DONALD Trump has slammed the writing and release of Shane Richie's autobiography From Rags to Richie.
ACTOR Tom Hiddleston has apologised for being a massive ponce.
MICHAEL Fish is sick of being a byword for fucking up and you can all sod off, the infamous weatherman has declared.
ROLLING Stones legend Keith Richards has expressed his genuine surprise at surviving 2016.
THE voice inside Richard Hammond’s head has reminded him he is easily the most expendable part of Jeremy Clarkson’s TV entourage.
JESUS had a goatee for a bit but nobody was into it, it has emerged.
THE theme of the Queen's Christmas message is how much mental shit has happened lately, it has been revealed.
ERIC Bristow would go on a deadly darts rampage if he was threatened by abusers, he has announced.
- Queen to teach Trump a thing or two about vulgar interior design
- Queen 'to have everyone to stay once palace has been done up'
- Can I have one girlfriend without you bastards f**king it up? asks Harry
- Man at dinner party may be leader of the Liberal Democrats
- Jamie Oliver wearily wanks out yet another f**king cookbook