Politics

Cameron and Miliband set out horrible, soul-destroying choice

DAVID Cameron and Ed Miliband have confirmed that one of them is going to be prime minister in a few weeks.

Thomas the Tank Engine like Britain because he constantly f**ks up, says Cameron

THE prime minister has likened the UK to Thomas the Tank Engine, who is alway the direct cause of disaster.

Salmond says SNP will win 300 seats in England

THE Scottish National Party is on course to win a majority of seats across England.

What’s what in David Cameron’s fancy kitchen

5. Lumps of putrefying giraffe meat that he feeds to Ian Duncan Smith through the slot in his wooden crate.

Cameron gives up boyhood dream of being prime minister for 50 years

DAVID Cameron has admitted he will not serve as prime minister for a full five decades.

South Wales going quietly insane

PLANS to do insane things like turning Swansea into a sunken lagoon have been waved through by a distracted parliament. 

Budget to focus on growth, jobs and old, greedy bastards tempted to vote UKIP

GEORGE Osborne has hinted that today's Budget will be for business, growth and vile pensioners who want lots of free stuff.

Miliband rules out forming a government

ED Miliband has confirmed that Labour will refuse to govern the country if it wins the general election.