Society

Johnson to press ahead with island for people called Boris

BORIS Johnson is to create an island sanctuary for people called Boris.

Pavements face gridlock

HUGE baby buggies, heavier people and kids on scooters threaten the UK with pedestrian gridlock by 2015.

Graduates doing low-paid jobs in a moody way

UNIVERSITY graduates trapped in low-paid jobs have resolved to do them in a grudging, sour-faced manner.

Privacy experts too paranoid even for lunch

The UK’s foremost authorities on privacy law have refused to confirm their availability for a working lunch next Friday.

DVLA getting kids to make tax discs

THE DVLA has a team of seven-year-old girls making its tax discs using colourful card and glitter.

Seven year-olds to be taught how to end relationships via text

PRIMARY schoolchildren are to be educated in ending relationships by text, email, and Skype.

Carnival offers annual opportunity to trash Notting Hill

NON-RESIDENTS of Notting Hill are looking forward to this year’s chance to destroy the affluent London borough with impunity.

Middle classes ask if they can stop shopping at Aldi now

THE middle class shoppers who switched to budget supermarkets have wondered if they can switch back soon.