Westminster vows never to allow vote on anything that matters ever again

MPs have pledged that voters will never again be given the power to actually change anything.

Scotland allowed to run the UK every other year

DAVID Cameron has agreed to let Edinburgh and London take turns running the country.

UK spared idiotic flag with a dragon on it

THE UK has been spared the prospect of a flag that looks like a tattoo on a cretin.

Salmond votes ‘No’

ALEX Salmond has voted 'No' to Scottish independence.

Royal and Ancient Golf Club lifts 260 year ban on Yardies

GOLF’S governing body has voted to open its doors to heavily armed Jamaican gangsters.

Office joker spends three hours a night running material

OFFICE joker Stephen Malley has admitted his seemingly spontaneous workplace quips are rigorously workshopped.

Brigadoon vanishes for another 100 years

THE magical land of Brigadoon has melted into the Highland mist.

Premier League managers call for autumn break

MANAGERS have demanded a six-week break for exhausted players who have been at it since as far back as August.

Internet argument won by making things up

INTERNET debates can be won by simply inventing evidence, it has been confirmed.