As a 'flexitarian' I can enjoy the smugness of vegetarianism while still eating meat

MY NAME’S Nikki and I’m a flexitarian. ‘What’s that?’ I hear you cry, already overwhelmed by how fascinating I am.

Hipster seems to have confused Mugabe with Mandela

A HIPSTER is sad about the resignation of Robert Mugabe, who he thinks is Nelson Mandela.

Budget just a picture of a skull and crossbones

PHILIP Hammond has revealed that his Budget is just a picture of a skull and crossbones.

Steampunk baffled by friends' waning enthusiasm for dressing like that

A 45-YEAR-OLD 'steampunk' cannot understand why his friends no longer seem as committed to Victorian-themed sci-fi roleplay.

Budget to tackle vital issue of slightly cheaper rail travel for 25-to-30-year-olds

THE Conservatives have jumped eight points in the polls after tackling the crucial issue of 25-to-30-year-olds’ daytime train fares.

Cat and dog find common enemy in Hoover

A CAT and a dog have been united by their shared hatred of the Hoover.

Seriously though, Northern Ireland, says EU

THE EU has responded to Britain’s increased exit payment offer by asking for the 132nd time what exactly is the deal with Northern Ireland. 

Morrissey to donate all proceeds from new single to bastards

FORMER Smiths frontman Morrissey has released a charity single raising funds for utter bastards.

I treat male and female employees exactly the same, boss tells worker's breasts

A BOSS has explained his non-sexist approach to a female worker while staring directly at her chest.