Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I am thinking of buying my girlfriend a sexy negligee to wear in bed. I have the suspicion that this might be more arousing to look at than her usual '2005 Race for Life' T-Shirt-and-Primark-sweatpants-combo. However, I don't want to upset her by buying anything too racy. Do you think something in black and red lace with nipple holes and a split-crotch gusset will strike the right chord of subtle femininity?

Dear Angus,
Whatever you buy your girlfriend, make sure you ask yourself this first: in the event of drowning, can the garment be removed swiftly and fashioned into a primitive life-preservation aid? If you don't take this into consideration, your girlfriend could end up like Wendy Mackenzie in swimming lessons last week, battling wildly against the wave machine in a Winnie-the-Pooh quilted nightie, with the rest of the class laughing and pointing at her from the edge of the pool.  Honestly, from the sounds of it, the item you are proposing is neither water-tight, nor buoyant, and so I'd maybe go back to the drawing board with this.
Hope that helps!