Daddy long legs in bath ‘just as uncomfortable as you are’

A DADDY long legs trapped in a bath has admitted the situation is far from ideal.

Tests on Audi cars find they contain tossers

MOST Audi cars have a knobhead fitted in the driver’s seat, it has emerged.

Dog don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump ’n grind

A TERRIER humping a stranger’s shin has described how his mind is telling him no but his body’s telling him yes.

Woman refuses to accept that her cat is normal

A CAT owner is convinced that her pet is unique.

Volkswagen owners retro-fitted with climate change denial

ELEVEN million VW drivers have been recalled to the factory to be fitted with scepticism about man-made global warming.

Bad weather ends tiresome obligation to act happy

THE end of sunny weather has liberated millions of Britons from having to pretend they are in a good mood.

Weatherman admits he has absolutely no f**king idea anymore

A WEATHER forecaster has admitted he is just wasting his time right now.

Koala doesn’t understand why it can’t be cute and horny at the same time

THE koala that chased a female quad biker believes it is possible to be simultaneously adorable and sexually aroused.