Women who don't like sex looking for new heartthrob

WOMEN with no interest in copulation are bereft following the marriage of their dream man George Clooney.

Golf ‘not good’

RYDER Cup fans have been warned that golf is a boring pastime for twats.

Britain demands weirder-looking dogs

DOG enthusiasts have called for stranger and more physically dysfunctional breeds.

Stephen Fry refused to share his gak with Prince Philip

ACTOR Stephen Fry has admitted refusing to share his cocaine with a furious Prince Philip.

EU popular when humiliating America

PUBLIC support for the European Union peaks when it is lording it over the USA, it has emerged.

Britons only attracted to themselves

INCREASINGLY narcissistic Britons only want to have sex with themselves, it has emerged.

FIFA 15 knows which players are secretly gay

THE new FIFA game is so realistic that it knows if players are smokers, drug addicts or closeted homosexuals.

Salmond offered Syria

ALEX Salmond has been asked if he would like to run Syria for a bit.

Gerrard blamed for everything

STEVEN Gerrard is responsible not only for Liverpool’s poor start to the season but all war, disease and famine, it has been claimed.