Science & Technology

New remote doesn’t have any buttons that f**k the TV

A NEW TV remote has no buttons that completely fuck up the television.

Reasons why people get depressed in winter fairly obvious

RESEARCHERS into seasonal affective disorder believe it may be caused by everything being dark, cold and awful for months on end.

Radio Times archives confirm TV was always shit

A NEW website which archives the Radio Times TV listings has confirmed that television has always been a waste of time.

Drunk you is the real you

YOUR behaviour when you are drunk represents your true personality, scientists have confirmed.

Ghosts ‘bollocks’

GHOSTS are a load of bollocks, it has been confirmed.

Double Gloucester wins Nobel Prize for Cheese

BRITAIN’S Double Gloucester has won the highest accolade in the world of coagulated milk protein.

Eye contact now considered a threat

THE popularity of smartphones and tablet devices means that looking at someone during a conversation is asking for a fight.

Playing Xbox on YouTube now leading UK industry

THE British economy is now completely dependent on 19-year-olds playing and narrating computer games.