International

Souls of the damned sent to Magaluf

A SHORTAGE of places in Hell means that the damned will be made to party in Magaluf for all eternity.

Germany and Greece told to 'get a war'

GERMANY and Greece have been told to stop flirting and get on with the war they both desperately desire.

England toasts all the great things it did for Ireland

ENGLAND is pouring a pint of Guinness in celebration of all the ways it has helped Ireland over the years.

People seeing Putin everywhere

VLADIMIR Putin sightings have surged in the last 48 hours.

New volcanic island emerges in shape of Putin’s face

A NEW volcanic island has emerged from the Pacific Ocean that looks like Russian president Vladimir Putin.

One in four newborns is a 29-year-old Polish bathroom fitter

THE UK's population boom is caused by British mothers giving birth to fully-grown Eastern European tradespeople, research has shown.

Israel declares US has declared war on Iran

ISRAELI prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that the United States is at war with Iran.

Crime and Punishment reclassified as non-Russian novel

DOSTOYEVSKY'S Crime and Punishment cannot be Russian as the country does not seem interested in either, scholars have agreed.