Kent emotionally devastated by earthquake

KENT residents have said they may never trust the earth again after being hit by a 4.2 magnitude earthquake.

Liz Kendall to punch UK's last coal miner

LABOUR leadership hopeful Liz Kendall has promised to punch the last surviving British coal miner hard in the face.

Bin Laden was 9/11 conspiracy theorist

OSAMA bin Laden was convinced that the CIA were responsible for the 9/11 attacks despite planning them himself, it has emerged.

Professor bets he can turn SNP MP into a gentleman

A PROFESSOR has entered into a wager that he can make a Scottish National Party MP pass for a gentleman.

Henry Hoover watches you sleep

YOUR Henry Hoover comes into your bedroom at night and watches you from inches away, researchers have discovered.

Tristram Hunt ducks out of leadership race after discovering he's a Tory

TRISTRAM Hunt will not stand in the Labour leadership contest after finding out he was actually a Conservative all along.

Gay cake converted entire tray of bread rolls to homosexuality

A GAY wedding cake has turned some bread rolls gay after being left beside them on a bakery counter.

Osborne swears parliamentary oath on Necronomicon

GEORGE Osborne has sworn his oath of allegiance on the sacred book of the Old Ones of R'lyeh.

Running addicts warned not to try anything pleasant

IF you can get addicted to something as awful as running you should definitely not try cocaine, according to experts.