Hawking discovers new super-dense black hole

PROFESSOR Stephen Hawking has discovered the densest thing in the known universe.

So-called 'child genius' doesn't even know what 'chinny reckon' means

A CHILD that is meant to be clever has no idea about the basics of the playground English, it has emerged.

No one sure how to tell couple all their baby names are ridiculous

FRIENDS of an expectant couple are unsure how to tell them that all their baby names are utterly absurd.

Girls whispering about you

THESE girls are whispering about you, it has been claimed.

Bastard cat refusing to do that cute thing he does

A BASTARD cat has shown up his owner by refusing to do that adorable thing he does every day.

Primark 'must never be said aloud'

THE first rule of Primark is never talk about Primark, the bargain clothes retailer has confirmed.

Science fiction series set in parallel world where Trump is a good human being

A NEW science fiction series is set in an alternate reality where Donald Trump is a wise and kind leader of humanity.

Woman giving herself pep talk in mirror accidentally summons Morrissey

A WOMAN giving herself a motivational pep talk in the mirror has accidentally summoned Morrissey.

45-year-old man finally accepts that some people like rap music

A MIDDLE-AGED music fan who insisted that anyone claiming to enjoy rap music is lying has finally accepted some of them must be genuine.