jane Eyre, it has emerged.

Tories are like that precisely because nobody kissed them

THE Conservative party is founded on lonely nights at school discos, it has emerged.

Drink-Uber limit lowered

THE legal blood-alcohol level for Uber users has been lowered after serious damage to passenger ratings.

Children’s books designed to make adults sound like idiots

CHILDREN’S books are written specifically to make the adults reading them aloud sound like idiots, it has emerged.

Psychics still a thing

PSYCHICS are still in existence despite the fact it is 2016.

Greece split over future of Kraken

GREECE’S left-wing leader has said he would never unleash the Kraken and called for the monster to be phased out.

Men spend most of lives imagining they are manager of favourite football team with an unlimited budget

MEN spend around 60 per cent of their lives daydreaming about managing their favourite football team with unlimited money to spend on players, it has emerged.