A BLACK Friday shopper has stopped hitting a pensioner in the face so she can take in the atmosphere.
MEN who love vinyl records have been told to just f**king marry them and live happily ever after.
A MARRIED couple who have not spoken since 1994 have no idea what they are called, their children confirmed.
THE prime minister has promised he has ruled nothing out in negotiations with the EU, including a decade-long transcontinental war.
THE ‘fog’ currently enveloping Bristol has a strong aroma of cannabis, it has been claimed.
CATHEDRAL architects must be vetted so they do not design buildings that look Turkish, UKIP has demanded.
AN unemployed, single and homeless man is racing against time to sort his life out before seeing his relatives for Christmas.
ALL remaining public assets are to be transferred to Richard Branson to see what he does with them.
POLICEMEN have admitted they enjoy Typhoo tea, the comedian Jethro and Sweet & Spicy Pot Noodles.