I just want you to be happy, Sturgeon tells Miliband

ED Miliband and Nicola Sturgeon have once again failed to fully explore their emotional wants and needs.

Old white men to be able to do whatever they like

OLD white men are to behave as they please unless it affects other old white men.

Machine getting sick of carrying Florence

THE machine from Florence + the Machine is getting tired of doing all the work, it has revealed.

UKIP funded by massive tits

RICHARD Desmond has boosted UKIP's election campaign with a £1m donation generated by breasts.

Welsh tourist board clearly using pictures of other places

THE Welsh tourist agency has been promoting the country with images of tropical beaches and the Taj Mahal.

Champions League ruined by tactics and skill

THE absence of English sides from the Champions League quarter-finals has seen a disturbing increase in tactics and short passing.

Tossers ‘curating’ everything

AN arts twat claims to have curated a cup of tea by adding milk and sugar.

United Arab Emirates 'may not have enough oil to revive Man City'

THE funds required to rebuild Manchester City could leave the once oil-rich United Arab Emirates facing ruin.

Annoying women claim to look alike

TWO close female friends claim to look almost identical despite this obviously not being the case.