Stranger gave mum £10 to piss off

MOTHER of three Nikki Hollis was given £10 by a stranger to leave her local pub and take her kids with her.

Trains set free to roam as they please

RAIL bosses have given up trying to control their trains and have set them free to roam wild.

Middle class socialists concerned about Tsipras’s modest lifestyle

COMFORTABLY-OFF socialists in the UK have expressed concern that Alexis Tsipras appears to live without lots of nice things.

Achievements to be restricted to over 30s

PEOPLE under 30 are to be banned from achieving any kind of success.

Strange clingy people welcome room sharing

THE trend for sharing a rented room with a complete stranger has been welcomed by people who have no friends due to their weird personalities.

FA Cup giant-killings to be followed by Premier League dwarf-killings

FOLLOWING the weekend's giant-killing FA Cup wins, the Premier League has promised that next weekend's dwarf-crushings will continue as usual.

Greeks vote to stop having shit kicked out of them

GREEK voters have defied expectation by choosing not to be beaten like cringing dogs for the next five years.

McCartney irritating whole new generation

PAUL McCartney has become the first artist to irritate three generations of music fans after appearing on Rihanna's new single.

Funky CV makes applicant stand out as tiresome little shit

HAVING an innovative multimedia CV makes you stand out from the pack as a particularly tedious person, according to employers.