A FAMILY have spent the Easter holidays giving their National Trust cards an absolute fucking hammering.
THE recent sunny weather has lead to a sharp increase in dickheads going to the park.
ANY lay-by, alleyway or domestic garden that does not display a ‘No Fly Tipping’ sign is open for fly-tipping, local authorities have confirmed.
A CAT'S confidence is being undermined by protruding ear hair, it has emerged.
LONDONERS are against pollution cuts because clean air hurts their poison-adapted lungs, it has emerged.
A GROUP of hipsters have spent an ironic week in the country laughing at the backwardness of the benighted locals.
SPRING is more or less the same as winter, it has been confirmed.
BRITAIN’S brief joy at the arrival of spring has ceased after remembering that it will rain solidly for two months of it.