Veggie friend wondering if there's enough space on your BBQ for her ego

A VEGETARIAN  has been worrying about whether her friends have made room on their BBQ for her ego.

New parent and massive stoner discover they have loads in common

A NEW mum and a pothead have bonded over having red eyes and feeling divorced from reality, it has emerged.

Brexit might not actually mean Brexit, says May

BREXIT may mean free movement, unrestrained immigration, closer ties with the EU and many other things which are not actually Brexit, Theresa May has declared.

Shithole flat cleverly disguised by string lights

A CRAP flat now looks delightful due to some clever string light placement, it has been confirmed.

OJ Simpson to run for president

OJ SIMPSON, released from prison yesterday, has announced his intention to run for President of the United States.

British person not excited by new TV show about baking

A BRITISH human being is not counting down the days until the start of a show about cakes.

Millennials need to grow up and get over Harry Potter, says 46-year-old with Stormtrooper helmet

A MIDDLE-AGED bank manager who owns a replica Stormtrooper helmet has called millennials still into Harry Potter ‘pathetic’.

Corbyn embraces populism with pledge to ban U2

JEREMY Corbyn has pledged that a Labour government would ban U2 from Britain.

Vow to not give toddler iPad lasts 78 seconds

TWO idealistic parents have reneged on their pledge to raise their child without screens after 78 seconds of spirited resistance.