Society

HELLO, I’m Miss Traherne. I’ve written it on the whiteboard for you. Today we’ll be learning about the inevitable downfall of the ruling class, like Mr Farage says.

EXPERTS have warned that a new financial crisis which you did nothing to contribute to but will f**k you right up is coming, so bad luck.

KEMI Badenoch wants to curb English degrees due to their ‘poor graduate outcomes’. But she should realise there are many excellent reasons to do them. Like these.

THE British winner of the Nobel Prize for Physics is to spend the whole of his prize money on a customised sports utility vehicle in metallic Muscle Purple.

PADDINGTON Bear has taken legal action over suggestions that he was, in her final year, Queen Elizabeth II’s designated f**kbuddy.

TAYLOR Swift’s former fans have praised the star for prioritising their emotional development by releasing an album bad enough for them to move on.

HISTORIANS have warned that supplies of previously unknown women who can be held up as inspirational figures are about to be exhausted.

THE cost of getting your car serviced depends on what garage staff think of the radio station you are tuned to, it has emerged.

THE Metropolitan Police have hailed footage showing them hiding their racist views for months as a massive step forward for the force.

LABOUR is set to raise the two-child benefit cap, meaning households can maximise state payouts by adding a third, fourth or fifth child. We weigh up the pros and cons.