A MAN has announced he will be arriving home drunk around three in the morning and then burning the shit out of a frozen pizza.
BRITISH air travellers will accept any regulation that stops them drinking full pints in airport bars at 6am, they have confirmed.
BURGER restaurant Byron has been accused of acting in full accordance with UK immigration law.
HILLARY Clinton should have smiled more during her speech, according to a man who may now vote for a demented orange clown instead.
A 16-YEAR-OLD girl managed to fool bar staff that she was of legal drinking age by ordering a Campari and soda.
UKIP is to accelerate its leadership election to fill the bellend void left by Nigel Farage.
LLOYDS Bank has disposed of 3,000 local bank workers who started the financial crisis from their roles behind counters.
UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.
THE gap between those who buy expensive packs of pre-sliced fruit and normal people is wider than previously thought, experts have found.