Corbyn incompetence just to wind up Owen Smith

WITH his re-election as Labour leader a certainty, Jeremy Corbyn has admitted he is only performing hopelessly to annoy rival Owen Smith.

Motorists form orderly queues within marked lanes in bank holiday traffic chaos

BANK holiday traffic chaos has hit the UK, with tens of thousands of motorists following each other in neat lines at low speed while obeying all laws of the road.

Closest Earth-like planet best hope of getting on property ladder

FIRST-TIME buyers have been urged to start looking at buying property on Proxima B.

Audience at darts tournament have no idea there's a darts tournament going on

THE MAJORITY of the crowd at the Perth Masters darts tournament have no idea that there is a darts tournament being played, they have confirmed.

NHS to go underground by 2020

THE NHS will be an illegal underground network of flooded black-market hospitals manned by sinister masked surgeons by 2020, it has emerged.

Parents of GCSE failure delighted at reward savings

THE parents of a 16-year-old who failed his GCSEs are overjoyed with the reward money they have saved.

‘You, too, can destroy your own country,’ Farage tells US

NIGEL Farage has told an audience of Trump supporters that the power to completely devastate the nation they live in is in their hands.

Disappointed racist can’t get anyone kicked off flight

A DISAPPOINTED British racist cannot find anyone bearded enough to get them thrown off his flight to Majorca.

So I guess we’re staying out now, says third pint

A MAN’S third pint explained in a friendly but firm voice that he would be staying out for the rest of the evening, it has emerged.