Tossers ‘curating’ everything

AN arts twat claims to have curated a cup of tea by adding milk and sugar.

Machine getting sick of carrying Florence

THE machine from Florence + the Machine is getting tired of doing all the work, it has revealed.

I just want you to be happy, Sturgeon tells Miliband

ED Miliband and Nicola Sturgeon have once again failed to fully explore their emotional wants and needs.

Britain basks in weather that is slightly too cold to bask in

MILLIONS have flocked to beaches, parks and pub gardens where they have pretended not to be slightly cold.

UKIP funded by massive tits

RICHARD Desmond has boosted UKIP's election campaign with a £1m donation generated by breasts.

NASA to tackle more of David Bowie's questions

HAVING discovered life-giving water on Mars, NASA scientists are hoping to address further questions posed by David Bowie.

Welsh tourist board clearly using pictures of other places

THE Welsh tourist agency has been promoting the country with images of tropical beaches and the Taj Mahal.

Man with mortgage and kid unable to throw out rave tapes

38-YEAR-OLD Tom Booker has decided at keep his rave ‘tape packs’ despite being an adult with responsibilities.

Old white men to be able to do whatever they like

OLD white men are to behave as they please unless it affects other old white men.