SPIDERS living rent-free in houses must provide evidence that they are actually killing flies.
A FORMER school classmate is behaving as if you had a much closer relationship than was actually the case.
FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.
I LOVE weddings because I get to look and feel truly gorgeous.
PRO-DEMOCRACY protesters in Hong Kong have been praised for having normal hair and not wearing stupid clown costumes.
DRINKERS who vowed not to touch alcohol for one month have decided to delay the pledge for thirty days or so.
THE Fall frontman Mark E Smith is close to recapturing an escaped bass guitarist who has been on the run for several days.
IAIN Duncan Smith is tipped to win a bet on who can come up with the most idiotic idea at the Tory conference.
BRITAIN will accept diminished civil rights if it means less Russell Brand on the television, it has emerged.