Woman in bestial shopping frenzy pauses briefly to enjoy moment

A BLACK Friday shopper has stopped hitting a pensioner so she can take in the atmosphere.

Man still hoping he can turn life around before Christmas dinner

AN unemployed, single and homeless man is racing against time to sort his life out before seeing his relatives for Christmas.

Boycott chicken completely, say pecky food scientists

PUBLIC health officials have advised the public to stop eating chicken while pecking the microphone and squawking intermittently.

Actually we are a bit plebby, admit policemen

POLICEMEN have admitted they enjoy Typhoo tea, the comedian Jethro and Sweet & Spicy Pot Noodles.

Bristol fog smells suspiciously of skunk

THE ‘fog’ currently enveloping Bristol has a strong aroma of cannabis, it has been claimed.

Scotland commission unveils hideously deformed camel

THE commission on new powers for Scotland has unveiled a camel with nine legs, seven humps and 13 buttocks.

Jurassic World tells story of enjoyable day out at safety-conscious dinosaur park

THE new Jurassic Park sequel features no peril because of improved health and safety at the dinosaur park.

Miliband reveals packed gaffe schedule

ED Miliband has revealed that he is struggling to keep up with his packed diary of PR blunders.

'Perfectionism' an excuse to have massive tantrums

PEOPLE who claim to be perfectionists are just moody bastards, it has emerged.