No Garys left in Britain by 2050

GARYS could be wiped out within a generation after it emerged there have been no children named Gary since 1992.

‘World Book Day’ sees every child dressed as film character

EVERY child who dressed up for ‘World Book Day’ was just a character from a popular film.

One in four newborns is a 29-year-old Polish bathroom fitter

THE UK's population boom is caused by British mothers giving birth to fully-grown Eastern European tradespeople, research has shown.

Sporting heroes inspiring children to avoid tax

FIVE-year-olds are playing 'Dodge the Taxman' in the playground in a bid to emulate their sporting role models.

Free parking had better be just the f**king start, say voters

VOTERS have advised the Conservatives that they will need more than ten minutes of free parking to win the election.

Celebrities now landing planes wherever they feel like

CELEBRITIES are so detached from everyday life they are landing their planes wherever they want, experts have claimed.

Crowd not bothered about second encore

FANS attending a Wombats gig have half-heartedly requested the band return a second time while checking their phones.

Homeless fairies getting into smack

FAIRIES evicted from a wood in Somerset have turned to drugs and crime, it has emerged.

Israel declares US has declared war on Iran

ISRAELI prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that the United States is at war with Iran.