Old lady sent to care home after fall

MADONNA’S family has made the difficult decision to send her to Rydean Manor residential care home in Sussex.

'Jihadi John' hoping ISIS okay with people being unmasked

PSYCHOTIC terrorist ‘Jihadi John’ is hoping ISIS does not have strict rules about maintaining anonymity.

Ghosts unhappy with own logic

GHOSTS have complained that too many aspects of their existence do not make sense.

Unlikeability no barrier to success

MORE unlikeable people than ever before are gaining promotion at work, it has emerged.

Clampdown on nuisance calls from relatives

REGULATORS have announced a clampdown on unsolicited phone calls and texts from family members.

Employees to be booed at work

FOLLOWING Luis Suarez’s brace of goals against Manchester City, employers are to incentivise workers by arranging similar abuse.

Ask Holly: Should I give mental Mumsnet ladies a taste of The Balls?

YOU should certainly never be a teacher with a name like that.

The Mash guide to BDSM

IT'S the underground sex craze that's gone overground, with bondage on Country File and vicars theming their sermons around butt plugs.

Earth distances itself from Green Party

THE planet has confirmed that it does not support the Greens or want them to be encouraged.