You should have heard some of the other poster ideas, says Farage

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has rejected criticism of the party’s latest poster campaign, assuring people they have absolutely no idea.

Losing weight now a career

BEING famous for losing weight is an acceptable substitute for a modelling, acting or singing career, say minor celebrities.

BBC unveils new drama The Enunciators

THE BBC has unveiled a new drama which promises some of the most clearly-spoken action ever seen on TV.

UK to introduce 'drink banks'

CHURCH halls and community centres are to offer emergency alcohol supplies to those unable to afford it themselves.

Cornwall to celebrate new status with disgusting amount of cream

CORNWALL will today celebrate its new minority status with an unstoppable deluge of fresh cream.

Essex engage notorious bounder

ESSEX County Cricket Club have hoodwinked their rivals by engaging the services of rakish bon vivant Jesse Ryder, Esquire.

The Mash guide to the Man United shortlist

DAVID Moyes has gone, but who will replace him in the toughest job in the world of the football?

Photoshop expert finds proof of ghosts

AN expert in Photoshop and other graphics software, has found conclusive proof that ghosts exist.

Atheists are delusional, says Conservative Party’s chief Satanist

THE Conservative Party’s Grand Satanic Ambassador has assured atheists that they are totally wrong.