First female bishop appointed just 45 years after humans landed on moon

THE Church of England has managed to appoint a female bishop within half a century of humans setting foot on another world.

Ruined ski holidays put smile on everyone else's faces

A SHORTAGE of snow in the Alps has cheered up thousands who love to see the middle classes spend money on going to see some rocks.

Drinking during day temporarily not shameful

THE social stigma attached to daytime drinking sessions has been lifted for the festive season.

Domestic drones obviously insane

PRIVATELY operated drones are a sign that society has lost its mind, experts have confirmed.

The Missing finale reveals kid was in Narnia

CHILD abduction drama The Missing is a prequel to the next Narnia series, it has emerged.

Football reporting to be limited to upsets

THE media is to cease reporting football results that, like Chelsea beating Hull, are entirely expected by everyone.

Things men want for Christmas have no physical form

THE most popular men’s Christmas presents, including books, music and computer games, no longer exist as physical things.

Totally unreasonable bastards expecting man to do his job

A MAN is being unfairly expected to do the job he is paid to do, it has emerged.

Fogles and Middletons locked in murderous blood feud

DOZENS have been killed since the outbreak of a vicious battle between Britain’s leading quite posh crime families.