IAIN Duncan Smith is tipped to win a bet on who can come up with the most idiotic idea at the Tory conference.
BRITAIN will accept diminished civil rights if it means less Russell Brand on the television, it has emerged.
THOUSANDS of people who find actual music too confusing are excited to purchase the new single by Cheryl Cole.
BRITAIN’S supermarkets have revealed plans to stop concealing their utter loathing of the public.
NEWCASTLE manager Alan Pardew has ignored enquiries about the huge sword suspended point-down above him by a single thread.
THE legal obligation to display a valid tax disc has been shifted from cars to people.
MANCHESTER United fans are communicating anything that pops into their heads via plane banners.
HUMANITY is conflicted over whether it is worth decimating the planet to maintain the supply of desirable consumer goods.
DAVID Cameron has reached out to Britain’s everyday bastard-in-the-street.