Liverpool fans demand to know why potential new manager hasn’t turned things around yet

LIVERPOOL fans are demanding the dismissal of the man who has yet to be confirmed as the club’s new manager.

Hurry up and die, Britain tells Tesco

BRITAIN has asked Tesco if it could stop dragging it out and just die.

Couple has f**king website for wedding

A COUPLE'S forthcoming wedding has a whole f**king website devoted to it.

Fighting actually looks rubbish

ORDINARY people trying to fight each other don’t look cool like in films, it has been confirmed.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) This weekend, you recognise that your interest in music only extends as far as stealing it, not listening to it. 

Lightweight American politician didn’t even have sex with dead goat

BRITONS have expressed shock that a US politician killed a goat and drank its blood without also shagging it.

Truancy now a GCSE subject

THE problem of truancy has been solved by making it into a qualification.

BBC admits Bake Off is catastrophic social experiment

THE BBC has revealed The Great British Bake Off is an 'enormously dangerous', population-wide experiment.

Leftie caricature of 'evil Tories' broadly accurate, admits middle England

MIDDLE England has admitted the Tories are the baddies in a film, just like those lefties always claimed.