Society

New financial crisis that is not your fault but will ruin you on way

EXPERTS have warned that a new financial crisis which you did nothing to contribute to but will f**k you right up is coming, so bad luck.

Hot girls with rich dads do it, and other reasons to take an English Literature degree

KEMI Badenoch wants to curb English degrees due to their ‘poor graduate outcomes’. But she should realise there are many excellent reasons to do them. Like these.

Nobel Prize winner to spend money on pimped-out SUV

THE British winner of the Nobel Prize for Physics is to spend the whole of his prize money on a customised sports utility vehicle in metallic Muscle Purple.

Paddington sues over claims he was the late Queen's booty call

PADDINGTON Bear has taken legal action over suggestions that he was, in her final year, Queen Elizabeth II’s designated f**kbuddy.

Thank you for helping us get over your music and move on, say Swifties

TAYLOR Swift’s former fans have praised the star for prioritising their emotional development by releasing an album bad enough for them to move on.

History running out of previously unknown inspirational women

HISTORIANS have warned that supplies of previously unknown women who can be held up as inspirational figures are about to be exhausted.

Mechanic's invoice based entirely on your choice of radio station

THE cost of getting your car serviced depends on what garage staff think of the radio station you are tuned to, it has emerged.

At least now we know we're not meant to be racist, counters Met

THE Metropolitan Police have hailed footage showing them hiding their racist views for months as a massive step forward for the force.

Should you cash in on the lifting of the two-child benefit cap by having a third child?

LABOUR is set to raise the two-child benefit cap, meaning households can maximise state payouts by adding a third, fourth or fifth child. We weigh up the pros and cons.

Six overheard fresher conversations that gave you a full-body cringe

THE cities of Britain are thronged with callow 18-year-olds having loud conversations while knowing f**k all. These are a few of the worst.