Society

Train becomes your house when you buy a ticket, say twats

THE train is your house on rails where you can do whatever you like, according to many passengers.

Cyclist who stopped at red light questions own manhood

A CYCLIST who failed to ride right through a red light has been left wondering if he is any kind of a man.

Woman consults phone 63 times without filling internal void

A WOMAN has looked at her smartphone 63 times in a day without finding the cure for her inner emptiness.

Delusional man thinks he’s getting his tenancy deposit back

A DELUSIONAL man thinks he is going to get his deposit back from a private landlord.

Cocktail barman overly concerned about customers making right choice

A COCKTAIL barman cares too deeply about which drink his customers order, it has emerged.

Dad imagines detailed scenario where Daisy Lowe goes on date with him

49-YEAR-OLD Wayne Hayes has imagined a situation where Daisy Lowe agrees to go out with him.

Woman reaches end of week without giving a f**k about Brangelina or Bake Off

A WOMAN has successfully completed the week without giving a toss about the Brangelina split or the cake show.

Man passionate about saying he’s a socialist

A 45-YEAR-OLD old man is deeply committed to saying he is a socialist.