Are you the president of the United States?

WITH so many distractions around, it is surprisingly easy to forget whether you are the leader of the free world. Take our test to find out.

Where do you live?

A. In a standard house or flat, possibly with a garage containing a car.

B. In a massive house that is notable for its whiteness, with 30 or 40 burly, smartly-dressed men called things like ‘Davis’ or ‘Price’ who keep talking into radios.

How does your average day begin?

A. Wake up around 7am, eat some cereal, go to office job.

B. Stay up all night watching Paranormal Witness and Ice Road Truckers, until Price enters your bedroom, draws the curtain and hands you a large paper cup full of pills. If you question the pills he explains they’re for your digestion, sir.

What’s your daily beauty regime?

A. There isn’t one as such. I have a shower and perhaps a shave.

B. Pin remaining tobacco-coloured hairs across scalp. Attach stomach hoists and lift belly to chest area. Check continued existence of withered genitals.

Do you know any Russians?

A. There’s a guy at work called Sergei. Actually he might be from Ukraine. I don’t know him that well but he’s always polite.

B. Of course, they have that control room in the basement and their own taxpayer-funded vodka budget. Great people and some very lovely, elegant ladies. Wait. No. I meant no. I don’t know any Russians at all. Who are you? I can destroy your life.

Mostly As – Sorry, you are not the most powerful man in the world. Don’t threaten anyone today or you might go to prison.

Mostly Bs – You are the president of America, a country on Earth. Congratulations! Don’t press anything.