Lloyds fires local branch staff who actually caused the financial crisis

LLOYDS Bank has disposed of 3,000 local bank workers who started the financial crisis from their roles behind counters.

Kid with ferret doesn’t need to f**k about with Pokemon

A SMALL boy with a pet ferret has confirmed that it is far better than any Pokemon.

Office workers advised to run away

UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.

Everyone worried Owen Smith will try to sell them a vacuum cleaner

BRITONS are worried that Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith might try to sell them life insurance or solar panels, they have revealed.

FA Cup to trial substituting finalists

THE FA will substitute lower-league teams who reach the FA Cup final for popular clubs like Manchester United.

Stranger Things fan admits it sounds like a lot of bollocks

A WOMAN describing the Netflix series Stranger Things has admitted that it does sound shite.

Ask Holly: Since stepping down as UKIP leader I've been toying with pimping myself out

I LOVE reality TV, especially the gritty fly-on-the-wall documentary series about a young female pig called Peppa.

Dumped man wondering if ‘too nice’ might mean something else

A RECENTLY-DUMPED man is not sure why being ‘too nice’ was such a problem.

UKIP steps up search for new bellend

UKIP is to accelerate its leadership election to fill the bellend void left by Nigel Farage.