A WOODPECKER and a weasel have moved in together and are ‘excited about starting a family’.
A 31-YEAR-MAN has expressed deep frustration at his failure to make the cursor disappear while watching a film on his laptop.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage will vet every potential immigrant to Britain, including a full medical.
THE world’s richest man has admitted he would swap it all for 24 hours of coolness.
BRITAIN’S housing crisis will be solved by people living in forests like Ewoks, David Cameron has announced.
THE influx of hipsters to East London has resulted in a new hybrid species, scientists have announced.
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) I'm too good for the likes of you. Write your own horoscope, you bellend.
DOSTOYEVSKY'S Crime and Punishment cannot be Russian as the country does not seem interested in either, scholars have agreed.
TAROT readers are only doing it to make character judgments for which they would otherwise be punched, it has emerged.