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Society

We will not rest until we have converted all the straights. By the Council of Gays

LONDON Pride is being billed as a vibrant celebration of diverse sexualities, but secretly we have only one aim: converting all straight people, especially older white men.

Vince, Trevor and other names not making a comeback

WHILE once-unpopular names like Alfie and Ivy have enjoyed spectacular revivals, others have not. Britain has quietly agreed that no child should have to answer to these.

19 Northern cliches to employ when discussing Andy Burnham, for Southerners who've never been there

NEVER visited the North? No need, as you’ve heard what it’s like? Keep this list of Northern cliches on hand to drop in for any discussion of Andy Burnham’s politics.

White working-class children failed by education, say people who've never shared a desk with them

How to cope with your child's teacher being a Gen Z wanker

IN your schooldays Mr Logan would emerge from the cigarette smoke of the staffroom, mutter about fractions and visibly wish he could still belt you one.

Britain's invincible rail networks finally defeated by heatwave

THE indestructible train network that has made Britain famous since the days of Empire has finally been undone by today’s terrible heat.

How to ensure people know you're a racist and not just supporting England

YOU have to feel sorry for racists who put up St George flags only to discover the whole street has them because of the World Cup. Here’s how to avoid confusion.

Weird that we need a trigger, admit racists

Toddler allowed screen time if it's prestige dramas

A SMALL child is allowed as much TV and tablet time as they like if they are watching an iconic BAFTA or Emmy-winning drama.

We ask you: Which iconic British creature must be on banknotes or you'll riot?

THE Bank of England has announced the 18-strong shortlist of beasts for British banknotes and the country is in uproar. Which will you go to war to be included?