SWEDEN has dropped depth charges in three squares of the Baltic in an attempt to hit a Russian submarine.
SUNDERLAND players have paid to have fans' memories of their defeat by Sunderland surgically deleted.
THE EU has threatened to send your elderly expat relatives home to live with you.
A BUS driver has confirmed that he welcomes passengers of all races, creeds and sexual orientations provided they do not try to pay with a note.
PASSENGERS on turbulent flights are pretending to read the in-flight magazine while inwardly shitting themselves.
RESEARCHERS into seasonal affective disorder believe it may be caused by everything being dark, cold and awful for months on end.
NEW research has found that in any situation involving multiple humans one of them will be deliberately uncooperative.
SCOTLAND is capitalising on being the site of the first act of copulation with a new slogan and flag.
A FAMILY’S Waitrose food delivery contained a massive loudmouthed spider with old-fashioned sexist views.