EU threatens to send expatriate grandparents home

THE EU has threatened to send your elderly expat relatives home to live with you.

Bus driver only discriminates against people who do not have the exact fare

A BUS driver has confirmed that he welcomes passengers of all races, creeds and sexual orientations provided they do not try to pay with a note.

Violent winds prompt everyone on flight to stare intently at the magazine

PASSENGERS on turbulent flights are pretending to read the in-flight magazine while inwardly shitting themselves.

Reasons why people get depressed in winter fairly obvious

RESEARCHERS into seasonal affective disorder believe it may be caused by everything being dark, cold and awful for months on end.

Someone always has to be difficult, confirm scientists

NEW research has found that in any situation involving multiple humans one of them will be deliberately uncooperative.

Scotland unveils 'Birthplace of F*cking' slogan

SCOTLAND is capitalising on being the site of the first act of copulation with a new slogan and flag.

Waitrose shopping contained intimidatingly working class spider

A FAMILY’S Waitrose food delivery contained a massive loudmouthed spider with old-fashioned sexist views.

Obvious drug users ‘just out for a walk’ in field known for magic mushrooms

A GROUP of caners spotted in a Welsh valley noted for psilocybin mushrooms have claimed they were just getting some fresh air.

Ed Miliband is unpaid intern

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is still technically on work experience and has yet to receive a wage.