Brexit bill defeated by light breeze

THE government’s Brexit bill has suffered two shock defeats due to a mild breeze and a few spots of rain.    

Man forgets he bought seven luxury flats

A MAN completely forgot he had bought a large number of luxury flats, much like health secretary Jeremy Hunt, he has revealed.  

Amateur football team loses 15-0 after letting Corbyn join in

JEREMY Corbyn is not very good at helping his own team win at football, an amateur side has discovered.

Labour bribing young people with luxurious free bus travel

THE Labour party is mired in controversy after trying to bribe young people with thrilling, luxurious free bus travel.  

Most Britons think Good Friday Agreement was telly programme with Chris Evans

TWO decades on from the Good Friday Agreement, most Britons think it was a telly programme with Chris Evans. 

New centrist party to unite all the shittest bits of UK politics

A PARTY that sat between the Conservatives and Labour on the political spectrum would be a strange hybrid of the worse parts of both of them, it has been confirmed.

Rise in violent crime unrelated to police cuts, Tories and criminals agree

THE Conservatives and violent criminals have issued a joint statement stating that rising crime figures are nothing to do with the loss of 20,000 police officers. 

UK would still vote for Brexit on basis that nothing happens

BRITONS would still vote for Brexit on the basis that nothing has yet happened or is likely to happen, they have confirmed.