Freddie Mercury biopic to portray rocker as heterosexual

A NEW film of Freddie Mercury’s life story will portray the rocker as straight.

He had a firm, manly arse

He had a firm, manly arse

Biopic Freddie: Rockin’ for Vagina portrays the singer as an average ‘lad’ who liked beer, birds and tinkering under the bonnet of his Ford Escort. Film industry sources are tipping either Jason Statham or Idris Elba for the title role.

Producer Stephen Malley said: “The fact is that many people would prefer it if Freddie hadn’t been gay.

“Our Freddie is very much the sort of bloke you’d find down the pub, chatting up the ladies and discussing Millwall’s chances this season.

“He still does everything Freddie did, writing Bohemian Rhapsody and that incredible Live Aid performance, but he does it without showing any interest in men’s arses.

“Obviously Freddie’s death from AIDS-related illness presents a problem, but we’ve invented a new ailment for him to die from, ‘rockstaritis’, a fatal disease caused by being too famous.”

Malley plans to replace  elements of Mercury’s life, such as his long-term male lover, visits to gay clubs and numerous public statements confirming he was gay, with a storyline about him missing his wife and children while on tour.

Mother-of-two Carolyn Ryan said: “It’s great to see someone setting the record straight. I love Queen but I don’t like gays, so there’s no way Freddie could have been gay.

“Also if he was gay, how come he sang Fat Bottomed Girls and not Fat Bottomed Men? That just wouldn’t make sense.”