Society

Liberal elite declares police state

THE UK government has been overthrown by a liberal elite junta headed by Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee.

Showing initiative ‘a waste of everyone’s time’

SHOWING initiative is a waste of time for the person who does it and those who have to live with the consequences.

Matching North Face jackets mandatory for couples aged 45 and over

MIDDLE-AGED couples are legally required to wear matching practical jackets to even the most inappropriate occasions, it has been confirmed.

Personality survey finds rational Britons desperately outnumbered

A NATIONWIDE personality study has found that only 0.4 per cent of the population is not obsessed with sofas and fighting.

Secret Nazi hideout found in Bromley

THE ruins of a secret Nazi fortress have been discovered in suburban south-east London.

Clarkson to live in a forest entertaining right-wing animals

JEREMY Clarkson has become a wild man who talks to rabbits about how magpies are scroungers.

Journalist would kill everyone in room for heartwarming story

A NEWSPAPER journalist has admitted she will stop at nothing, including murder, to get an uplifting human interest story.

South London houses become stately homes

FAMILY properties worth more than £1m in Catford and Peckham have announced they will open to the public at weekends.