Sunderland pub named Britain’s best for fighting

THE Mermaid’s Head, a no-frills Wearside boozer that specialises in delivering a proper hiding, has been named the nation’s best fighting pub by The Guardian.

Beard to divorce owner

A FIVE-year-old beard has sought a divorce from his 28-year-old London-based owner.

Page 3 to end as Britain runs out of breasts

THE SUN is to end its topless Page 3 feature because the UK’s supply of tits has been exhausted.

Americans warn Scotland about ‘hope-change bullshit’

ORDINARY Americans have warned Scotland the momentous change it is being sold is total bullshit.

University freshers definitely friends for life

A GROUP of first-year students at the University of Leeds have formed a bond that will last decades.

Airstrikes to solve everything

NEW US airstrikes on Syria will restore peace in the region with no further complications, rubble or death.

Spelling defunct

SPELLING words correctly no longer matters to anyone, it has emerged.

Cameron asked to explain ‘effing’

PUZZLED Scots have asked David Cameron to explain the mystery word in his 'effing Tories' comment.

100 per cent of slaves in full employment

SLAVES across the world are fully employed for the 4,600th year since records began.