Tories to build thousands of affordable second homes

THE government is to build 200,000 second houses to help homeowners onto the buy-to-let ladder.

Shit, he's onto me, says Obama

PRESIDENT Obama has apparently fled the White House after realising Rupert Murdoch has seen through his deception.

Privy Council relevant for first time since 1659

THE Privy Council has become a topic of conversation for the first time in almost 400 years.

Jury service to include being Sunderland manager for 10 days

THE job of managing Sunderland football club is to be given to someone randomly selected from the Electoral Roll.

Supermarket delivery man disgusted by your laziness

A SUPERMARKET delivery driver is wondering why you can’t get your fat arse to a shop.

Corporate bastard hiding behind fun desk ornaments

AN office worker’s collection of amusing desk ornaments hides his sly, toadying personality, it has emerged.

Young Conservatives to victimise other social outcasts

BULLIED young Conservatives have bonded over a shared desire to target their fellow Godforsaken wretches.

Ask Holly: I just want to play with my train set

I PREFER to extract myself from the twee middle-class world that CBeebies inhabits.

Liverpool fans demand to know why potential new manager hasn’t turned things around yet

LIVERPOOL fans are demanding the dismissal of the man who has yet to be confirmed as the club’s new manager.