Society

Middle class parents leaving public school prospectuses lying around

PARENTS unable to afford school fees have been reduced to leaving public school prospectuses in highly visible areas of their homes.

‘Totally legal’ things always morally wrong

ANYTHING described as ‘totally legal’ is always the wrong thing to do, it has emerged.

Pinch and punch to be rigidly enforced

OFFICIALS will enforce 'pinch, punch, first of the month' tomorrow, it has been confirmed.

Britain demands weirder-looking dogs

DOG enthusiasts have called for stranger and more physically dysfunctional breeds.

Britons only attracted to themselves

INCREASINGLY narcissistic Britons only want to have sex with themselves, it has emerged.

Stag do spiralled into tameness

A STAG party has petered out after only three hours of drinking.

Night tube to be even more terrifying than night bus

THE forthcoming all-night London Underground services will be even scarier than night buses, according to Boris Johnson.

OKCupid profile clearly copied from LinkedIn

SINGLETON Tom Booker has filled in his online dating profile with information about his professional skills and employment history.