International

Savoury pancakes are bullshit, says Pope

THE Pope has officially proclaimed that God did not intend anyone to eat savoury pancakes.

Cameron secures leftover sandwiches for UK

DAVID Cameron has negotiated a deal allowing Britain to keep any leftover sandwiches from EU meetings, he has announced.

Trump beaten by man who really believes all the horrible things he says

DONALD Trump has lost in the Iowa primary to Ted Cruz, a man who does not just say vile things about immigrants but sincerely believes them.

SAS rescues British couple trapped in inauthentic part of France

THE SAS has mounted a daring helicopter raid to rescue a British couple stranded in a horrifically modern French town.

Trump overtaken by Dick Dastardly in Republican polls

CARTOON racing driver Dick Dastardly has overtaken Donald Trump in polls for the Republican presidential nomination.

Donald Trump praises New York for its whiteness

DONALD Trump has praised the stunning beauty of a snowy, all-white New York.

British holidaymaker convinced locals get everything free

BRITISH holidaymaker Stephen Malley is convinced that he is being charged a special ‘tourist price' by foreign shops.

Everything in Europe was great before you arrived, migrants told

MIGRANTS to Europe have ruined what was a perfectly-functioning near paradise, they have been told.