Security unable to stop thousands breaking out of Wireless Festival

SECURITY staff at Wireless Festival were overwhelmed by crowds fleeing the likes of David Guetta and Nicki Minaj.

Sleaford Mods named as Princess Charlotte’s godparents

NOTTINGHAM post-punk duo Sleaford Mods have expressed surprise and joy at becoming godparents to Princess Charlotte.

Geniuses just pretending not to have common sense

ACADEMICALLY exceptional people are lying about their inability to do everyday domestic tasks, it has emerged.

Zeus not keen to confront Merkel

GREEK king of the gods Zeus has warned his mortal subjects that he is not up for any sort of confrontation with Angela Merkel.

Tizer granted UNESCO World Heritage status

TIZER has been named a fizzy drink of outstanding cultural importance by the UN.

BBC ordered to refer to Terminator as T-800

THE government has told the BBC not to prejudice the public by referring to the T-800 as the Terminator.

The Mash guide to barbecues

THE sun is shining, which means that you can only look in enviously at the comforts of your home while you chew meat in the garden.

Greece holds decisive referendum on Christ knows what

THE Greek people are ready to give their final yes or no vote on an unknown issue that will decide their entire future.

Next Labour PM celebrates 10th birthday

THE boy who will be Britain’s next Labour Prime Minister in 2056 turned 10 years old yesterday.