HOUSEGUESTS should be greeted with the wi-fi password at maximum volume, according to new etiquette guidelines.
ANYONE perpetrating April Fools' Day pranks can be legally murdered before midday, experts have confirmed.
DOGS have confirmed that they are immune to pet food scares.
BRITAIN’s cities are to be levelled and replaced with fancy flats for privileged idiots with rich parents.
MEN have confirmed plans to continue going to B&Q on Saturdays, even if it is just to claw at the locked gates.
HARRY Kane's England career is over after he burnt out just 80 seconds into last night's match.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) If life has taught you one thing, might I suggest you start paying a bit more attention?
SCIENTISTS have been unable to identify a single worthwhile reason for dropping litter.
DAVID Cameron has urged Britain to get into the spirit of the general election instead of accusing him of lying.