‘Saint Andrew’ just another name for Loch Ness monster

SCOTLAND is taking the day off to worship its water dinosaur, it has emerged.

Shapps forced to use own get-rich-quick schemes

FORMER minister Grant Shapps is being forced to earn a living with his own get-rich-quick schemes.

Man best at punching

A 27-YEAR-OLD man has won the World Punching Competition.

Christmas booze already finished

ALL the alcohol that was being saved for Christmas has already been drunk.

Atheist child being read Bible as fairy tale

A SIX-YEAR-OLD is being read the Old Testament as a fairy story by her proudly atheist father.

Office git wearing scarf at desk

AN office poser has taken to wearing a scarf throughout the working day, not just when outside.

RAF to look for any unbombed bits of Syria

DAVID Cameron has called on Britain to flatten the last remaining bumpy bits of Syria.

Smug twats planning to give art stuff to other people's children

A PAIR of childless, self-satisfied twats are buying their nieces and nephews some art equipment for Christmas.

Everything on Black Friday costs your soul

THE price of any item reduced on Black Friday is whatever it says on the label plus your very soul, retailers have agreed.