Free parking had better be just the f**king start, say voters

VOTERS have advised the Conservatives that they will need more than ten minutes of free parking to win the election.

‘World Book Day’ sees every child dressed as film character

EVERY child who dressed up for ‘World Book Day’ was just a character from a popular film.

Homeless fairies getting into smack

FAIRIES evicted from a wood in Somerset have turned to drugs and crime, it has emerged.

Israel declares US has declared war on Iran

ISRAELI prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that the United States is at war with Iran.

England door still open for WG Grace

ENGLAND cricket management have hinted that WG Grace could be recalled to the international scene.

TV debate must include at least two mental ones, says Cameron

THE prime minister has said he will only participate in a TV debate if there are at least two mental participants to make him look good.

Venues must set tickets aside for weird people

NIGHTCLUBS must now reserve five per cent of their tickets for strange social misfits.

Suburban rats are loathsome social climbers

SO-CALLED ‘suburban’ rats are appalling bourgeois snobs, it has been claimed.

Ask Holly: I'm worried about flirty emails to David Miliband

IT'S hard to believe that people were ever able to function without emojis.