ITV's prediction that you like morons rutting on an island proves depressingly accurate

YOU like to watch idiots rutting in a hot place, it has been confirmed.

ITV executives constructed Love Island based on the cynical belief that Britons want to watch muscular imbeciles mating in a tropical setting.

An ITV spokesman said: “It seems we cannot underestimate you.

“We thought we might at least need to dress this one up as a ‘scientific experiment probing human reproductive behaviour’ or a ‘nudity-based survival challenge’ that ‘pushes boundaries’.

“And so we will continue to do everything to promote the existence of steroidal freaks who will have a brief DJing career before getting arrested for trashing a Nando’s.”

The next episode of Love Island will see the participants shaken up by the introduction of Wayne Hayes, a super-hot horse who everyone will fancy.

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Tiresome attention seeker reminds everyone that childbirth affects your vagina

A WOMAN who just wants attention has described how having a baby made her fanny go weird.

29-year-old Susan Traherne, who describes herself as a blogger, has graphically described the inevitable effects of giving birth because it is a way of getting attention without being good at anything.

Traherne said: “They don’t tell you that when you have a baby that it can affect your vagina. But when you stop and think about it, babies are quite big compared to fannies.

“Nobody talks about it, except perhaps a few thousand other similarly tiresome chancers. But now I’m laying in on the line – my vadge looks like a tinned breakfast.

“Or a badger that’s been hit by a hovercraft. Or a deflated space hopper. I could go on.

“I have a book and and website where you can read more about the state of my vagina and also how I’ve gone off sex, if that’s the sort of thing you like. There’s some other stuff about how my house is quite dirty.

“It’s all very gruesome and controversial.”

She added: “Please like me.”

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