Arts & Entertainment

London to have its own national anthem

LONDON is to have its own national anthem to mark its status as an entirely separate place from England.

Band wins recording contract for bits of songs

A LOCAL band has won a recording contract for an album of unfinished songs, ‘jam sessions’ and Led Zeppelin riffs.

Getting wasted in tent declared highlight of Glastonbury

THE best thing at Glastonbury was getting smashed in your tent, it has emerged.

Dalai Lama can't wait to pay £12 for Glastonbury cheeseburger

THE Dalai Lama is looking forward to his weekend at the anti-capitalist Glastonbury Festival where organic burgers are just £12.

Dursleys hated Harry Potter because he was a jumped-up little sod

THE Dursley family despised Harry Potter because he was a snotty brat who reckoned he was God's gift to magic, it has emerged.

Dukes of Hazzard admit KKK membership

MOST characters in The Dukes of Hazzard were members of the Ku Klux Klan, Bo and Luke Duke have revealed.

DJ has been mediocre long enough to become a ‘house music legend’

A HOUSE music DJ and producer has been granted legendary status after not being very good for over twenty years.

Glastonbury glamping zone has machine gun turrets to keep out hippies

GUARDS at Glastonbury Festival’s boutique camping area are authorised to use deadly force against hippies, it has emerged.