Your Astrological Week Ahead


Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)

Things might seem a bit weird and disorientating at first today. But everything will be fine again as soon as you’ve had your first drink.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)

A friend's privacy should never be taken lightly. If you've been trusted with highly personal information you should never betray that unless it is to your own advantage.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)

You are the master at spotting the one crucial detail that throws off everything else and have saved friends and family from countless minor disasters, an ideal captain for such a fantastic steamship on its maiden voyage.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)

Never use health issues as a way to gain attention from someone you have a crush on. Unless it is elaphantiasis of the penis.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)

Your high energy is exactly what you need today to get through your task list, and enjoy some frenzied masturbation later.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You're in the right frame of mind for shoplifting, just make sure you've already done your housework!

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)

Make your hopes and wishes known to someone you've had your eye on for some time. But prepare yourself first for the crushing disappointment of rejection.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)

Discovering interesting things about someone new is one of the best parts of dating but don’t let it distract you from your own sexual pleasure.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)

When changes hit your usual routine try looking at them as exciting challenges instead of the depressingly insurmountable obstacles that they really are.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)

Your husband already knows you're great, so why not sleep with his best friend? He did ask nicely.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)

If you are feeling indecisive today, don't let yourself be pressured into making a commitment, unless you think you ought to.

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