THE shady figure who sold Myleene Klass a Catford garage for £2 million is refusing to discuss the deal.
THE Rochester house covered in England flags is a Marxist commune, it has emerged.
JAMES Dyson has been told to shut up and invent a toaster that is not a useless bag of piss.
A MAN in his thirties has expressed dismay at having to pretend to like 90s shoegaze band Ride for the second time.
WIGAN Athletic owner Dave Whelan is to reach out to his many Jewish friends with a lavish pork banquet.
A GOOD-LOOKING woman from a nice family has inexplicably failed to produce a cookery book.
EXPERTS have dismissed recent sightings of the Loch Ness Monster as nothing more than floating wood wearing a tartan bonnet.
INJURY-HIT Arsenal and Manchester United have agreed to field only five players each for tomorrow’s game.
TACTICAL voters no longer have any idea who they are meant to be voting for or who they are trying to keep out, they have admitted.