Men seeking plausible beard exit strategies

MILLIONS of men are about to pretend a shaving accident caused them to remove their beard.

Children of hippy parents getting shit eggs again

HIPPY parents will be giving their children drab, joyless dairy-free Easter eggs again this year, it has been confirmed.

Hansen predicts Premier League victors will be a football team

MATCH of the Day pundit Alan Hansen has insisted that a team will win the Premier League.

Napoleon's GoPro blog

I STRUGGLED getting people to notice me until I became the owner of the GoPro GodHero VI camera system.

Yahoo News wins Pulitzer for cat lookalikes story

YAHOO News has won journalism’s most prestigious award for its coverage of cats that resemble celebrities.

Good-looking people come out of hibernation

SUNSHINE has brought Britain's attractive people out of the chrysalis-like pods where they spend most of the year.

Everyone either on holiday or pissed off

BRITONS are currently either away or brimming with resentment, it has emerged.

Mad Men to conclude with creation of Um Bongo ad

THE NEW series of Mad Men climaxes with the writing and recording of the Um Bongo advert.

Massive rats just want to get on your face at night

BRITAIN'S 2ft super-rats have said they only want to scrabble about on your sleeping body.