Society

Russell Brand’s revolution to consist mainly of nutters

THE vanguard of Russell Brand’s revolution will be people who are out of their minds, it has been confirmed.

Cold-calling divorce lawyers promise compensation for bad marriages

DIVORCE lawyers are making unsolicited calls to ask if you have suffered a marriage, relationship or children that are not your fault.

Soup claiming to be a full meal

SOUP is continuing to insist it is a main course despite barely functioning as a starter.

Afterlife only for animals

ONLY animals go to Heaven, it has emerged.

Paranoia now part of national identity

BRITAIN'S national character now includes the belief that everything is an evil conspiracy.

Hard kids get their own soft play centre

A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.

Incredibly depressing time capsule buried

A TIME capsule containing the Ebola virus, a bent iPhone 6 and a UKIP manifesto has been buried as a warning to future humans.

Inclusive community choir secretly hoping the shit ones will quit

A COMMUNITY choir that welcomes all singing abilities would quite like it if the tuneless ones stopped turning up, it has emerged.