Man United sack Moyes back to the Stone Age

DAVID Moyes is being fired so hard he will have to take on two full-time jobs just to be unemployed.

Women now doing lots of pointless bloke crap

WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.

Blur-Oasis rivalry reignited over sheds

OASIS founder Noel Gallagher has launched a scathing attack on garden sheds belonging to Damon Albarn and other members of Blur.

Britain’s ‘values’ based on Star Wars, Breakfast Club and The Godfather

THE ‘moral values’ of most people in Britain are based on classic films from the 1970s and 80s, it has been confirmed.

Weather ruins bank holiday traffic jams

BRITAIN’S traditional Easter traffic jams have been blighted by heavy rain for the third successive year.

Britain ravaged by annual Creme Egg riots

BRITAIN was a blood-soaked hellhole yesterday as the nation fought to the death over Creme Eggs.

Jesus died to give us two bank holidays

THE Archbishop of Canterbury has given thanks to Jesus, who gave his life so that we could have not just a Monday off work but a Friday too.

Tesco vows to take Britain down with it

TESCO has warned the people of the UK that they will pay with their lives for abandoning it.

William goes into 'tyrant mode'

PRINCE William has lapsed into behaving like a 16th century tyrant during his tour of Australia.