Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
The other day, I was driving to Dixons
to pick up a new Super Woofer for my Nissan Almeira and I happened to
stop at a traffic lights next to a rather attractive lady in a red
mini. I immediately deduced she was probably a slut because she was
listening to The Saturdays at full volume, so I attempted to engage
her in some idle chit-chat on the off chance it would lead to some
roadside hanky panky. Unfortunately, as soon as I’d revved the engine
and sexily mouthed the words ‘how about it?’, she threw back her head
and laughed like an evil banshee, and then accelerated off into the
distance. Do you think I’ve lost my mojo, or
was that woman just playing hard to get?

Dear Graham,
If you really want to be friends with
girls, you’d better get used to the idea that they don’t really care
about fast cars or powerful speakers, or even how many worms you’ve
collected in a jar. If you want to retrieve your mojo, may I suggest
you learn a few skipping rhymes, or how to play hopscotch, or even
how to make rose-petal and grass perfume. Also, don’t mock the fact
that we like to brush the hair of sinister plastic babies, and
pretend to eat invisible cakes and drink invisible tea served from a
plastic dinner service. And don’t forget that what we hate most of
all is little boys showing off like idiots and trying to impress us
with their ridiculous toys. You need to get it into your head that
until you lose the macho attitude, you won’t be invited to play in
the Wendy House.
Hope that helps!