Arts & Entertainment

Vinyl enthusiasts asked why they don’t just f**king marry it

MEN who love vinyl records have been told to just f**king marry them and live happily ever after.

Jurassic World tells story of enjoyable day out at safety-conscious dinosaur park

THE new Jurassic Park sequel features no peril because of improved health and safety at the dinosaur park.

Bale to return as Megabatman

FORMER Batman Christian Bale is to play a new self-devised superhero called Megabatman.

Average Masterchef contestant looks a decade older than they are

THE gruelling and horrible chef lifestyle has prematurely aged contestants on BBC Two’s Masterchef: The Professionals.

Man faces pretending to like Ride all over again

A MAN in his thirties has expressed dismay at having to pretend to like 90s shoegaze band Ride for the second time.

New Cold War ‘will trigger tedious spy novels’

A NEW Cold War could result in hundreds of incomprehensible spy novels, experts have warned.

Man buys Band Aid single for musical content

AN office worker has purchased the Band Aid song just because he thinks it is good.

Time dilation effect means Interstellar takes 23 years to watch

Cinemagoers watching sci-fi blockbuster Interstellar have staggered out of the film after almost a quarter of a century to find that only a few hours had passed outside.