The Mash guide to the Man United shortlist

DAVID Moyes has gone, but who will replace him in the toughest job in the world of the football?

Kate wins over Australia with anti-Kiwi racism

THE Duchess of Cambridge has been taken to Australian hearts after a series of increasingly racist comments about New Zealand.

Southern-style chicken, kebab, pizza and curry combo wins Masterchef

THIS year's Masterchef is the head cook at Tooting’s Southern-Style Chicken, Kebab, Pizza and Curry takeaway restaurant in south London.

England on fire as dragons take their revenge

TOWNS and villages across England are ablaze after giant dragons chose St George’s Day to avenge their murdered comrade.

Photoshop expert finds proof of ghosts

AN expert in Photoshop and other graphics software, has found conclusive proof that ghosts exist.

Man United sack Moyes back to the Stone Age

DAVID Moyes is being fired so hard he will have to take on two full-time jobs just to be unemployed.

Women now doing lots of pointless bloke crap

WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.

Blur-Oasis rivalry reignited over sheds

OASIS founder Noel Gallagher has launched a scathing attack on garden sheds belonging to Damon Albarn and other members of Blur.

Britain’s ‘values’ based on Star Wars, Breakfast Club and The Godfather

THE ‘moral values’ of most people in Britain are based on classic films from the 1970s and 80s, it has been confirmed.