Drone attack kills end-of-level baddie


THE tricky boss at the end of level five of War on Terror has been killed by Americans, it emerged last night.

Beard Boss was known for his gruff voice and authentic clichés

Ilyas Kashmiri, aka ‘Beard Boss’, believed to be one of the hardest bosses to kill, succumbed after repeated missile hits to his single weak point.

War on Terror analyst, Bill McKay, said: “Despite being only able to move in straight diagonal lines, Beard Boss’s immense physical size and lethal beard-whipping attack were a fearsome combination.

“Attempting to kill him, America’s top strategists launched and lost 43 drones over a relentless 48-hour War on Terror session during which five KP Skips variety packs and 18 litres of Sprite were consumed.

“At about 4am yesterday morning, it was noticed that Beard Boss’s vulnerable neck became temporarily exposed every time he flailed his facial hair in a characteristic mace-like attack.

“Indeed this was his inevitable Achilles’ Heel and after 15 direct hits he exploded, creating a massive points bonus for the Americans and NATO and facilitating their progress to level six, which is subtitled ‘Secrets of Pakistan’.”

Gamers are still debating why Beard Boss was killed after Osama bin Laden, with many expecting to have to kill the Al Qaeda chief at the end of level 12.

Martin Bishop, 32, said: “Who is the final baddie? I’m starting to think Donald Trump was right and it’s actually going to be Barack Obama.”

Meanwhile there is increasing speculation that a bug in War on Terror makes it impossible to complete.

US General Stephen Malley said: “There are theories about a coding error which create new baddies faster than you can actually kill them.

“It’s eerily similar to the problem everyone had with Jet Set Willy on the ZX Spectrum.”


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