SMALL MEN DEVASTATED

Image

MILLIONS of men just a shade under five foot nine were devastated last night as it emerged that not even the French presidency can help a short man hang on to Carla Bruni.

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WAGS BUG ENGLAND TEAM TALK TO DISCOVER WHERE THAT RASH CAME FROM

ImageThe secret recording of an England team talk was carried out by a group of WAGs desperate to discover why they are having to take antibiotics, it was claimed last night.

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INTELLIGENCE-BOOSTING DRUGS MAKE CHILDREN QUESTION POINT OF EXAMS

ImageSCHOOLCHILDREN on brain-boosting drugs are questioning the whole point of the education system, it has emerged.

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DID VORDERMAN ACTUALLY HAPPEN? QUESTION TIME VIEWERS KEEP ASKING THEMSELVES

ImageFIVE days after Carol Vorderman's apprearance on Question Time, millions of people across Britain were last night still trying to make sense of the experience.

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DRUNK WOMEN SUPERB, SAY EXPERTS

ImageWOMEN who get drunk on a regular basis are slim, happy and a bloody good night out, experts have claimed.

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GOVERNMENT BACKS CROCODILE INSURANCE

ImageEVERY crocodile owner in the UK will have to take out insurance under government plans to tackle 12 foot long killing machines with jaws of steel.

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THE NEWS IN PICTURES



Outed gay, right-wing
senator still anti-leather

 


Confused Fiennes pops to chemist
and ends up at North Pole

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Academy urged to admit it clearly just forgot about Farrah Fawcett
Oscars' spokesman asked if he seriously expects us to believe he has never seen The Cannonball Run.

Libraries insufficiently complicated, says government
Ministers unveil plan to turn traditional book-lending and newspaper-reading institutions into wildly confusing multimedia bullshit thing.

Your stars: virgo



Treat yourself to a plastic bottle
filled with £3.40 worth of poisonous
chemicals and advertised by a
witless Geordie with a conviction
for causing actual bodily harm.
Because you're worth it.

 
 
 

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