Science & Technology

I invented read receipts, confirms Satan

SATAN has confirmed that he is solely responsible for the invention of instant message read receipts.

Reverse psychology fails to work on broken zip

PRETENDING you are not bothered about a zip being stuck on a jacket fails to fix it, research has confirmed.

Instagram throwing evolution into reverse, say scientists

ANYONE who describes themselves as an 'Instagrammer' is a step back in human evolution, scientists have claimed.

Superhero to use most powerful move 'much earlier' in future adventures

A SUPERHERO has realised that from now on he should probably use his most powerful move a lot earlier.

Internet was ‘huge mistake’ and should be deleted

THE 25-year experiment that is the internet has proved to be a dreadful mistake for everyone involved and will be deleted as soon as possible.

'Dislike' button not mental enough, say Facebook users

FACEBOOK should introduce a button allowing you to send vile abuse and bloodcurdling threats to people automatically, internet users believe.

First black Britons chose to become white because it’s better, say racists

RACISTS have argued that the black Britons from the Mesolithic period changed to be white because it is better, and more should follow their example.