THE Archbishop of Canterbury has given thanks to Jesus, who gave his life so that we could have not just a Monday off work but a Friday too.
TESCO has warned the people of the UK that they will pay with their lives for abandoning it.
PRINCE William has lapsed into behaving like a 16th century tyrant during his tour of Australia.
SWEARING education for six-year-olds is to become mandatory.
SIR Alex Ferguson is to auction off his extensive collection of human skulls.
SHARKS are really interesting, it has been confirmed.
MILLIONS of men are about to pretend a shaving accident caused them to remove their beard.
HIPPY parents will be giving their children drab, joyless dairy-free Easter eggs again this year, it has been confirmed.
MATCH of the Day pundit Alan Hansen has insisted that a team will win the Premier League.