Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Having been on the dole since I left school in 1976, I’m suddenly finding the long lie-ins rather tiresome and feel like a career change. However, I’m not really sure which path to take. I think I might make a good heart surgeon, or perhaps a lecturer in astro-physics; as long as it keeps me in fags and cake I’m not overly fussed. What would you suggest?

Dear Isobel,
Yesterday I went to my daddy’s office for ‘take your daughter to work day’. There were loads of fat, old ladies there who sat about in swivelly chairs eating biscuits and talking about Grey’s Anatomy and how much they hated other ladies in the office. Sometimes they typed things on a computer, but most of the time they just ate biscuits. It must be very boring going to work because no-one gets to do any jigsaw puzzles. Plus all the paper is plain white and the pens are all black so I don’t know how they can make any pretty pictures to take home to their families. My daddy said that grown-ups have to go to work so that they can earn a living, but I’m sure there must be more fun ways to make money. A girl in the class above me called Claudia lets all the boys see up her skirt in return for crisps and a go on their BMX bikes. Once, Claudia did a poo in an ice-cream tub and charged all the other girls and boys 20p each to see it and with the proceeds she was able to buy a significant quantity of pick ‘n’ mix. Claudia obviously has a head for business, and so perhaps you should follow her example when you’re thinking about your next career move.
Hope that helps!