European leaders not allowing Cameron to use toilet

NONE of the European leaders visited on David Cameron’s whistle-stop tour of Europe are letting him use the toilet.

Professional football sickened by FIFA’s culture of greed

THE world of professional football has expressed its outrage at the 'sickening' greed of FIFA officials.

New lifestyle magazine aimed at men who shun material possessions

NEW magazine Men’s Ascetic is focused on the niche market of men who reject worldly goods and pleasures for a more spiritual path.

Beach breaks ruined by refugees’ unbreakable human spirit

BRITISH tourists on the Greek island of Kos are having their holidays spoiled by refugees' stubborn desire to live.

New Bond novel just string of sexual harassment suits

NEW James Bond book Trigger Mortis sees the ageing spy in court for more than 22 cases of sexual harassment in the workplace.

Blatter unveils enormous gonads

SEPP Blatter has confirmed he has quite tremendously huge testicles.

Jail term for spinning really fast on office chair

PEOPLE who use a swivel chair to make themselves dizzy face up to three years in prison.

Labour hopefuls face sandwich-off

LABOUR'S leadership candidates will be tested on their ability to eat some chewy meat between two slices of bread.

Restaurant couple clearly on a voucher

A COMMON-LOOKING couple in a fancy restaurant were only there because of an internet voucher, according to fellow diners.