Society

Road worker sick of being the designated shoveller

HIGHWAYS operative Tom Logan is angry that he always has to use the shovel while his team stands around watching him.

Britons impressed by big percentages

STATISTICALLY illiterate Britons are being shocked and surprised by percentages that only relate to a tiny number of actual things.

Tube carriage reveals shocking treatment of human livestock

HUMANS are being transported across London in crammed, sweltering underground carriages, it has been revealed.

Man with shaved head and beard is going bald on his terms

38-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan is controlling his hair destiny by shaving his head and growing a beard.

Prosecco is top blackout juice

EVERYBODY is getting wasted on prosecco this year, supermarkets have confirmed.

Nan rates films based on scenery

81-YEAR-OLD Mary Fisher's opinion of a film is based entirely on whether it features pleasant scenery.

Sex actually quite strange

SEXUAL intercourse is probably the weirdest thing you will ever do, according to experts.

Everybody really hates the slate thing, chefs told

NO diner prefers a slab of black rock to a plate, chefs have been informed.