Baggins Family Pans 'Lord Of The Rings' Musical
THE great nephew of Frodo Baggins has attacked the Lord of the Rings musical for 'playing fast and loose' with historical accuracy.
Ian Baggins said he was appalled at the way his relatives were represented and described the production as a slap in the face to decent hobbits.
Mr Baggins, a tax accountant from Worcester, said: "According to this show not only did my great uncle Frodo save Middle Earth from evil, but he was an outstanding professional singer.
"The truth is he was a cowardly little tit with a voice like a cow stuck in a hedge."
He added: "Bilbo Baggins was a thief, a traitor and a second-rate pornographer. He should have been hung in the village square."
The multi-million pound West End spectacular has received a number of unhelpful reviews.
The Daily Mail's Brian Popple said: "Halfway through the first act I turned to the woman sitting next to me, handed her a machete and pleaded with her to cut off my head."
The Guardian's Andrew Blamms, said: "When Thespis first performed in Athens in 550 BC little did he know that 2500 years later the theatrical arts would be reduced to hairy, tuneless midgets and their insatiable appetite for knocked-off jewelery."
Writing in the Daily Express Ronan O'Harple said: "It was so bad I actually shat myself."