Business

Banks ‘could be forced to keep all your money’

BANKS are to introduce a policy of keeping all of their customers’ money for themselves, they have announced.

You'll get bored of all this soon and I’ll still be loaded, says Philip Green

SIR Philip Green has confirmed plans to ignore a few weeks of criticism for his role in the BHS collapse and still be rich at the end of it.

Company almost forgets to cover product with incredibly hard to remove stickers

A COMPANY’S production line was halted yesterday after one of its products almost failed to be covered in pointless, annoying stickers.

Dress-down Friday a total shitshow

THE hot weather has turned casual Friday in offices around the UK into a riot of inappropriate clothing, workers have confirmed.

Mike Ashley ‘just a huge Dickens fan’

SPORTS Direct boss Mike Ashley runs his business like a Victorian workhouse as a homage to his favourite writer Charles Dickens.

‘No, I am not in the f**king garden,’ says home worker

A MAN who works from home has reiterated for the eighth time today that he is not sitting in the garden.  

Miserable Osborne returns to life of cocaine and prostitutes

A DEJECTED George Osborne has returned to the empty parade of escort girls and drug abuse that made up his life before being chancellor.

Tickets to London property crash already sold out

MORE than 800,000 front row seats to watch London’s property market collapse in April next year have already sold out.