THE concept of Girls Aloud has been brought to a close after being drained completely of its valuable fluids.
Fans in Liverpool watched in silence as five women squeezed the last drops from their dried-up ball of third-rate singing and dancing.
The shabby, wrinkled ball crumbled into a million tiny grey pieces that were carried away by a gentle breeze.
The five women then gave each other the finger before riding a footballer into the sunset.
JAMES Herbert, widely considered to be the leading writer of horror books with added smut, has passed away aged 69.
Herbert fan Tom Logan said: “I was 13 when I read The Rats and I still remember the saucy stuff was on pages 67-69 and 88-91, with a couple of good paragraphs around page 113.
“The rat bits were good too. You can’t really go wrong with mutant animals.”
He added: “Looking back, I can’t believe my mum let me read it. As a parent she foolishly assumed all books were vaguely educational.”
Herbert’s later works, mostly about ghosts, were controversially not very dirty.
