Politics

Brexiter unable to find any street parties

A COMMITTED Brexiter has yet to find a street party celebrating Britain’s very own independence day.

May unable to do deal at Tesco checkout

THE prime minister has caused chaos at a Tesco checkout after being unable to do a deal where she handed over money for goods.

Queen’s Speech ends with ‘f**k this’

THE Queen’s Speech has ended abruptly with the words ‘fuck this,’ spoken halfway through a sentence, before the monarch wandered off.

Brexiter to claim he was 'just kidding'

A BREXITER who has finally realised it will not turn out well is to claim he was just joking.

Lib Dem leadership race between someone you’ve never heard of and two-thirds of a fart

TWO frontrunners have emerged in what is expected to be the most exciting Lib Dem leadership contest since William Gladstone defeated Florence Nightingale in 1865.

Today not the day for blame, say right-wing hatemongers

BRITONS should not turn against each other but remain united in love, according to prominent right-wing extremists keen to move on.

Backbench Tories in plot to find vaguely competent bastard

CONSERVATIVE MPs are plotting to replace Theresa May with someone who is just as cynical and nasty but not really bad at everything.  

May still prime minister for some f**king reason

THERESA May is still the prime minister of the United Kingdom and no-one has the faintest idea why, it has been confirmed.