Men get their horrible legs out

MEN have decided that today is nice enough to be ruined by them exposing their horrible, gnarled, white legs to the world. 

Trump understanding as much of G7 summit as a dog would

DONALD Trump is sitting uncomprehending through the G7 summit looking up eagerly whenever he hears his own name, aides have confirmed.

It was an actual snake, reveals LBC

RADIO station LBC has apologised for employing an actual snake which had disguised itself as a woman.

May orders Britain to vote exactly as it would have on day she called election

THERESA May has ordered the UK electorate to vote in exact accordance with polling numbers on 18th April, the day the election was called.

Plan to confiscate gran's house and steal your inheritance strangely unpopular

A SCHEME to force the elderly to sell their homes and take away people's inheritances is oddly unpopular with voters, Tory strategists have noticed.

Reading and Leeds line-up identical to Dad’s Driving Playlist line-up

THE acts performing at this year’s Reading Festival are the same acts in the same order that appear on Dad’s Driving Playlist, he has confirmed.

Temperature perfect for one minute at 9.19am

BRITAIN enjoyed a full minute of optimum sunshine this morning before everyone started moaning about the heat.

People who pretended to like Twin Peaks first time around facing very difficult summer

THE return of Twin Peaks means a challenging summer for those who faked enjoying it first time around.

Woman realises she's slept with at least four Tories

A WOMAN has been horrified to realise that she has had sex with at least four Conservative voters.