THE Labour party has pledged to renew its unbridled contempt for Scottish voters.
THE parents of 25-year-old Nathan Muir are celebrating their son’s decision to abandon his band for a job in a bank.
STEVEN Gerrard has told Liverpool FC he plans to leave the club and take its fanbase of 71 million with him.
A SUCCESSFUL City banker has asked everyone to stop suggesting he secretly has a heart of gold.
BURGER chain McDonald’s has a new slogan emphasising that at least its product is unpretentious.
THE next individual to describe themselves as ‘loving’ this or that can be punched squarely in the face, the government has confirmed.
43-YEAR-OLD Tom Booker’s cleaning regime is repeatedly applying to a TV series where strangers come and sort it out.
PLANS to make Arsene Wenger the voice of the London Underground have foundered after he failed to get a clear view of a single stop.
RURAL villages that mark Halloween with funny old-fashioned ceremonies always kill someone at the end, it has emerged.