Waitrose totally freaks out

CLASSY supermarket Waitrose has completely lost it after everyone took the piss with its free hot drinks.

You should hear me when I stub my f**king toe, says Kim Sears

ANDY Murray's fiancee has dismissed her expletive-filled tirade against his Australian Open semi-final opponent as nothing compared to when she steps in catshit.

Stranger gave mum £10 to piss off

MOTHER of three Nikki Hollis was given £10 by a stranger to leave her local pub and take her kids with her.

Museum to remove size zero dinosaur

LONDON'S Natural History Museum will remove a fat-shaming dinosaur exhibit, it has confirmed.

Breaking Bad spin-off is nature documentary

THE spin-off from hit drama Breaking Bad is a documentary about the flora and fauna of the New Mexico desert, its producers have revealed.

Self-loathing immigrants urged to vote UKIP

UKIP is courting the vote of immigrants who hate what they see in the mirror, it has confirmed.

Cat returns from dead in heartwarming spine-chilling story

A CAT has clawed its way out of a shallow grave and returned home to terrify its delighted owner.

Crowdfunding site launched for people who just want some recreational drugs

A NEW crowdfunding website has been launched to help people who want free money for drugs.

Midlands earthquake leaves trail of pound shops and coffee chains

AN earthquake centred in Rutland has left Midlands towns a bleak, devastated, landscape of nothing but Poundstretchers and Costa Coffees.