Git of the Year

IT is quite simple, there is a list of gits and you vote for one.

‘Getting your name out there’ to become legal tender

ANYONE asked to undertake unpaid work can exchange Facebook ‘likes’ for food under a new government initiative.

Argentine Top Gear leaves trail of destruction

ARGENTINIAN motoring show Marcha Mas has left outrage in its wake on a trip to the UK.

Afterlife only for animals

ONLY animals go to Heaven, it has emerged.

Man City struggled without familiar chorus of boos

MANCHESTER City captain Vincent Kompany has admitted his side was distracted against CSKA Moscow by the lack of abusive chanting.

Paranoia now part of national identity

BRITAIN'S national character now includes the belief that everything is an evil conspiracy.

Inclusive community choir secretly hoping the shit ones will quit

A COMMUNITY choir that welcomes all singing abilities would quite like it if the tuneless ones stopped turning up, it has emerged.

Incredibly depressing time capsule buried

A TIME capsule containing the Ebola virus, a bent iPhone 6 and a UKIP manifesto has been buried as a warning to future humans.

Even UKIP supporters admit Mike Read has always been a dick

MIKE Read has been denounced by UKIP supporters old enough to remember Frankie Goes to Hollywood.