THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.
SCOTLAND to tax its millionaires because they could never find anywhere nicer to live.
A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.
A 10-YEAR-OLD football fan has grudgingly hung a poster of James Milner on his wall.
FORMER Batman Christian Bale is to play a new self-devised superhero called Megabatman.
A GROUP of people kept in isolation for the last six months has guessed exactly why there are riots in the US town of Ferguson.
ANYTHING that makes you unhappy is a direct result of class war, it has been confirmed.
GRAND Designs host Kevin McCloud has launched a clinical, futuristic Christmas grotto for poncey families.
THE shattered glass walkway on Tower Bridge allows tourists to see London from the cracked perspective of a resident, it has been claimed.