Politics

HUMZA, buddy, I’ve just seen the news. Bad luck, mate. Not everyone can be universally adored like me. Want to know how I do it? I’ll let you into a few secrets.

LABOUR’S rail nationalisation plans have confirmed they are a party unafraid to do the entirely obvious thing if they feel it benefits Britain.

RISHI Sunak is increasing defence spending and preparing for war. Would you send your children to battle under his indefatigable command?

THE prime minister is eagerly awaiting opinion polls that will reveal whether Britain really is as cretinous as he hopes.

THE prime minister, drunk on power, has proudly declared that nothing except several very real hurdles now stand in the way of the Rwanda bill.

THE government is to take the issuing of sick notes from GPs and hand it to a panel of specially selected sadistic bastards.

THIS kitchen – similar to one owned by Angela Rayner – may look harmless, but could easily have been used for a host of serious crimes. Forensic kitchen investigator Martin Bishop gives his verdict.

EVERYONE loves Conservative MPs and their propensity to stumble into hilarious sex outrages. Gather the family around and match the backbencher to their scandal!