Science & Technology

Met Office computer predicts weather and builds robot soldiers

THE Met Office has built a new supercomputer that can detect bad weather and send robots back in time to stop it.

NASA tells astronauts to just go ahead and eat each other

THE crew of the International Space Station has been told it will have to resort to cannibalism after a supply rocket blew up.

Cumberbatch-cancelling headset launched to huge demand

A NEW device that cancels out all mention of Benedict Cumberbatch is selling out everywhere.

Time travel possible just by getting everyone to agree on a new time

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that time travel is achievable simply by picking the desired time and getting everyone to go along with it.

New remote doesn’t have any buttons that f**k the TV

A NEW TV remote has no buttons that completely fuck up the television.

Reasons why people get depressed in winter fairly obvious

RESEARCHERS into seasonal affective disorder believe it may be caused by everything being dark, cold and awful for months on end.

Radio Times archives confirm TV was always shit

A NEW website which archives the Radio Times TV listings has confirmed that television has always been a waste of time.

Drunk you is the real you

YOUR behaviour when you are drunk represents your true personality, scientists have confirmed.