Rare records mostly dreadful

SCARCE and highly collectable vinyl records are generally awful, it has emerged.

Britain sleeping in fridge

THE entire population of the UK has moved downstairs to sleep inside the fridge.

Public furious at competent bankers

THE public has called for the RBS bankers who made a £1 billion profit to be replaced by bungling hate figures.

4x4 drivers demand worse roads

DRIVERS of 4x4 offroad vehicles are campaigning for more challenging roads with rubble and other hazards.

Fight Club 2 focuses on making club into viable business

THE SEQUEL to Fight Club is about the lengthy administrative process necessary to make the club legal and profitable.

Celebrities call for right to be remembered

FORMER celebrities are lobbying search engines to stop them fading into cultural oblivion.

Opening ceremony viewers question their sanity

THE Commonwealth Games opening ceremony has left viewers phoning friends to make sure they saw the same thing.

Tube carriage reveals shocking treatment of human livestock

HUMANS are being transported across London in crammed, sweltering underground carriages, it has been revealed.

New Spurs kit just a shirt and socks

TOTTENHAM Hotspur players will line up in 2014/15 wearing a long shirt that barely covers their groins, it has been revealed.