Kent emotionally devastated by earthquake

KENT residents have said they may never trust the earth again after being hit by a 4.2 magnitude earthquake.

Liz Kendall to punch UK's last coal miner

LABOUR leadership hopeful Liz Kendall has promised to punch the last surviving British coal miner hard in the face.

Watching Eurovision ironically is still watching Eurovision, say experts

THE British public have been warned that watching the Eurovision Song Contest to sneer at it is no better than watching it genuinely, like a Belgian.

Bin Laden was 9/11 conspiracy theorist

OSAMA bin Laden was convinced that the CIA were responsible for the 9/11 attacks despite planning them himself, it has emerged.

Professor bets he can turn SNP MP into a gentleman

A PROFESSOR has entered into a wager that he can make a Scottish National Party MP pass for a gentleman.

Adult colouring book doesn’t even contain naked breasts

BUYERS of adult colouring books have discovered they are devoid of any erotic content.

Gay cake converted entire tray of bread rolls to homosexuality

A GAY wedding cake has turned some bread rolls gay after being left beside them on a bakery counter.

Henry Hoover watches you sleep

YOUR Henry Hoover comes into your bedroom at night and watches you from inches away, researchers have discovered.

Tristram Hunt ducks out of leadership race after discovering he's a Tory

TRISTRAM Hunt will not stand in the Labour leadership contest after finding out he was actually a Conservative all along.