England fans to support Australia for rest of World Cup

ENGLAND rugby fans have vowed to cheer Australia all the way to the World Cup final.

Roomba unveils 'Roomba for Shaving'

ROBOT vacuum cleaner company Roomba has unveiled a robot which shaves you while you sleep.

Northerner terrorised London by saying hello

A NORTHERN man has left a trail of terror across London by attempting to interact socially with everyone he meets.

Leader of UK ‘must be prepared to kill everyone’

ANY future prime minister must be willing to guarantee the total destruction of the UK in a nuclear war.

Couple exploring exotic new way to get shitfaced

A COUPLE have decided to add some variety to their relationship by getting drunk in front of the television on cocktails.

Daddy long legs in bath ‘just as uncomfortable as you are’

A DADDY long legs trapped in a bath has admitted the situation is far from ideal.

Beastie Boys apologise for Rage Against the Machine

BEASTIE Boys co-founder Adam Horovitz has apologised for inspiring bombastic dirge-metallers Rage Against the Machine.

Tests on Audi cars find they contain tossers

MOST Audi cars have a knobhead fitted in the driver’s seat, it has emerged.

Anti-insanity vaccinations easiest way to stop mass shootings, claims gun lobby

VACCINATING everyone against mental illness is the easiest and most practical way to prevent mass shootings, according to America’s gun lobby.