Couple decide not to renovate kitchen

A COUPLE have decided to just leave their kitchen as it is.

Parents badgered into buying monkey that smokes fags

WORN-DOWN parents have purchased a cigarette-smoking monkey as their young son’s Christmas present.

Man best at punching

A 27-YEAR-OLD man has won the World Punching Competition.

Massive cat responds to shooing with icy glare

A HUGE cat has responded to attempts to evict it from a garden with cold indifference.

Tennis fans on Pimm’s rampage

BRITISH tennis fans have run amok after the Davis Cup, downing jugs of winter Pimms and demanding plate after plate of olives.

Millions pretend to have gone on climate march

RECORD numbers of Britons are passionately pretending to have marched against climate change.

Shapps forced to use own get-rich-quick schemes

FORMER minister Grant Shapps is being forced to earn a living with his own get-rich-quick schemes.

‘Saint Andrew’ just another name for Loch Ness monster

SCOTLAND is taking the day off to worship its water dinosaur, it has emerged.

Christmas booze already finished

ALL the alcohol that was being saved for Christmas has already been drunk.