Once-a-year drinkers to be mentored by seasoned piss artists

08-12-17

CHRISTMAS drinkers struggling to handle their alcohol intake are to be mentored by proper booze hounds.

The scheme will bring together normally abstemious workers peer-pressured into tequila slammers at the work party with regular afternoon drinkers who will guide them through the rough patches.

Mentor Tom Logan said: “We see some terrible sights at this time of year. Grown men asleep at 2.15pm after a single pint. The sales executive weeping after dropping her phone down the toilet. There’s no need for it.

“We begin in September, building up vulnerable drinkers’ tolerance with a handful of reckless midweek sessions that can cause moderate career damage.

“Then it’s all about the main event from mid December until that final afternoon-into-evening piss-up.”

Mary Fisher, from East Grinstead, said: “I get a bit giggly when I have a Bailey’s so they’ve teamed me up with Steve who drinks three pints at lunchtime. He always looks a bit glazed over. It’s nice.”

Fisher added: “When I say ‘giggly’ I mean ‘completely demented’.”

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