Science & Technology

Everyone who reviewed product online was talking bollocks

NONE of the 37 people who reviewed a laptop online had the first idea what they were talking about, a man has discovered.

Children 'cancel out' effects of alcohol

BEING around children makes you feel less drunk, it has been confirmed.

Brexit definitely going to happen, says Michael Fish

FORMER TV weatherman Michael Fish has confirmed that Brexit is going well and will definitely happen.

Women forced to attend thermostat awareness course

WOMEN across the UK are being forced to attend a one-day thermostat awareness course to learn how they work.

Man realises all the women in his life would have been condemned as witches 500 years ago

A MAN has realised the women in his life would once have been considered witches due to their belief in herbs, the power of cats and having a ‘sixth sense’ about things.

Rudd can’t understand why internet won’t do as it’s told

THE home secretary has admitted she cannot see why the man who runs the internet will not just delete all the bits she finds offensive.

I still buy DVDs, says idiot caveman

A HALF-WITTED Neanderthal who still somehow walks among us has been exposed by admitting that when he wants to see a film, he buys it on DVD.

100 per cent of supermarket chicken looks terrifying

ALL chicken sold in supermarkets looks monstrous and evil, it has emerged.