New theme park exclusively devoted to angrily bollocking children

BOLLOCKINGLAND in Kent is the first theme park just for angry parents who want to publicly tell off their children.

I didn’t know the lion had a name, says dentist

THE US dentist who killed Cecil the lion has said he would not knowingly have targeted an animal with a name.

Shopper horrified to discover she is a ‘real woman’

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has expressed dismay at discovering she is a ‘real woman’ like in television adverts.

Bake Off gets spin-off series How Much Cake Can You Eat?

THE BBC’s popular baking show is to be followed in the schedules by a cake-eating competition.

Mourinho's fat jibes 'must be part of a sophisticated mind game'

CHELSEA manager Jose Mourinho's intricate, enigmatic mind games moved up another level when he called Rafa Benitez fat yesterday.

Ask Holly: Can I ever escape from the fakery of 1D?

AS president of the unofficial Taylor Swift fan club, I have taken an official oath to always despise One Direction.

Office worker excited about impending 'trickle down' of wealth

ADMINISTRATOR Wayne Hayes is eagerly waiting to feel the benefits of Britain’s robust economic growth.

Tosser policeman not going soft on cannabis

PC TOM Logan is determined to keep busting people for having tiny amounts of cannabis because he is a tosser.

Topshop to replace mannequins with skeletons

RETAILER Topshop is to replace its controversial slender mannequins with skeletons.