Homeless fairies getting into smack

FAIRIES evicted from a wood in Somerset have turned to drugs and crime, it has emerged.

Venues must set tickets aside for weird people

NIGHTCLUBS must now reserve five per cent of their tickets for strange social misfits.

TV debate must include at least two mental ones, says Cameron

THE prime minister has said he will only participate in a TV debate if there are at least two mental participants to make him look good.

Israel declares US has declared war on Iran

ISRAELI prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that the United States is at war with Iran.

England door still open for WG Grace

ENGLAND cricket management have hinted that WG Grace could be recalled to the international scene.

Ask Holly: I'm worried about flirty emails to David Miliband

IT'S hard to believe that people were ever able to function without emojis.

Suburban rats are loathsome social climbers

SO-CALLED ‘suburban’ rats are appalling bourgeois snobs, it has been claimed.

Woodpecker and weasel already talking about having kids

A WOODPECKER and a weasel have moved in together and are ‘excited about starting a family’.

Enjoyment of film ruined by lurking cursor

A 31-YEAR-MAN has expressed deep frustration at his failure to make the cursor disappear while watching a film on his laptop.