Savoy Hotel closes after bad TripAdvisor review

LONDON hotel The Savoy has closed its doors after more than 125 years following a one-star TripAdvisor review.

BBC confident it can find a new prick

THE BBC has confirmed that Top Gear will continue without Jeremy Clarkson as Britain is awash with boorish oafs.

Nobody cares about second baby, Kate told

THE Duchess of Cambridge has been advised that interest in her forthcoming baby is hovering around zero.

Punk scientists discover fourth chord

LEADING punk scientists have confirmed the existence of a fourth chord.

Men get their own bullshit body types

AFTER decades of women being described as being ‘pear-shaped’ and similar, men have been given their own contrived body shapes.

Builders distraught at Zayn leaving 1D

ZAYN Malik’s core fanbase of men working in the building trade is today in shock.

Liberal elite declares police state

THE UK government has been overthrown by a liberal elite junta headed by Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee.

Showing initiative ‘a waste of everyone’s time’

SHOWING initiative is a waste of time for the person who does it and those who have to live with the consequences.

Paxman was doodling sketches of what he would do to Cameron and Miliband

JEREMY Paxman drew dozens of crude sketches of what he would do to David Cameron and Ed Miliband during last night’s TV interviews.