Friend of friend turns out to be massive arse

A FRIEND’S friend has revealed himself to be an unmitigated arsehole.

Businesswoman’s credibility undermined by partially faded nightclub stamp

A WOMAN’S otherwise convincing presentation has been undermined by the fading nightclub entry stamp on the back of her hand.

Memphis Ocelots win Superbowl by eight seconds

AMERICA celebrated last night as the Memphis Ocelots beat the Las Vegas Assholes in Superbowl 50.

Doctors evil, explains Hunt

DOCTORS only do it because they like cutting people up or making them take their clothes off, health secretary Jeremy Hunt has claimed.

Normal people to commandeer the nice bits of hipsters' lifestyles

NORMAL people will be able to commandeer the lifestyle of a local hipster, it has been confirmed.

Celebrities you like all dying because you’re getting old, say experts

THE recent spate of celebrity deaths is because you, and all the famous people you like, are getting really old, experts have confirmed.

Man is being arbitrarily detained at Argos, UN rules

A MAN who has been waiting for his Argos purchase for more than 15 minutes is being arbitrarily detained in violation of his human rights, the UN has ruled.

Look what came out of my fanny, says Facebook mum

MOTHERS on Facebook have been sharing pictures of the porky little things that came out of their fannies.

Woman to binge-read six pages of War & Peace

A WOMAN has set aside an entire day to binge-read a single chapter of Tolstoy’s War & Peace.