Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Having been married for a number of years, my husband and I have got into an unfortunate habit of spending most of the weekend on the sofa eating fast food and watching TV programmes for the feeble-minded. But recently, my husband has taken up a new hobby called ‘dogging’ and he thinks I should get involved too. Apparently it’ll do me good to get out of the house and meet new people. In principle, I can’t see that it would hurt to give it a try, but not really knowing anything about this activity, I was wondering if you could give me an idea of what to expect. Should I, for example, pack a raincoat and sensible shoes?

Dear Hilda,
I’m not exactly sure what dogging is either, but if it’s anything like British bulldog, it’s lots of fun but very, very naughty. You’ll probably end up with spectacular grazes on your extremities and risk stretching your school jumper completely out of shape. Plus if you’re going to do it on grass then make sure you do it in dark clothing, otherwise you’ll get a thick ear from your mummy when she finds big grass stains on your nice white knickers. Also, make sure someone keeps an eye out in case the teacher comes along, because otherwise you might end up standing against the naughty wall until the end of playtime. If you do decide to take part in dogging, then as long as you take care to avoid being trampled, I’m sure you’ll find it a highly exhilarating and rewarding experience which creates a strong sense of team spirit amongst the participants.
Hope that helps!