DJ names not stupid enough

THE lack of absurd DJ names has been linked to a decline in the quality of dance music.

Brian Sewell's transfer window round-up

NOTHING would have induced me to flee to Manchester, not even £16m.

New app gets you back together with your ex

A NEW phone app restores failed relationships, its makers have claimed.

Britons demand hangover consistency

DRINKERS are furious about being unable to predict the severity of their hangovers.

Water voles propose new food chain

ENDANGERED water voles have designed a revised food chain where nothing eats them.

Russia lines up more non-cute animals to die in space

FOLLOWING the deaths of the geckos on its satellite, Russia is to send more unappealing species on one-way space journeys.

Viewing naked celebrity pictures ‘same as watching the news’

MEN have convinced themselves that looking at naked celebrity pictures is a legitimate part of keeping up with current affairs.

Geese think they are hard

GEESE are inexplicably convinced that they are hard as nails, it has emerged.

Pavements face gridlock

HUGE baby buggies, heavier people and kids on scooters threaten the UK with pedestrian gridlock by 2015.