Politics

Can we kill Corbyn yet? asks knife-wielding mob of Labour MPs

MODERATE Labour MPs wielding knives are asking if Labour’s results are bad enough to slaughter Jeremy Corbyn.

Zac Goldsmith refusing to come out of toilet

TORY London mayoral candidate Zac Goldsmith has locked himself in a toilet with a book of Latin poetry and some truffles.

Britons set out for historic vote on Europe before realising they’ve got the wrong day

VOTERS are heading to polling stations to decide if the nation will stay in the EU, before discovering that one is next month.

That Schindler was a meddling do-gooder, say Tories

RESCUING child refugees is the sort of sentimental nonsense that belongs in films, senior Tories have confirmed.

Obama stole my bike, claims Boris

BORIS Johnson has escalated his war on Barack Obama by claiming the US President stole his bike.

Evil woodland folk demand return of Gove

IT IS time for changeling Michael Gove to return to his own kind, according to malevolent woodland sprites.

Voters ‘treated like children’ because they basically are, say experts

POLITICIANS treat voters like children because they act like children, experts have confirmed.

No more sex if we leave EU, warns Osborne

LEAVING the EU will prevent Britons from ever having sex again, George Osborne has warned.