AN UNDERAGE boy has been served a pint of beer by his local pub after age recognition software confirmed that he was 44 years old.
THE prime minister has lost British sovereignty to Germany in a game of poker at the European summit in Brussels.
SHOTS do not count as a round of drinks, expert drinkers have agreed.
A VEGETARIAN has rejoiced at the one suitable meal offered on a restaurant menu.
A SEAGULL has landed at the summit of a litter bin and proclaimed himself the ruler of all he surveys.
THE SUN has confirmed that if the Queen dares breathe one compassionate word about immigrants she is fucking gone.
THE Liberal Democrats’ second place in the Witney by-election confirmed them as the party Britain turns to when all hope is lost.
A LONELY man believes he has picked up subtle sexual signals from a female colleague’s behaviour.
TWO-THIRDS of all immigrants were imprisoned on their home planet Krypton before escaping and heading to Britain, the Daily Mail has revealed.