A TIME capsule containing the Ebola virus, a bent iPhone 6 and a UKIP manifesto has been buried as a warning to future humans.
A COMMUNITY choir that welcomes all singing abilities would quite like it if the tuneless ones stopped turning up, it has emerged.
MIKE Read has been denounced by UKIP supporters old enough to remember Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
SWEDEN has dropped depth charges in three squares of the Baltic in an attempt to hit a Russian submarine.
A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.
THE British Medical Association has admitted that doctors have not been trained in ‘brain stuff’.
A NEW model of car is as unremarkable as your personality, according to its makers.
SUNDERLAND players have paid to have fans' memories of their defeat by Southampton surgically deleted.
THE EU has threatened to send your elderly expat relatives home to live with you.