Badger cull ‘will trigger shit British film’

THE government has been warned that the badger cull will cause a film with Julie Walters.

With Colin Firth as a recently-divorced vet

‘We’ve got to stop this,’ says Colin Firth

Experts believe the premise of plucky underdogs battling heartless bureaucrats in the countryside is irresistible to upper class film producers.

Media analyst Donna Sheridan said: “The government needs to reconsider its actions before something awful is unleashed, or at least given a very limited cinema release before getting dumped on Netflix.

“The film will centre around a recently bereaved housewife who has been giving milk to the playful family of badgers that visits her garden.

“In fact it might even be called Saucer of Milk.

“When she discovers the animals are going to be shot, Walters’s character is forced into action, aided by a band of colourful countryside characters including Colin Firth as a divorced vet who drives a battered Land Rover.”

She continued: “An uptight government official gets sprayed with liquid manure, and there is a heartfelt confrontation between a farmer and his plucky daughter who has an activist boyfriend called Spud.

“Look out too for Cara Delevigne or a former member of Girls Aloud playing a character who dresses like a slut but isn’t actually promiscuous.”

“Towards the end, Julie Walters will be about to give up when she discovers a legal loophole, resulting in a ‘race against time’ to deliver documents to a court when she could probably just phone someone instead.

“The badgers are saved, everyone learns a lesson, and that’s two hours of your life gone forever.”