Society

Britain to revisit golden age of chucking shopping trolleys in rivers

THE new pound coin has forced Tesco to unlock its trolleys, most of which are expected to end up in Britain's waterways in the next few days.

Man hates environment because liberals quite like it

A MAN is opposed to protecting the environment because upsetting 'liberals' gives him a feeling of satisfaction, he has revealed.

Train woman pulling that bag on seat shit

A PASSENGER on a busy train is acting like her bags are not on the seat next to her.

New record sees woman make it to 9.05am before hearing word 'Brexit'

A WOMAN set a new record today by not hearing anyone say ‘Brexit’ for almost two hours after waking.

Divorced man with Union Jack mug looking around empty flat

A MAN who opened divorce proceedings against his wife yesterday is looking around his bare flat wondering why he feels no different.

Attempt to befriend office loner reveals why he is a loner

A GOOD-HEARTED attempted to befriend a widely ignored co-worker has backfired, it has emerged.

Woman has too many suggestions for your holiday

YOUR holiday to Rome is under threat from a colleague who went there last year and has far too many tips for you.

Kids allowed on term time holidays if they bring back cheap fags and some Grappa

CHILDREN will be allowed to travel abroad during term time as long as they bring back booze and fags for teachers.