People who knew nothing about Ferguson riots able to work out exactly why they happened

A GROUP of people kept in isolation for the last six months has guessed exactly why there are riots in the US town of Ferguson.

Everything now ‘class war’

ANYTHING that makes you unhappy is a direct result of class war, it has been confirmed.

Kevin McCloud unveils tasteful modernist grotto

GRAND Designs host Kevin McCloud has launched a clinical, futuristic Christmas grotto for poncey families.

Shattered Tower Bridge glass shows city from a Londoner’s perspective

THE shattered glass walkway on Tower Bridge allows tourists to see London from the cracked perspective of a resident, it has been claimed.

Home workers demand more aspirational adverts

THE UK's home workers have hit out at TV advertisers' assumption that they are compensation-obsessed lowlives.

Average Masterchef contestant looks a decade older than they are

THE gruelling and horrible chef lifestyle has prematurely aged contestants on BBC Two’s Masterchef: The Professionals.

Hypochondriacs welcome ludicrous new health scare

BRITAIN'S hypochondriacs are delighted by claims that wi-fi could in some way harm their health.

UFO experts asked to stop milking Area 51

UFOLOGISTS have been told to stop going on about Roswell and come up with an alien incident within the last 20 years.

White van men confirmed as rightful kings of universe

WHITE van drivers are the fulcrum upon which the world turns, it has been confirmed.