Environment

Mums treating cold weather like deadly radiation

MUMS are treating the fairly cold weather as if it were lethal radiation, it has been confirmed.

Flooding in new areas now a pre-Christmas tradition

FLOODING in places that have never suffered flooding before is now an annual pre-Christmas event, it has been confirmed.

UK completely unprepared for snow for 10,438th winter running

BRITAIN has once again found itself unprepared for snow as it has been since the beginning of recorded history.

All dogs on dog Tinder

DOGS are using social media for no-strings hookups with other dogs, it has emerged.

Hipster dog only likes 80s dog food that you can’t get any more

A DOG hipster will only eat an obscure type of vintage dog food that he enjoys in a semi-ironic way.

Budgies demand to be released from weird people’s homes

BUDGERIGARS imprisoned by weirdos around the UK have issued a statement pleading to be set free.

Endangered animals ‘guilty of poor financial planning’

THE loss of two-thirds of the earth’s wild animals in the next four years has been blamed on their refusal to earn and save money.

Big fat cat is totally body-confident

AN OVERWEIGHT cat is not at all self-conscious about it, he has confirmed.