Fancy burgers not actually that great

FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.

Old school acquaintance acting like you were friends

A FORMER school classmate is behaving as if you had a much closer relationship than was actually the case.

House spiders must prove they are catching flies

SPIDERS living rent-free in houses must provide evidence that they are actually killing flies.

Sober October deferred until No-Drink November

DRINKERS who vowed not to touch alcohol for one month have decided to delay the pledge for thirty days or so.

Mark E Smith closing in on escaped Fall member

THE Fall frontman Mark E Smith is close to recapturing an escaped bass guitarist who has been on the run for several days.

Duncan Smith ahead in f**king stupid ideas sweepstake

IAIN Duncan Smith is tipped to win a bet on who can come up with the most idiotic idea at the Tory conference.

Does ‘extremists’ include Russell Brand? asks everyone

BRITAIN will accept diminished civil rights if it means less Russell Brand on the television, it has emerged.

People who hate music excited about new Cheryl single

THOUSANDS of people who find actual music too confusing are excited to purchase the new single by Cheryl Cole.

Supermarkets to stop hiding contempt for customers

BRITAIN’S supermarkets have revealed plans to stop concealing their utter loathing of the public.