Society

A WOMAN wearing a brightly-coloured lipstick has given up drinking fluids so as not to ruin it, it has emerged.

The British way of life is under attack. Poppy sellers are being assaulted. The Home Secretary is being forced out of office for speaking up for the silent majority, nevermind all that nonsense about breaking ministerial codes.

YOUR mum believes James Cleverly is too bearded to be foreign secretary and should resign. These men also should be ashamed of their hirsuteness.

A WOMAN has solemnly pinned a poppy to the strap of her sexy lace padded plunge bra, it has emerged.

A PRETENTIOUS area of a regular town has decided to rebrand itself as a village.

A FORD Transit has donned an enormous red poppy on its front grill to commemorate the British cargo vehicles lost in war.

A TEENAGE couple on a date at Nando’s have decided the correct amount to tip their waitress for their meal is 40p.

DO you suspect young people are making up phrases to make you feel old and out of the loop? They probably are. But these are real, unlikely as it seems.

THE Red Arrows display team harassed women by drawing enormous representations of their penises across the sky, an investigation has found.

WE hear a lot of sentimental nonsense about old people. But would it really have been a bad thing to clear a few hundred thousand out in late 2020? We investigate.