Environment

BRITAIN’S water suppliers have explained their request for £96 billion to stop pumping shit into waterways is entirely legal and legitimate.

A TEENAGE girl has told off her parents for poisoning the environment with their car, while awaiting the delivery of a truckload of sweatshop clothes.

YOU’D think I’d be concerned about the Earth, due to it being where I live every day. But you’d be wrong. I f**king hate it, and anything that makes it uninhabitable is fine by me.

WALES, that blighted country clinging to England’s belly like a parasite, has imposed a nationwide limit of 20mph. Here’s what happened when I travelled there.

A GROUP of schoolchildren have been to a growhouse on a Walsall housing estate to see where the weed they smoke is made.

THE environmental impact of disposable vapes may soon be eliminated by a completely biodegradable alternative launched by Marlboro.

DON’T drive? Not in London? It doesn’t matter. This is why you must cease your provincial nonsense and immediately form an opinion about Ulez expansion.

BRITAIN’S miserable washout summer is the envy of the world, it has emerged.

SO-CALLED ‘environmentalist’ Leonardo DiCaprio has a big yacht. Therefore we must make Earth uninhabitable. It's the only rational response to a single act of hypocrisy by a celebrity.

SICK of day after day of shit summer weather? Try to cope by refusing to admit it's happening. Ardent Brexiter Roy Hobbs shares the tips he's learnt.