Science & Technology

Boat just so pissed off

A POLAR research vessel has admitted it is both disappointed and angry to not be called Boaty McBoatface. 

Rural families don’t want internet, electricity, water or roads, says government

THE government has decided that rural homes do not want broadband internet, electricity, water, sewerage or use of the road network.

Being ginger too high a price to pay for immortality

THE discovery that the ginger gene contains the secret of youthful looks has united the world in rejection of this Faustian bargain.

Millions of people dropping phones on their face each morning

BRITAIN is facing an epidemic of people hitting themselves in the face with their phones while lying in bed each morning.

Tim Peake bored out of his skull

SPACE is so incredibly boring, Tim Peake has confirmed.

Man searching for emoji to convey existential despair

A MAN is having problems expressing his sense that life is an empty shout in a meaningless, howling void using only emojis.

Smart car driver overcompensating for his massive penis

THE owner of a Smart car has admitted that the car he drives is overcompensation for his prodigious penis.

Man teaching his new phone how to swear

A MAN is teaching his new iPhone an extensive vocabulary of swear words.