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Man back from holiday furious at his lazy past self

A MAN has returned to the office furious at how much work was left undone by his lazy bastard self from a fortnight ago.

Mothers don’t need money because they have the joy of children

MOTHERS do not mind earning a third less because having children is so wonderful, a report has found.

Girlfriends confirm nothing is wrong although their manner suggests otherwise

BRITAIN’S girlfriends have confirmed that nothing is wrong, but in a slightly offhand way which suggests that this may not be the case.

Man weirdly aggressive about being a dad

A MAN keeps mentioning his children in a way that is clearly meant to make people respect him, it has emerged.

Being proved right about Brexit more important than future of UK

BRITONS are hoping the UK will suffer social and economic chaos if it supports their views on Brexit, they have revealed.

Women strongly opposed to Nicole Scherzinger

WOMEN are opposed to Nicole Scherzinger, it has been confirmed.

Bake Off to make all horrible things go away

THE delightful new series of The Great British Bake Off will make the rest of 2016 seem like a scary, nasty dream, the BBC has confirmed.

Middle-class couple traumatised by V Festival

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple who went to V Festival have been left shocked and horrified.