ENGLISH voters have demanded the right to sort out the French once and for all.
INCONTINENCE specialist Tena has been vote the UK’s coolest brand.
WALES has voted overwhelmingly to carry on being rude to visitors.
LOUIS van Gaal has claimed that football must be freed from the shackles of maths.
SINGLETON Tom Booker has filled in his online dating profile with information about his professional skills and employment history.
PLANET Earth has confirmed that it really does not like Sting.
AMERICA'S new series of space missions will be manned by silverback gorillas.
MPs have pledged that voters will never again be given the power to actually change anything.
ALEX Salmond has voted 'No' to Scottish independence.