Brexit brainstorm comes up with idea of staying in Europe

A BREXIT brainstorming session has come up with the idea of boosting the UK’s economy by remaining in the EU.

You can f**k off if you think you’re getting a new iPhone now, says Apple

APPLE CEO Tim Cook has announced that next week’s iPhone 7 launch will not take place because the world does not deserve it.

Holiday in UK leaves family with treasured memories of arcade

A FAMILY that went on holiday in Britain spent the whole time in an arcade, they have confirmed.

Concern grows for man seen buying incense sticks

A MAN has bought some sandalwood-scented joss sticks, according to concerned onlookers.

People whose names begin with 'A' get pocket-called fifty times per day

PEOPLE whose names begin with an A get pocket-called upwards of fifty times a day, it has emerged.

Man trying to sound unimpressed as female friend lists husband’s affairs

A MAN has struggled to keep admiration out of his voice after a friend shared details of her partner’s serial adultery.

Apple not toothless crofter living alone in peat-burning cottage, EU rules

THE EU has ruled that Apple is not a kindly old crofter living in an isolated cottage in County Mayo, as it had claimed for tax purposes. 

Elderly man and middle-aged son park in parent and child space

A 75-YEAR-OLD father and his middle-aged son took one of the parent and child spaces in a Tesco car park, it has emerged.

Common people doing nasty horrid things in Magaluf

BEASTLY common people in Magaluf are simply horrid, it has been claimed.