IT is quite simple, there is a list of gits and you vote for one.
ONLY animals go to Heaven, it has emerged.
MANCHESTER City captain Vincent Kompany has admitted his side was distracted against CSKA Moscow by the lack of abusive chanting.
BRITAIN'S national character now includes the belief that everything is an evil conspiracy.
A COMMUNITY choir that welcomes all singing abilities would quite like it if the tuneless ones stopped turning up, it has emerged.
A TIME capsule containing the Ebola virus, a bent iPhone 6 and a UKIP manifesto has been buried as a warning to future humans.
MIKE Read has been denounced by UKIP supporters old enough to remember Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
SWEDEN has dropped depth charges in three squares of the Baltic in an attempt to hit a Russian submarine.
A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.