Society

Mum sending lovely handwritten cards to everyone but f**king wankers who didn't send them last year

A WOMAN is sending Christmas cards with caring, personal handwritten messages to everyone except the worthless shitstains who did not send her cards in 2023.

The six arsehole parents at your child's nativity play

ATTENDING your child’s nativity play, even though he’s a mere shepherd for the second year running? Distract yourself with fury at these twats.

Nobody is allowed to question anything we do, say country folk

RESIDENTS of the countryside have confirmed nobody understands their rural ways and therefore any criticism of their actions is automatically invalid.

Chummy Northern bastard advert voiceover alienates everyone from any other region

THE majority of Britain has vowed never to buy a product from a company creating a false air of personability using the tried-and-tested friendly Northern voiceover.

All trains late and everyone fired

EVERY train in the UK is late and everyone who is late for work has been dismissed by their employer.

We ask you: is it Christmas yet, or are you a miserable Scrooge?

ARE you full of the joys of the season, mince pies and festive-themed ales, or are you a vicious miser who deserves a good triple haunting?

Five clearly bullshit excuses for a delayed train and what they really mean

TRAINS are so unreliable they have to come up with a host of stupid excuses to keep travellers docile. Here’s the truth behind their lies.

'Ye Olde Fighting Cocks' is cruel and ageist: Bad pub names according to PETA

PETA have claimed a pub called ‘The Sly Old Fox’ is offensive to foxes. Which is a great way to stop people taking you seriously and presumably means these names are unacceptable too…