THE Duchess of Cambridge is planning a daring escape from the Royal Family involving a faked shark attack and a mini submarine.
TESCO’S new automated till has the character of a divorced middle-aged woman with a borderline drink problem.
TWITTER and Facebook users are hunting for a man who failed to turn a lost toy into a viral internet phenomenon.
BRITONS have lethargically picked the Fantasy Football team that will keep them entertained for a fortnight before being forgotten about.
SPORT is an entirely negative influence on humanity, it has been confirmed.
A TIME traveller from 1964 has expressed his shock and disgust that men are still urinating into a trough.
STRANDED lorry drivers in Kent have broken records for the level of violent racism in their conversations.
JEREMY Clarkson’s new Amazon contract includes an obligation to deliver 300 parcels a month.
COMMUTING from the Sea of Tranquility is now cheaper than renting a studio flat in Camden.