BBC ordered to refer to Terminator as T-800

THE government has told the BBC not to prejudice the public by referring to the T-800 as the Terminator.

The Mash guide to barbecues

THE sun is shining, which means that you can only look in enviously at the comforts of your home while you chew meat in the garden.

Greece holds decisive referendum on Christ knows what

THE Greek people are ready to give their final yes or no vote on an unknown issue that will decide their entire future.

Next Labour PM celebrates 10th birthday

THE boy who will be Britain’s next Labour Prime Minister in 2056 turned 10 years old yesterday.

Dolphins spoiling for a fight

DOLPHINS are vicious, brutal thugs spoiling for a fight with humanity, it has emerged.

Cameron moves Syria Post-it to eye-level

DAVID Cameron has decisively moved a Post-it note reading “Action on Syria?!?” to eye-level on his fridge door.

Coffee round so complicated it requires a specialist

A CITY accountancy firm has advertised for a trained specialist to deal with its demanding daily coffee round.

Pompous arse taking tough stance on Greece

COMPLETE nobody Roy Hobbs is demanding tough action be taken against Greece.

We’ve all f**ked up at some point, Britain tells Bassett

BRITONS are confessing their cock-ups in a show of solidarity with footballer Laura Bassett.