Human rights groups rally to stop newsreaders' Children in Need sketch

04-11-11

CAMPAIGNERS are working desperately to stop BBC News broadcasters performing a Strictly skit in this year’s upcoming Children In Need show.

Classic fingers-locked news demeanour

The threatened routine will take place on November 18th unless Human Rights activists secure enough signatures to prevent it.

Campaign organiser Wayne Hayes said: “It may be for a very good cause, but if George Alagiah puts on sequins and performs a mutant hokey-cokey to 9 To 5, the nation’s psyche will be irreparably damaged.

“Many UK viewers are still struggling to come to terms with previous newsreader Children In Need routines, which featured Fiona Bruce dressed as Lady Gaga and a suspender-clad Andrew Marr doing the time warp.

“During the latter performance, casualty wards were inundated with people whose toes had curled so rapidly and severely that their feet were inverted. One man in Rotherham cringed so hard that it triggered a lethal muscle spasm.

It’s unclear why raising money for Children in Need has become synonymous with newsreader cabaret, although Hayes believes the tradition harks back to the middle ages.

He said: “On certain festival days, town criers would don an amusing green headwear and sing songs.

“However, these displays did not require the participants to dance to the Grease Megamix in an ill-advised skin-tight outfit. For which they probably would’ve been strung upside down and sliced in half while angry villagers pelted them with rotten fruit.

Hayes added: “There is a rumour that Alan Sugar may also appear, pretending to be very angry and pointing his finger at James Corden.

“If that happens, god help us all. Especially the children.”

 

 

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