THE Rochester house covered in England flags is a Marxist commune, it has emerged.
JAMES Dyson has been told to shut up and invent a toaster that is not a useless bag of piss.
THE Russian hackers who broke into 500 UK webcams are transfixed by the sheer lack of event in British lives.
TACTICAL voters no longer have any idea who they are meant to be voting for or who they are trying to keep out, they have admitted.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has begged the Government to just let him take over now because he is too excited to wait any longer.
THE shady figure who sold Myleene Klass a Catford garage for £2 million is refusing to discuss the deal.
A MAN in his thirties has expressed dismay at having to pretend to like 90s shoegaze band Ride for the second time.
A GOOD-LOOKING woman from a nice family has inexplicably failed to produce a cookery book.
WORLD War One has been declared Britain’s most on-trend conflict thanks to its nice coats and haircuts.