STRIKER Didier Drogba is dragging himself back to Stamford Bridge to end his days, the club has confirmed.
THOUSANDS of middle class people are receiving emergency lack of perspective treatment following the cancellation of Secret Cinema.
SCARCE and highly collectable vinyl records are generally awful, it has emerged.
THE entire population of the UK has moved downstairs to sleep inside the fridge.
THE Commonwealth Games opening ceremony has left viewers phoning friends to make sure they saw the same thing.
THE public has called for the RBS bankers who made a £1 billion profit to be replaced by bungling hate figures.
SEXUAL intercourse is probably the weirdest thing you will ever do, according to experts.
THE prime minister is to impose sanctions on Russia's wealthiest city, London.
THE SEQUEL to Fight Club is about the lengthy administrative process necessary to make the club legal and profitable.