Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I recently overheard my teenage son’s friend referring to me as a MILF and I have to admit I’m rather flattered. Next time he comes over I was thinking of calling his bluff and pouncing on him when he’s alone. He might not be so cocky when he’s trapped between my thighs.


Dear Gina,
Have you ever wondered why people are always going on about MILFs but no-one ever refers to a DILF? That’s because when you become a dad, certain things happen to you to stop you being attractive to ladies, and make your children embarrassed to be seen anywhere near you. It must be an evolutionary thing to stop dads from having affairs or something. Whatever the reason, dads stop being cool and handsome and start doing cringeworthy stuff like blowing their noses really loudly in public and playing UB40 at full blast on the car stereo when they pick you up in town. Never let your dad anywhere near your friends because no doubt he’ll be sporting a wardrobe that your mum bought him entirely from the M&S Blue Harbour collection and try to engage them in conversation using rubbish facts he’s learned from watching QI.
When ladies are giving birth, I think the men are taken off to a ward somewhere and reprogrammed to enjoy the Archers and want to listen to Santana whilst dancing like a freak and go to shit country pubs in order to drink real ales with pointless, saucy names. That’s why there’s no such thing as a DILF.
Hope that helps!