Family dreading plan to ‘do something different’ for Christmas

A MUM’S desire to ‘do something different’ at Christmas has been met with fear and suspicion by her family, it has emerged.

Psychic Bob: After your biscuits are stolen you decide to burn down the building

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) After some custard creams are accidentally eaten from your desk today, you have no option but to set fire to the building as a retaliatory measure.

Woman’s dream meaningless

A 29-YEAR-OLD woman’s bizarre and convoluted dream has no meaning whatsoever, it has been confirmed.

Osborne's attempt to bond with builders ends with threat to have them all killed

GEORGE Osborne has threatened to ‘disappear’ everyone on a building site after they criticised his bricklaying technique.

Isis pays Mail and Sun for ‘strategic PR services’

ISIS has paid the Sun and the Daily Mail five figure sums for ‘strategic public relations and reputation management’.

Cockroaches following Russian jet story with interest

THE NEXT dominant species on the planet is following the news of a downed Russian jet on the Syria-Turkey border with growing interest.

Lunatic buys shitload of Christmas presents for baby

A MAN has spent a ridiculous amount of money on Christmas gifts for his six month-old son.

Safety conscious cyclists sticking to pavement

CAREFUL bicycle users are increasingly using the pavement as a way to avoid the dangers of the road.

Health advice just assumes nobody does manual work these days

EXPERTS giving out dietary advice believe everyone spends their days sitting down in a nice warm office, it has emerged.