Arts & Entertainment

DJ names not stupid enough

THE lack of absurd DJ names has been linked to a decline in the quality of dance music.

Pop-reggae thirst quenched for another 20 years

FOLLOWING the summer hit Rude by MAGIC!, music listeners have confirmed they are good for pop-reggae songs until the year 2034.

‘Piss off, you hipster git’ says Mary Berry

BRITAIN cheered last night as Mary Berry told a hipster to get the hell off her television programme.

Kate Bush to lead audience away like a pied piper

KATE Bush is to lure her audience away from London to a place from which they will never return.

Reading Festival charging £10 for bottle of throwing urine

MUSIC fans say high prices at Reading are making it impossible to shower acts in urine.

All female characters now ludicrously hard

EVERY female character in TV and film is now exceptionally determined and hard as nails.

Big Brother line-up becomes Celebrity Big Brother line-up

THE entire line-up of housemates from the just-completed series of Big Brother last night re-entered the house for Celebrity Big Brother.

Downton Abbey to get a wormhole

A HOLE in the space-time continuum is to allow the makers of Downton Abbey to introduce product placement.