'Dear Holly: How can I convince Big Theresa to give me my referendum fix?' Nicola, Edinburgh

16-02-17

Dear Holly,
After the last Scottish independence referendum I woke up the next day and swore: never again. But it’s been a while… surely I’ve shown I’ve got willpower? So, what’s another little referendum going to do? I just want the one; just one teeny tiny little referendum and then I swear I’ll be off them for good. How can I convince Big Theresa to give me my referendum fix?
Nicola
Edinburgh

Dear Nicola,
There are lots of ways to get what you want, but you could try saying ‘oh pleeeeeeease’ in a really whiny annoying voice over and over again until your mummy can’t take it anymore. If that doesn’t work, you could try asking at a time when your mummy is distracted, like when she has started on the wine and is slagging someone off to your Auntie Sheila, or while she’s watching Poldark; and if you’re STILL not successful, just go and ask your daddy.
Hope that helps!
Holly

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