McDonald’s unveils ‘at least it’s not a f*cking gourmet burger’ slogan

BURGER chain McDonald’s has a new slogan emphasising that at least its product is unpretentious.

Single man’s housework routine is applying to Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners

43-YEAR-OLD Tom Booker’s cleaning regime is repeatedly applying to a TV series where strangers come and sort it out.

Next person who says they are ‘loving’ something to get punched in the face

THE next individual to describe themselves as ‘loving’ this or that can be punched squarely in the face, the government has confirmed.

Wenger 'did not see station'

PLANS to make Arsene Wenger the voice of the London Underground have foundered after he failed to get a clear view of a single stop.

Villages’ quirky Halloween celebrations also involve human sacrifice

RURAL villages that mark Halloween with funny old-fashioned ceremonies always kill someone at the end, it has emerged.

Middle class people wishing they could spend holidays in a hotel

BRITAIN’S middle class people are sick of having to stay in cold, draughty old cottages whenever they go on holiday.

Immigration poll reveals Daily Mail working like a charm

THE Daily Mail has welcomed a poll which shows just how incredibly wrong British people are about levels of immigration.

I’m making it up as I go along, says Pope

POPE Francis has admitted he is improvising, all the time.

NASA tells astronauts to just go ahead and eat each other

THE crew of the International Space Station has been told it will have to resort to cannibalism after a supply rocket blew up.