A 45-YEAR-OLD man has turned on his fog lights in the manner of a spy firing an under-bonnet machine gun.
A CAT has refused to eat a slightly cheaper brand of catfood, despite having recently eaten a rat.
A BRAVE dog has prevented its owner from talking to a possible romantic partner.
THE volume of drawings created by children will bury Britain by 2020 unless urgent action is taken, environmentalists have warned.
A DADDY long legs trapped in a bath has admitted the situation is far from ideal.
MOST Audi cars have a knobhead fitted in the driver’s seat, it has emerged.
A TERRIER humping a stranger’s shin has described how his mind is telling him no but his body’s telling him yes.
A CAT owner is convinced that her pet is unique.
- Volkswagen owners retro-fitted with climate change denial
- Bad weather ends tiresome obligation to act happy
- Weatherman admits he has absolutely no f**king idea anymore
- Koala doesn’t understand why it can’t be cute and horny at the same time
- Britain watches torrential rain with deep, primeval satisfaction