12 things that make Manchester better than pretty much anywhere

1. It, obviously, has the best bands. Sorry Glasgow and wherever else bands come from.  

Humanity levels raised to 'high'

LEVELS of kindness and co-operation across the UK have been raised to their highest point in recent history.

Cuts mean army can do lots of other 'police stuff', says May

THERESA May has confirmed the army will increasingly ‘stand in’ for the police while reassuring Britain that it is 'totally fine'.

Everyone finally able to admit Roger Moore was best Bond

ROGER Moore was the best Bond even if it was never cool to say that, everyone has admitted.

Vatican 'like a two-star motel', Trump tells Pope

DONALD Trump has dismissed the the Vatican as 'low rent' and told the Pope to spend some money on it.

Pirates of the Caribbean 5 ‘accurately depicts tedium of 18th century sea travel’

THE latest Pirates of the Caribbean film has been praised for recreating the boredom and restlessness of 18th Century sea voyages.

John Terry's Chelsea farewell 'a bit over the top', says North Korea

JOHN Terry's Chelsea farewell was a bit too much pomp and ceremony, according to North Korea.

You like this

THIS is what you like, it has been confirmed.

Trump converts to Islam

DONALD Trump has confirmed that he is a now a Muslim.