SUNSHINE has brought Britain's attractive people out of the chrysalis-like pods where they spend most of the year.
BRITONS are currently either away or brimming with resentment, it has emerged.
THE NEW series of Mad Men climaxes with the writing and recording of the Um Bongo advert.
BRITAIN'S 2ft super-rats have said they only want to scrabble about on your sleeping body.
AMERICA has become a communist country following the appearance of a red moon.
WORLD leaders are considering a nuclear missile attack on Calfornia's Coachella festival.
BRITONS who prefer weekends without expensive social obligations have opposed gay and straight marriage.
PRINCE William only asked a New Zealand woman to make another baby shawl because the first one was so shit.
TAPAS-TYPE meals are proof that the concept of sharing is overrated, it has been claimed.