A SHORTAGE of places in Hell means that the damned will be made to party in Magaluf for all eternity.
GERMANY and Greece have been told to stop flirting and get on with the war they both desperately desire.
ENGLAND is pouring a pint of Guinness in celebration of all the ways it has helped Ireland over the years.
VLADIMIR Putin sightings have surged in the last 48 hours.
A NEW volcanic island has emerged from the Pacific Ocean that looks like Russian president Vladimir Putin.
THE UK's population boom is caused by British mothers giving birth to fully-grown Eastern European tradespeople, research has shown.
ISRAELI prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that the United States is at war with Iran.
DOSTOYEVSKY'S Crime and Punishment cannot be Russian as the country does not seem interested in either, scholars have agreed.