THE shady figure who sold Myleene Klass a Catford garage for £2 million is refusing to discuss the deal.
A MAN in his thirties has expressed dismay at having to pretend to like 90s shoegaze band Ride for the second time.
A GOOD-LOOKING woman from a nice family has inexplicably failed to produce a cookery book.
WORLD War One has been declared Britain’s most on-trend conflict thanks to its nice coats and haircuts.
EVERY major sporting event will now take place under the blazing desert sun, it has been confirmed.
THE UK’s last working porn-getter has retired.
SCOTLAND has had quite enough of inconvenient reality, it has been confirmed.
BUSINESSES have warned they will be forced to start fining customers who complain.
THE word 'arm' has been deleted from the Oxford English Dictionary to accommodate 'vape'.