The Mash guide to fracking

IT’S here and it's fine, except that it might render entire counties uninhabitable.

Southampton to play homeopathic football

SOUTHAMPTON are to bid for the Premier League using the concept of homeopathy.

Britons impressed by big percentages

STATISTICALLY illiterate Britons are being shocked and surprised by percentages that only relate to a tiny number of actual things.

Gerard Butler confirmed as Wonder Woman

THE screen role of Wonder Woman has gone to 300 star Gerard Butler.

Road worker sick of being the designated shoveller

HIGHWAYS operative Tom Logan is angry that he always has to use the shovel while his team stands around watching him.

Secret Cinema victims treated for lack of perspective

THOUSANDS of middle class people are receiving emergency lack of perspective treatment following the cancellation of Secret Cinema.

Fifty Shades of Grey film was on Channel 5 in the 90s

THE film version of Fifty Shades of Grey was shown by Channel 5 back in 1998, it has emerged.

Drogba returns to Chelsea to die

STRIKER Didier Drogba is dragging himself back to Stamford Bridge to end his days, the club has confirmed.

Desert Island Discs not hypothetical

GUESTS on Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs are actually abandoned on a remote Pacific atoll, the BBC has revealed.