Science & Technology

UFO experts asked to stop milking Area 51

UFOLOGISTS have been told to stop going on about Roswell and come up with an alien incident within the last 20 years.

New law to link hackers with stock photos of hackers

POLICE are to get new powers to link computer hacking suspects with the shadowy, menacing figures seen in stock images.

Dyson told to invent a toaster that’s not a heap of shit

JAMES Dyson has been told to shut up and invent a toaster that is not a useless bag of piss.

Comet landing is empirically cool so shut up, say experts

LANDING a robot on a comet is objectively amazing and anyone who disagrees must be shunned, experts have confirmed.

Comet landing already a disaster, say parking bores

MEN who claim to know about parking have been strongly critical of the techniques being used to place the Philae lander on a comet.

Cannabis enhances excuse-making ability

REGULAR cannabis smoking boosts the part of the brain that invents excuses.

Just kill me, says meat-like veggie burger

A VEGETARIAN burger that tastes like meat has said it would rather die than live a tragic double life.

Your house smells weird

YOUR house has a strange aroma that visitors cannot quite identify, it has emerged.