Local TV to give prejudiced, small-minded communities a voice

SMALL regional TV stations are to provide an outlet for the stupid opinions of petty, annoying bigots living in remote places.

Brace yourself

Culture secretary Jeremy Chunt is inviting windbags, freaks and racists from the nation’s most godforsaken places to have a crack at running their own television stations.

He said: “The existing, London-centric content does cater for idiots – but not local idiots. Plus I can’t wait to see what these inbreds come up with.”

Retired army officer Julian Cook, who lives in a hamlet near Minety and has a ‘No Turning’ sign at the bottom of his drive, has been granted one of the first local TV licenses for his home-based channel called ‘The Gladstone’.

He said: “There will be a daily minstrel show featuring myself and Ian the butcher as ‘The Coco Brothers’, vole racing live from the village hall and footage of next door’s hedge, which is in a terrible state and needs sorting out.

“Plus I will be hosting a weekly discussion show titled I Think This Lot Should Be Put On An Island And Blown Up Because…

“And we are going to do a remake of Lost using wheat instead of actors.”

Some local television formats have already been picked up by major broadcasters.

Farmer Roy Hobbs has developed the game show Bloody Funny Business, where a brother and sister must share a room for a week without committing any incestuous acts in order to win agricultural machinery.

It will transfer to Channel Five in the summer.