Bristol fog smells suspiciously of skunk

THE ‘fog’ currently enveloping Bristol has a strong aroma of cannabis, it has been claimed.

Jurassic World tells story of enjoyable day out at safety-conscious dinosaur park

THE new Jurassic Park sequel features no peril because of improved health and safety at the dinosaur park.

Miliband reveals packed gaffe schedule

ED Miliband has revealed that he is struggling to keep up with his packed diary of PR blunders.

'Perfectionism' an excuse to have massive tantrums

PEOPLE who claim to be perfectionists are just moody bastards, it has emerged.

Everyone in crisis except Chelsea

CHELSEA is the one football club in Europe not presently descending into chaos, it has been confirmed.

Killer seals playing pretentious mind games with police

KILLER seals are attempting to engage police in pseudo-intellectual cat-and-mouse games.

Men demand Tesco remove ‘gifts for children’ sign

ANGRY men have told Tesco to remove signs implying toys are for children.

Scotland too much of a paradise to ever leave, confirm millionaires

SCOTLAND to tax its millionaires because they could never find anywhere nicer to live.

Workers successfully bought off with Christmas meal

A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.