Environment

Not all of UK is enjoying a heatwave, says Scotland yet again

PEOPLE who live in Scotland have stressed, once again, that the UK is experiencing a partial heatwave.

We're not weird, say fish

FISH have spoken out against the widely-held supposition that they are weird. 

Cat goes outside to commit atrocities

AN ADORABLE cat turns into a sadistic psychopath the second she leaves the house, it has been revealed.

Cat and mouse locked in deadly game of cat and mouse

A CAT and a mouse are engaged in what can only be described as a lethal game of cat and mouse.

Quite big cat sighted in Taunton

SIGHTINGS of a fairly big cat have been reported by local residents in Somerset.

We don't trust you any more, Britons tell spring

THE UK has told spring that it is nice to see it but after its betrayals they can never truly love it again. 

Woman lies about leaving 'bag for life' in car again

A WOMAN who has never re-used a carrier bag in her entire life has once again told the cashier she must have left them in the car.

Winter enters 18th fucking month

WINTER has entered its 18th consecutive fucking month, the Met Office has confirmed.