The toughest part of being a millennial is writing all these shitty columns about it

By a Young(ish) Person wearing a hat

MILLENNIALS have been priced out of the property market, crippled by tuition fees and now there’s another problem to add to our list of woes – finding a new angle for your next article about millennials.

Previous generations didn’t have to worry about losing a freelance writing gig because their latest column was ‘a bit similar’ to some bollocks they did for The Times called ‘The rules of dating for millennials’.

The fact is most older people have never experienced the stress of trying to think of three different columns about millennials that aren’t ‘samey bullshit’, as my features editor calls it.

It’s all very well getting commissioned by the New Statesman to write ‘Millennial ladies can’t afford to lunch’, but have you used up valuable material you might need for next week’s Observer article, ‘Do people look down on millennials for bringing their own sandwiches to work’?

Take yesterday. I had a great idea for an article about why millennials are leaving Facebook in droves, only to discover some bastard had already pitched ‘Why Millennials are leaving WhatsApp in droves’. Even The Guardian and Puzzle and Wordsearch Weekly turned me down.

I believe we need a government awareness campaign about the pressures of writing columns about millennials. I’d go into more detail but I’m on a 4pm deadline with ‘Millennial talcum: Babies are a luxury for my generation’.