Conspiracy theorists finally convinced no secret society could possibly be running this mess

CONSPIRACY theorists have finally been convinced there is no secret society running the country because no-one could possibly believe any of this was orchestrated.

Young offenders sentenced to two weeks at service station on the M6

TWO youths convicted of selling cannabis in Wolverhampton have been sentenced to a fortnight at Hilton Park services on the M6.

Company almost forgets to cover product with incredibly hard to remove stickers

A COMPANY’S production line was halted yesterday after one of its products almost failed to be covered in pointless, annoying stickers.

Genuinely unexpected item found in bagging area

A SOLID gold South American idol, lost for 1,600 years, has been found unexpectedly in the self-service bagging area of a Swindon Tesco.

Dress-down Friday a total shitshow

THE hot weather has turned casual Friday in offices around the UK into a riot of inappropriate clothing, workers have confirmed.

Mike Ashley ‘just a huge Dickens fan’

SPORTS Direct boss Mike Ashley runs his business like a Victorian workhouse as a homage to his favourite writer Charles Dickens.

British expats fully integrated into Spanish culture

BRITISH citizens living on the Costa del Sol are now more Spanish than the Spaniards themselves, they have confirmed.

NHS to recruit debutante heiress nurses

STUDENT nurses are to be recruited from the society pages of Tatler after the withdrawal of bursaries.

FA says, ‘f**k it, what does it matter?’

THE Football Association has finally given up and appointed Sam Allardyce as England manager.