Mafia ‘in awe’ of UK train companies

A GROUP of New York mobsters has visited Britain to get tips on exploitation from train companies.

Ryanair ‘business class’ just ticket for different airline

RYANAIR has introduced ‘business class’ by selling tickets for proper airlines.

Miley Cyrus’s back-to-school shopping tips

I LIKE to move around the shelves, rubbing myself over the displays.

Apple to reclaim the word ‘gimmick’

TECHNOLOGY giant Apple has launched a campaign to remove the negative connotations of the word ‘gimmick’.

Seven year-olds to be taught how to end relationships via text

PRIMARY schoolchildren are to be educated in ending relationships by text, email, and Skype.

All new houses to be made of televisions

BUILDERS have completed the first UK home made entirely from television sets.

Poor people prefer shit things, explains Cameron

GOVERNMENT cuts affect poor people less because they like horrible cheap shit, David Cameron has explained.

Rich Kids of Wetherspoon

THE privileged young elite among Wetherspoon pub customers have been documenting their exploits on Instagram.

Music industry to help hot homeless people

THOUSANDS of physically attractive people don’t have anywhere to live, according to pop stars.