IF I do not hear from you I will assume it is because I am not black or in ownership of a vagina.
ALL male BBC presenters have some form of penis adornment, it has emerged.
81-YEAR-OLD Mary Fisher's opinion of a film is based entirely on whether it features pleasant scenery.
SEXUAL intercourse is probably the weirdest thing you will ever do, according to experts.
GERRY McIlroy has bet the money he won on his son's Open victory on him never winning a major ever again.
NO diner prefers a slab of black rock to a plate, chefs have been informed.
'COFFEE' served in Scottish cafes is actually high strength lager.
THOUSANDS of Britons are hiring specialist image manipulators to simulate exotic cycling trips.
ARSENAL midfielder Mesut Ozil has not yet been able to touch the World Cup.