DADS are struggling with normality after 24 hours of unbridled self-indulgence.
BRITAIN is still a world-leader at producing people who can fall out of buildings, it has been confirmed.
HORSES are strange, it has been claimed.
Two decades have officially passed since people knew what was at the top of the charts.
GPS collars have revealed that cats spend their nights in the nearest cat pub.
REAL-LIFE apprentices are acting like insane twats thanks to BBC One's The Apprentice, it has been claimed.
RUPERT Murdoch and his wife are to divorce after she stumbled across a pentagram painted in blood in the basement of their New York mansion.
THOUSANDS of taxi drivers are returning from Cabfest, the drive-in mellow music festival.
PROTESTORS in Turkey have threatened to utilise drunk Britons against government forces.