Society

Enjoyment of film ruined by lurking cursor

A 31-YEAR-MAN has expressed deep frustration at his failure to make the cursor disappear while watching a film on his laptop.

Tarot cards an excuse to say unpleasant things freely

TAROT readers are only doing it to make character judgments for which they would otherwise be punched, it has emerged.

Housing crisis to be solved by starter forests

BRITAIN’S housing crisis will be solved by people living in forests like Ewoks, David Cameron has announced.

Adult believes her cat can see dead people

GROWN-UP woman Emma Bradford believes her cat can see the spirits of the dead.

Hipsters breeding with cockneys

THE influx of hipsters to East London has resulted in a new hybrid species, scientists have announced.

Britain appoints new lowest common denominator

A 42-YEAR-OLD man has been named as the UK's new lowest common denominator.

Man picks up warm dog shit, seals it in a bag then leaves it in the hedge

A DOG walker has bagged a pile of fresh canine faeces then put it back in almost the same place.

Postcards of red phoneboxes to show they're only used for crime

POSTCARDS featuring traditional red phoneboxes must now show they are exclusively used for sex, drugs and public urination.