Science & Technology

First female bishop appointed just 45 years after humans landed on moon

THE Church of England has managed to appoint a female bishop within half a century of humans setting foot on another world.

Asteroid headed straight for self-centred astronomer

AN egotistical scientist has claimed that a mountain-sized asteroid is headed right at him.

UK moon mission ‘not just a piss-up’

THE organisers of a UK moon landing have strenuously denied that it is an excuse to drink lager in space.

Arseholes confused about God’s plan for homosexuals

RELIGIOUS homophobes are unclear about why God is letting HIV become less infectious.

Stonehenge tunnel will be mystical, Clegg tells druids

NICK Clegg has pledged that the Stonehenge road tunnel will be a very mystical experience.

UFO experts asked to stop milking Area 51

UFOLOGISTS have been told to stop going on about Roswell and come up with an alien incident within the last 20 years.

New law to link hackers with stock photos of hackers

POLICE are to get new powers to link computer hacking suspects with the shadowy, menacing figures seen in stock images.

Dyson told to invent a toaster that’s not a heap of shit

JAMES Dyson has been told to shut up and invent a toaster that is not a useless bag of piss.