Business

Supermarkets to stop hiding contempt for customers

BRITAIN’S supermarkets have revealed plans to stop concealing their utter loathing of the public.

Anything bends if you f**k about with it enough, says Apple

APPLE has admitted its new iPhone will bend if you are determined to bend it.

Britain celebrates ‘Sticking to Terms of Your Contract Day’

BRITAIN is celebrating that special day when you only work the hours you are paid to work.

Three in five Tesco stores are overgrown ruins

SIXTY per cent of Tesco stores are roofless wrecks inhabited by tribes of feral monkeys, auditors have found.

 

Attractive staff 'a sign of pervert boss'

COMPANIES with unusually attractive staff are likely to be run by creepy people, it has been claimed.

Tena is coolest brand

INCONTINENCE specialist Tena has been vote the UK’s coolest brand.

100 per cent of slaves in full employment

SLAVES across the world are fully employed for the 4,600th year since records began.

RBS says relocation is scare story and true story

RBS said it will definitely move to London after independence, but admitted that must be really scary for Alex Salmond.