Glastonbury coverage welcomed by Britain's top letches

22-06-17

MEN who dislike pop music but enjoy leering at young women have welcomed blanket coverage of Glastonbury.

The media’s decision to portray an unashamedly left-wing event as a cavalcade of breasts and buttocks has proved popular with everyone who does not care whether Thom Yorke is doing a surprise acoustic set on the West Holt stage.

Roy Hobbs, from Guildford, said: “Stormzy? Couldn’t give a monkey’s. But I’m extremely interested in Glasto first-timer Georgina and her denim shorts.

“Typically the radical leftists at the BBC spend too much time on the actual music, but I know the tabloids will focus on the perky breasts and lovely young bottoms that are the real point of the whole shebang.”

Martin Bishop, from Peterborough, agreed: “You never know what your Glasto highlight will be until the festival’s over. It defies your expectations.

“But I’m very much hoping for a brunette in bodypaint sucking a lolly.”

  • Share: