Children’s books designed to make adults sound like dicks

CHILDREN’S books are written specifically to make the adults reading them aloud sound like idiots, it has emerged.

Matt Le Blanc to begin sexual relationship with The Stig

NEW Top Gear host Matt Le Blanc is to begin secretly dating The Stig behind Chris Evans's back, insiders have revealed. 

Psychics still a thing

PSYCHICS are still in existence despite the fact it is 2016.

Greece split over future of Kraken

GREECE’S left-wing leader has said he would never unleash the Kraken and called for the monster to be phased out.

Starfish washes up on beach and gets carried around in dog’s mouth

A DEAD starfish has washed up on a Norfolk beach, where it is being carried around by a dog.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) You had a great Fat Tuesday yesterday. Or as you call it, Tuesday.

Men spend most of lives imagining they are manager of favourite football team with an unlimited budget

MEN spend around 60 per cent of their lives daydreaming about managing their favourite football team with unlimited money to spend on players, it has emerged.

Savoury pancakes are bullshit, says Pope

THE Pope has officially proclaimed that God did not intend anyone to eat savoury pancakes.

Mum asking questions on Facebook like she's never heard of Google

A MUM is using Facebook to ask questions that would be easily answered with an internet search.