Waitrose shopping contained intimidatingly working class spider

A FAMILY’S Waitrose food delivery contained a massive loudmouthed spider with old-fashioned sexist views.

Obvious drug users ‘just out for a walk’ in field known for magic mushrooms

A GROUP of caners spotted in a Welsh valley noted for psilocybin mushrooms have claimed they were just getting some fresh air.

Ed Miliband is unpaid intern

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is still technically on work experience and has yet to receive a wage.

Honey Monster has diabetes

THE Honey Monster is suffering from type 2 diabetes, it has emerged.

Liverpool victory just Raheem Sterling's dream

LIVERPOOL'S 3-2 victory against QPR only happened in striker Raheem Sterling's sleeping mind, the FA has confirmed.

Group of tired, miserable people actually networking

A GROUP of conference attendees making strained conversation at the bar have realised that they are networking.

Bono to do a shit in your sock drawer

CONCEITED rocker Bono has announced plans for a free gift of a turd among your socks.

Man trapped in Waterstones has idea for a book

A MAN who was trapped in a Waterstones has had an idea for a novel.

Drunk you is the real you

YOUR behaviour when you are drunk represents your true personality, scientists have confirmed.