GEESE are inexplicably convinced that they are hard as nails, it has emerged.
MEN have convinced themselves that looking at naked celebrity pictures is a legitimate part of keeping up with current affairs.
HUGE baby buggies, heavier people and kids on scooters threaten the UK with pedestrian gridlock by 2015.
UNIVERSITY graduates trapped in low-paid jobs have resolved to do them in a grudging, sour-faced manner.
FOLLOWING the summer hit Rude by MAGIC!, music listeners have confirmed they are good for pop-reggae songs until the year 2034.
THE closing of the football transfer window has been made a public holiday, because no work gets done that day anyway.
BRITAIN cheered last night as Mary Berry told a hipster to get the hell off her television programme.
ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt have confirmed that their sex life is over and done by announcing their marriage.
THE prime minister has complained that Cornish surfing is dominated by a clique of wealthy public schoolboys.