92% think they could do better art than Damien Hirst

MORE than 90% of Britons have an idea for some art, it emerged last night.

You didn't expect Everest to be doing this today, did you?

As Hirst was applauded across North London for putting some patio furniture in a glass box, across the country thousands of people said that was basically their conservatory.

David Bingham, an accountant from Surrey, said: “My sister can draw anything – bananas, tanks, even horses.

“Horses are incredibly hard to draw, but her work only fetches £5 at craft fairs. It’s annoying because in a draw-off I think she’d beat Damien Hirst by about 20 minutes.”

He added: “Art prices should be based on skill. Michelangelo was really good at chiseling, Banksy is excellent at sneaking around and David Hockney uses colour in a deceptively simplistic way that draws you in even as it repels you.

“What’s Damien Hirst good at apart from being a cheeky prick?

“I read that he got $17m dollars for some pills in a box. I had to double check to make sure I wasn’t having one of my crazy cheese dreams.”

Meanwhile Hirst is shocking and delighting audiences in Hong Kong with a smaller version of the diamond skull that he got some other people to make for him after Keith Allen phoned up drunk one day and said ‘you should totally glue a load of diamonds to a skull’.

Bingham added: “I’ve made this marionette thing out of left-over gammon. It’s called Meat Puppets and it’s yours for £486,000.

“If you like, I can put it in my conservatory.”