Business

Britons embrace fake cycling holidays

THOUSANDS of Britons are hiring specialist image manipulators to simulate exotic cycling trips.

Scottish coffee actually lager

'COFFEE' served in Scottish cafes is actually high strength lager.

Retail arm of bank in love with investment arm

THE UK’s banks have pleaded not to be broken up because they are deeply in love.

Kickstarter ignores cancer cure in favour of gnome hat

A CANCER cure has lost out on Kickstarter to a humorous scheme to buy a garden gnome a hat.

Supermarkets openly targeting tight bastards

TESCO has launched a special Tight Bastard range aimed at misers.

Airports to combine body searches with eating, shopping and the toilet

AIRPORTS are to minimise delays by searching your insides while you eat, shop and go to the lavatory.

Flexible working not suitable for actual jobs

FLEXIBLE working is impractical for jobs where work needs to be done, it has emerged.

Brooks verdict welcomed by clueless bosses

BOSSES who have no idea what their staff are doing have welcomed the acquittal of Rebekah Brooks.