GCSE students 'rewarded' with tragic mum and dad meal

THOUSANDS of uncool GCSE students will be forced to endure an embarrassing meal with their parents, it has emerged.

Home Office accidentally deports all Brexiters

AN administrative error means everyone who voted to leave the EU will be deported in a matter of weeks, it has emerged.

Rooney ends disappointing 119 cap, 53 goal England career

WAYNE Rooney's record-breaking international career was actually pretty shit when it comes down to it, football experts have concluded.

Man coincidentally befriends most attractive woman in office

A MAN has become good friends with a female colleague who also happens to be very attractive.

Cats demand more corners and edges to rub their hairy faces on

BRITAIN'S cats have demanded more corners and edges for them to rub their hairy little cat faces against.

Ask Holly: Noel Edmonds told me I could be young forever

NOEL Edmonds came to see me backstage after an S-Club gig and told me I could be young forever.

Boring couple constantly buggering about with house

A BORING couple are constantly buggering about making pointless alterations to their house.

Stella-guzzling arsehole has strong moral stance against drugs

A MAN who regularly gets into fights while drunk would never get involved with dangerous drugs like cannabis, he has announced.

Doctor Who fans furious to discover it is load of bollocks

ANGRY Doctor Who fans have condemned the programme after realising it is total bollocks.