BBC admits Bake Off is catastrophic social experiment

THE BBC has revealed The Great British Bake Off is an 'enormously dangerous', population-wide experiment.

Leftie caricature of 'evil Tories' broadly accurate, admits middle England

MIDDLE England has admitted the Tories are the baddies in a film, just like those lefties always claimed.

Guardian article comparing Syria crisis to leaving London ‘in the works’

SOMEONE is writing a Guardian article about how leaving London to live in Bristol is like fleeing Syria, it has been confirmed.

Man staying late in office to imagine having affair

A MARKETING manager is staying in the office until 7pm every night to imagine the illicit thrill of having an affair. 

Tragic iPhone 6S has big emotional battery death

AN IPHONE 6S has told its owner to be strong and carry on after its shitty battery gave out.

Rooney inspiring kids to guzzle Yum Yums and burn out at 29

WAYNE Rooney has inspired millions of young Britons to phone it in while gorging on sticky buns.

Public to buy Lloyds and destroy it

ORDINARY Britons are to buy Lloyds bank so that they can send it back to the hell from which it came.

Pathetic little twat can’t wait to argue over 5p bag charge

AN appalling man is gearing himself up for an argument over having to pay five pence for a plastic bag.

Rodgers sacking 'all part of his masterplan'

BRENDAN Rodgers has confirmed that being fired was something he had planned all along.