Attractive people enjoying not having to be funny

ATTRACTIVE people thoroughly enjoy not having to be funny or interesting, they have revealed.

Protein World poster ‘just a standard piece-of-shit advert’

THE controversial Protein World poster is no more tawdry, exploitative and depressing than the rest of advertising, according to industry watchdogs.

Man with some knowledge of tennis simply insufferable

A MAN who knows about tennis from watching it semi-regularly is really making the most of it.

Sun unhealthily interested in bikini-clad women

THE sun is shining hard to encourage women into states of undress, it has emerged.

Third Heathrow runway to be disguised by cave mouth and collapsible palm trees

HEATHROW’S third runway will be discreetly hidden inside a cliff face with palm trees that fold down when planes launch.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) And when you get that feeling, you want sexual healing. 'That feeling' being a burning sensation when you urinate.

Everybody wondering if it's okay to change profile back now

NO-ONE wants to be the first to remove the Pride rainbow from their Facebook picture, it has emerged.

Workers lunching outdoors decide to turn feral

OFFICE workers eating their sandwiches in the park are increasingly never going back to work or society.

Guardian produces French dictionary with masculine nouns removed

THE Guardian has created a French dictionary that contains only feminine words.