Man admits Pot Noodle is just awful but refuses to stop

A MAN has confirmed that Pot Noodles are manky and he will not stop eating them.

Scientists discover couple caught in endless ‘I don’t mind, you decide’ loop

A COUPLE are at risk of starving to death after becoming tangled in an 'infinite non-decision loop' over what to have for dinner.

Train passengers vow revenge on woman who asked them to move up a bit

A WOMAN who asked fellow train passengers to 'move up a bit' has become the subject of intense, lifelong hatred by several complete strangers.

Idiot really chuffed with his sunburn

AN idiot has proclaimed his sunburn to be some sort of achievement.

Couple holding hands in the street really pissing everyone off

A COUPLE enjoying a romantic stroll around the shops are taking up the entire fucking pavement, other pedestrians have confirmed.

Men get their horrible legs out

MEN have decided that today is nice enough to be ruined by them exposing their horrible, gnarled, white legs to the world. 

Trump understanding as much of G7 summit as a dog would

DONALD Trump is sitting uncomprehending through the G7 summit looking up eagerly whenever he hears his own name, aides have confirmed.

It was an actual snake, reveals LBC

RADIO station LBC has apologised for employing an actual snake which had disguised itself as a woman.

May orders Britain to vote exactly as it would have on day she called election

THERESA May has ordered the UK electorate to vote in exact accordance with polling numbers on 18th April, the day the election was called.