ENGLAND'S World Cup hopes were back on track last night after Tom Cruise said he could heal his friend David Beckham using nothing more than a simple Dianetic mind poultice.
Drink drive limit to be cut from probably about two pints New limit will be the equivalent of more or less a pint, depending on whether or not you've eaten a lot of bread.
Drivers urged to kill each other CBI says Britain's roads will be a lot quieter after blood-soaked free-for-all where the rules are there are no rules.
Your stars: libra
Your neighbour comes home from work this week to find that passive- aggressive little note he taped to your car has been reproduced on the side of an 18-wheel lorry and driven through his front window.
TEENAGE boys are to be given lessons in how to release the vice-like grip on their penises for five minutes and get some sleep.
BRITAIN'S biggest trade union today ordered Gordon Brown to describe it as 'deplorable'.
LIVERPOOL are in talks with a private equity firm over a multimillion bid for the contents of Rafael Benitez's imagination.
TEDIOUS prog rockers Pink Floyd have won their legal bid to make you listen to every last bit of their ghastly albums.
A THEME park inspired by the graphic cruelty of 'torture porn' horror films is too mild for most British children, it was claimed yesterday.
