Hipster trying to start conversation about Africa Cup of Nations

SELF-STYLED African football fan Tom Logan has annoyed work colleagues by repeatedly making references to Equatorial Guinea.

Cumberbatch to play Alan Hansen

BENEDICT Cumberbatch has been confirmed to play football pundit Alan Hansen in a forthcoming biopic.

Eastenders to become first horror soap

THE new horror-themed trailer for EastEnders marks a permanent change of direction for the show, the BBC has announced.

Hawks ‘worst pet craze ever’

THOUSANDS of Britons have been maimed after buying hawks on a whim, it has emerged.

Miliband undergoing massive operation to prove love for NHS

ED Miliband is to have his lungs removed, put in an ape and then returned to him to show how keen on the NHS he is.

Stranger gave mum £10 to piss off

MOTHER of three Nikki Hollis was given £10 by a stranger to leave her local pub and take her kids with her.

Trains set free to roam as they please

RAIL bosses have given up trying to control their trains and have set them free to roam wild.

Middle class socialists concerned about Tsipras’s modest lifestyle

COMFORTABLY-OFF socialists in the UK have expressed concern that Alexis Tsipras appears to live without lots of nice things.

Achievements to be restricted to over 30s

PEOPLE under 30 are to be banned from achieving any kind of success.