Hull now incredibly up itself

04-01-17

BEING the UK’s City of Culture has caused everyone in Hull to become a snooty intellectual, it has emerged.

Residents of the northern city have immersed themselves in highbrow literature, classical music and theatre while feeling smug and superior about it.

Teenager Wayne Hayes said: “I used to drive around playing happy hardcore in my modified Nissan Micra, but I’ve started putting on Mahler symphonies and tutting at people in tracksuits.

“Tonight I’m hanging round the park with my mates but instead of drinking cider until we puke, we’re putting on a challenging interpretation of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Builder Roy Hobbs said: “I was in Wetherspoons for the poetry recital and it was so packed I missed half The Wasteland while I was ordering a bottle of Merlot. The Arts Council really should do something.

“Hopefully it’ll be quieter at the weekend when me and the lads try the Heston Blumenthal tasting menu before going on to the multiplex for the Truffaut retrospective.”

Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “I can’t get the kids off their easels ever since they discovered impressionist painting, so the Playstation 4 was a total waste of money.

“I’ve made a rule that they can have two hours of discussing the plays of David Mamet every night then it’s off to bed.”

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