The Mash 'Who to Vote For' Test

THE election is coming, you haven't been listening and are deeply confused about what to do.

Marathon runners unable to distinguish between real and metaphorical walls

LONDON Marathon participants have been warned that the wall they went through was just a figure of speech.

Guardian backs campaign to reclaim Brixton from Guardian readers

THE Guardian has condemned the middle-class gentrification of Brixton by its own readers.

Masochistic Watford fans eagerly anticipate season of intense thrashings

WATFORD supporters cannot wait to be treated like dirt by the giants of the Premier League.

Bombing Libya then f**king off was the responsible thing to do, says Cameron

DAVID Cameron has insisted bombing Libya and then forgetting about it was an act of statesmanship.

HSBC in talks with Somalia’s pirate king

HSBC is to move its HQ from London and is considering an offer from the pirate king of Somalia.

Royal baby watchers booing non-royal babies

CROWDS outside St Mary’s Hospital in West London have been hurling abuse at any non-royal newborns.

Cameron admits the United Kingdom is a terrible idea

THE union between England and Scotland is stupid and wrong, David Cameron has finally admitted.

Londoners falling down cool, independent holes

LONDONERS are competing to plunge into quirky, independently-run holes in the pavement.