Corbyn thing actually happening

THIS whole Jeremy Corbyn thing is really happening, it has emerged.

Cat wins every fight by just getting in there instead of staring for ages

A CAT has realised that it can beat up any other cat by cutting out the preliminary staring.

Man visits place where all the news is from

A LINCOLN man has visited London to see the locations where all his favourite news bulletins are shot.

Woman marries Ant and Dec

A WOMAN unknowingly married Ant and Dec in a polygamous wedding ceremony in Newcastle.

Anything with a four-star review definitely shit, Edinburgh punters warned

EDINBURGH festival audiences have been warned to avoid anything that critics have tepidly praised with a four-star review.

Middle-aged man still dogged by school rumour about getting off with a rabbit

A 46-YEAR-OLD man is still plagued by a rumour from his school days that he French-kissed a rabbit.

Bake Off unveils sacrificial hipster

THE BBC has unveiled this year’s Bake Off hipster, who will meet with a terrible fate.

New laid-back automated checkout doesn’t give a shit what’s in the bagging area

TESCO’S new automated till has the character of a divorced middle-aged woman with a borderline drink problem.

Man hands teddy bear into lost property instead of putting it on social media

TWITTER and Facebook users are hunting for a man who failed to turn a lost toy into a viral internet phenomenon.