Arts & Entertainment

Machine getting sick of carrying Florence

THE machine from Florence + the Machine is getting tired of doing all the work, it has revealed.

We get that f**king vinyl is back, says everyone

EVERYONE is now fully aware of vinyl’s resurgence and would prefer to hear no more about it, it has been confirmed.

Humanity warned against reacting to Madonna kiss

ANYONE with an opinion about Madonna’s behaviour is playing into the hands of society’s evil puppet masters, it has been claimed.

Everything in world has been made into a musical

THE West End is set to close after the last original topic for a musical was made into a musical, producers have confirmed.

Teletubbies to return with dead one just lying on the floor

CHILDREN’S TV hit Teletubbies is to return, featuring the dead body of Tinky Winky which is ignored by his former friends.

American Pie ‘is mainly just stuff that rhymes’

DON Maclean has apologised to American Pie obsessives, admitting he was just trying to make it rhyme.

Channel 5 unveils documentary about middle-class arseholes

CHANNEL 5 is making a documentary about feckless, irresponsible idiots who happen to be middle class.

Zoe Wanamaker would make a great Darth Vader, says Miliband

ED Miliband believes that Zoe Wanamaker would bring a fresh twist to the role of Darth Vader.